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Original poster

I've realised today that I've raised boys who will be terrible partners

217 replies

Bestseller · 13/02/2019 21:27

They kind, funny and caring. They know how to cook and clean the bathroom. They couldnt identify pink or blue jobs. Theyre looking like they might actually hace decent careers. They've seem both their mother and father be the primary homemaker/child carer at various times because of differing work and study commitments. They've (mostly!) seen a marriage built around mutual care and respect.

But, they have never been shown that it's a requirement for a man to push the boat out for Valentine's Day. I didn't realise how important some women think that is or how upset they get when it doesn't happen. I had no idea it was even celebrated within a marriage , let alone taken so seriously.

They're going to be very disappointing spouses

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/02/2019 10:52

I've had a card from my sponsored (Dogs' Trust) dog, telling me I'm simply pawfect! (Very true 😀)
Nowt from dh so far - he's away. Will not be altogether surprised if flowers arrive later, though I won't mind if not.
I usually get him a card and some chocolate but in the circs have not bothered this time.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 14/02/2019 11:01

it's the way it's all on the man shoulders

It's about the only bloody thing that is these days.

Train them OP. Then your work here really will be done.

PeapodBurgundy · 14/02/2019 11:02

My DP has put it on his own shoulders. I'm not romantic in that way, he is, so we do something. If left to me it would go by like any other day. Each to their own.

idontlikebirthdaycake · 14/02/2019 11:03

"It's a requirement for a man to push the boat out for Valentine's Day"

No, it's not. My Aunt and Uncle take turns in planning surprises for Valentines Day. So do my parents. You just have a very sexist way of thinking OP

DontCallMeCharlotte · 14/02/2019 11:08

However, he doesn't believe in Valentine's day.

Surely this is the world's biggest - and nastiest - cop-out!

Fink · 14/02/2019 11:12

Yes, well done you, such amazing parenting.

If you really have raised sons who don't have the empathy to realise that different people express love in different ways and feel differently about things like Valentine's Day then you honestly have done a bad job. Or your children have a medical condition.

The reason a partner will appreciate someone who can clean the bathroom etc. is because it's a sign that the other person is a functioning adult who has the ability to realise that such things need doing and not put all the emotional and organisational burden on the partner. It's not so much about the amazing skills involved in wielding a bottle of bleach, it's about being an equal partner in the responsibilities. If the same person can't realise that his partner feels unloved when s/he doesn't receive a Valentine's card, and is not willing to take on the emotional responsibility of finding out what his partner would like and how s/he expresses love, then he is basically just someone who knows where the dishcloth lives. Bravo!

ravenmum · 14/02/2019 11:14

My son is kind, funny and caring. He knows how to cook and clean the bathroom. He realises that some careers are traditionally male or female, and that this is a quirk of history which needs changing. I have no clue what career he'll have, but he wants to have one. He's seen his mother do most of the housework and childraising, but doesn't believe that's the only way there is. He's seen a marriage collapse, and knows that no-one is perfect.

He also realises that when someone likes the idea of Valentine's and would be disappointed if it was ignored, it doesn't take much to make them happy.

I have no idea what kind of partner he'll be. Might be a right little toad for all I know. Unfortunately he isn't remote-controlled.

PBo83 · 14/02/2019 11:14

*However, he doesn't believe in Valentine's day.

Surely this is the world's biggest - and nastiest - cop-out!*

You've taken that out of context. The posted was saying that, whilst he doesn't 'do' Valentine's that he buys her flowers throughout the year. She also went onto say that he's a great partner and they are happy and take care of each other every day.

That has to be better than a bloke who is totally unromantic/thoughtless for most of the year but then goes crazy on one, predetermined day (when it's expected so, therefore, not really very thoughtful)

Threewheeler1 · 14/02/2019 11:15

Hello Violet, how are Ronnie and Reggie? Grin
Only kidding.
Each to their own.
My Dad bought my Mum some Dunhill aftershave one year.
Gone down in the history books as one to beat.

CharlyAngelic · 14/02/2019 11:22

Yeah ! It is all on the man's shoulders !
No it F@in isn't.

LaFreaka · 14/02/2019 11:23

It's a bit creepy that a mother is interfering and over-influencing with their son's romantic romantic relationships. OP you sound like you are going to be a bloody nightmare mil.

LaFreaka · 14/02/2019 11:29

My Mil is a JW - she doesn't believe in Christmas or Birthdays. She said you can give gifts at any time and actually to do so is more meaningful. Fine, I agree. I said. She gives her grandchildren fuck all! It seems without being reminded of special days - special things often don't happen. My kids don't mind...much! - I taught them years ago not to feel value through material gifts because they won't be getting them from MIL but it does make me raise an eyebrow - some people need a prod - my MIL is one of them.

SoupDragon · 14/02/2019 11:32

It's a bit creepy that a mother is interfering and over-influencing with their son's romantic romantic relationships.

Where did you get that from the OP?

ssd · 14/02/2019 11:54

So the op is a journo who never came back to the thread as they have enough for their piece

Wonder if it's the sun or the mail this will end up in?

Handprints2018 · 14/02/2019 11:58

If it's believed be someone for romance to be only on the mans shoulders then yes thats a failure in teaching. It should be on both (in oh and i case on both not to care on Valentine's but being compatable in thinking for romance).

If someone is raised to believe men should only be romantic that's not only silly but it's missing something great. Last week i was romantic to oh, his day was awful so i ran him a bath and got him beer for when he came in. Last time he was romantic to me, he bought beer and chocolate.

Vixxxy · 14/02/2019 12:09

Yeah, I don't really get why some get so upset over valentines day. I didn't even realise it was valentines day til I checked facebook and saw the hundreds of 'I am so alone' and 'bragging about what peoples partners did for them. I have been asked what DH did for me and 'aww I am so sorry' messages when I said fuck all Hmm

Commercialised shite really, but each to their own.

LaFreaka · 14/02/2019 12:11

First year dh and I were together we were in Australia - I sent one massive native flower to his office...coming down the lift with the flower - a guy said to him - some men put the rest of us to shame - dh had to admit much to the other guy's surprise that he was the recipient.

ItsAllGone19 · 14/02/2019 12:12

WTF?

I wasn't aware that teaching children how to be romantic was actually a thing? Surely that's something each individual develops as they grow up and understand what makes them tick and what makes the person they love tick.

If you've raised your sons right, they'll treat their future spouses in a way that makes the relationship happier and stronger. Valentines day may or may not form part of that but if they've been raised right they'll figure that out for themselves by listening to their spouse and understanding what's important and not.

You win the most sneering valentine's day thread. Here's your reward Biscuit

Alsohuman · 14/02/2019 12:16

I can't believe this is being taken seriously. It's a joke. Is this also National Loss of Sense of Humour day?

IrmaFayLear · 14/02/2019 12:17

I think we are all raised with the idea that some celebrations are important and others not. No Valentine's Day rumpus here, but we do Christmas big style. Both dh and I come from Big Christmas families.

Dm had many siblings. Dm never celebrated her birthday, and in fact it was some years before she even knew when it actually was because my gm told each dc their birthday was on the 1st of the month Confused . Consequently dm never attached any importance to birthdays so no parties, cake, etc etc. I have always done b'days for my dcs, but couldn't care less about my own b'day.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/02/2019 12:18

"If they are decent men when they grow up, they’ll have the sensitivity to know whether Valentines is important to their partner or not.

Hope they manage to evolve up out of the smug gene."

Spot on, @AtrociousCircumstance!

Calloway · 14/02/2019 12:18

I think people get that it's a joke. But that doesn't mean it isn't a bit smug and self congratulatory.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 14/02/2019 12:21

PBo83

Yes you're right. In this instance I have taken it out of context. But it does come up a lot on these threads.

CostanzaG · 14/02/2019 12:24

I think people get that it's a joke. But that doesn't mean it isn't a bit smug and self congratulatory

This

No need to mock those that do like to celebrate

Yabbers · 14/02/2019 12:26

Loving the faux pretence that people don't understand blue jobs and pink jobs.