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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've realised today that I've raised boys who will be terrible partners

217 replies

Bestseller · 13/02/2019 21:27

They kind, funny and caring. They know how to cook and clean the bathroom. They couldnt identify pink or blue jobs. Theyre looking like they might actually hace decent careers. They've seem both their mother and father be the primary homemaker/child carer at various times because of differing work and study commitments. They've (mostly!) seen a marriage built around mutual care and respect.

But, they have never been shown that it's a requirement for a man to push the boat out for Valentine's Day. I didn't realise how important some women think that is or how upset they get when it doesn't happen. I had no idea it was even celebrated within a marriage , let alone taken so seriously.

They're going to be very disappointing spouses

OP posts:
GoldenEvilHoor · 14/02/2019 07:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Grumbling · 14/02/2019 07:55

GoldenEvilHoor - absolutely. They are quite destructive aren’t they. Expecting a partner to give you a birthday or valentine’s card isn’t needy or grabby or spoilt, it’s perfectly reasonable. For a partner (man or woman) to be so emotionally dim as to not work this out for themselves is concerning in my opinion.

Moussemoose · 14/02/2019 07:57

Wow you hit several nerves OP.

Serious reactions to a not particularly serious thread.

ShadyLady53 · 14/02/2019 08:05

Of course it’s not all on the man’s shoulders 🙄.

It’s making an effort and a man not bothering to do the slightest thing like write a note for example and a competitive “I won’t tell you or show you that I love you at all today” that, ime, hurts. A deliberate withholding of affection for the day. FFS it doesn’t take or cost much to get or make a card and a small box of chocolates or a bunch of flowers. Especially when he is happy enough to receive something.

Deliberately goady post too.

SoupDragon · 14/02/2019 08:23

A deliberate withholding of affection for the day.

Yeah, I bet they're showing no affection at all on international Hallmark day.

I'd far prefer someone who was loving and caring all year thanone who bought into the ridiculous commercial beast that Valentine's Day has been turned into.

Vulpine · 14/02/2019 08:26

Yeah - smash the system. Fuck mothers day too. Ooh - all them mums expecting their kids to show them a bit of love and appreciation just makes my blood boil ! Angry

Vulpine · 14/02/2019 08:27

But you can smash the system whilst I enjoy my Valentine's breakfast in bed

SoupDragon · 14/02/2019 08:30
Confused
KittyVonCatsington · 14/02/2019 08:30

I'm married to a man who washes up, cooks dinner, changes nappies, does the laundry etc, is kind, caring AND buys me roses on Valentine's Day.

What a Shocker.

SoupDragon · 14/02/2019 08:33

Anyway, I can't believe anyone is taking the OP as something other than tongue in cheek.

Grumbling · 14/02/2019 08:37

It’s tongue in cheek but obviously trying to make a point. If you disagree with that point it’s not beyond belief that you might say so! It’s sort of how internet forums work...Grin

Halloumimuffin · 14/02/2019 08:55

Seems to have taken you a very long time to 'realise' that Valentine's day is a thing that some people celebrate. Don't get out much?

Passing4Human · 14/02/2019 09:00

I don't "do" Valentines day as I've always been uncomfortable with it for some reason, but at the same time I wouldn't go round to a friend's who loves it, take the piss out of her card and stick my finger in her chocolates so no one else could enjoy them later. Which is a bit what this thread feels like.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 14/02/2019 10:10

Expecting a partner to give you a birthday or valentine’s card isn’t needy or grabby or spoilt, it’s perfectly reasonable

I expect a fuss for my birthday. And Christmas.

But not for Valentine's Day or Mother's Day.

ToastyFingers · 14/02/2019 10:16

My husband respects and loves me all year round. He doesn't need to buy me anything to show he loves me BUT he does anyway, because he loves and respects me an is excited for an opportunity to write a thoughtful message in a card and show he cares.

Glitterblue · 14/02/2019 10:23

I have a truly lovely husband who works hard to provide for the family, does his share around the house and we have a brilliant marriage. However, he doesn't believe in Valentine's day. He never gets me a card but now and again gets flowers - but he always says he'd rather get me flowers at random times, and that you're supposed to show your love for each other all year round. He's right. I never get him anything either but we look after each other every day of the year. We've been together 18 years and still very happy. My ex on the other hand, was horrid a lot of the time but went all out on Valentine's day. I know which way I'd rather have it!!

lazymare · 14/02/2019 10:25

The people who say it's just a hallmark holiday are usually the ones who are jealous and wish their partners would spoil them.

Honestly - I'm really not. I think it's the opposite of romantic to be told to be romantic. I would be embarrassed to be out for dinner etc on Valentines Day. Not jealous at all because I would cringe.

Racecardriver · 14/02/2019 10:27

Well on the plus side it’s a great filter for silly spouses. With every post Valentine’s Day disappointment break up they will be saved from a terrible marriage.

PBo83 · 14/02/2019 10:28

We've not had a humble brag doubled with a virtue signal crossed with a smug fest thread for ages.

Love this.

LaFreaka · 14/02/2019 10:30

I got a lovely St Valentine's text thing from dh - made me smile, didn't cost a penny, just a thought, he's away from home at the moment. Usually, I get a piece of printer paper folded with a penned outline of a heart on the outside and a lovely message written inside - I love that - call me soft but who wouldn't? Sometimes I just get a kiss. It's all good! Grin

Limensoda · 14/02/2019 10:34

It isn't a requirement for a man to push the boat out on Valentine's day.
If your boys are kind and caring as you claim, they will be kind and caring with their partners. It may mean they will spoil her on Valentine's or maybe not. It may depend on what they feel their partner wants or needs.
You see, another woman, not you will be the bigger influence on them. Don't assume their partner will want what you think is so naff either. She may be like you.

StormTreader · 14/02/2019 10:38

Don't worry too much. Your incredible sons can apparently do everything else, I'm sure they'll learn to put some effort in for valentines as well and have better relationships than your disappointing one.

That was the point of your post, right? Hmm

thecatsthecats · 14/02/2019 10:40

My husband surprised me with a lovely silly poem in my card this morning. I, erm, will buy his at lunch. Oh, and he can't cook.

We're so shit in comparison to the OP and her lovely sons.

findingmyfeet12 · 14/02/2019 10:49

We don't celebrate Valentine's Day but I'm not going to lie, if dh surprised me with a really nice gift etc I'd be thrilled.

I don't expect it and I don't agree that men who don't bother with Valentine's Day aren't thoughtful the rest of the year. My dh is extremely thoughtful and considerate, he honestly doesn't do Valentine's Day, birthdays etc.

Its not a big deal but I think I might start making an effort for Valentine's Day.

Pinkbells · 14/02/2019 10:49

They sound awful Hmm

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