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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send meals home with DSC

259 replies

user1471499145 · 11/02/2019 21:55

DPs DCs stay EOW. He sees them twice every week as well.
Their DM lives with her partner. She has high earning job but doesn’t return home until 7pm ish. The DCs are 15 & 18.
DP has asked if I can send them home with a meal that can be frozen/re heated on the weekends they are with us because they are fed up with their meals.
I have done so far but this weekend I spent 6 hours cooking. I’m knackered.
& I’m feeding his ex - she sent a thank you for her dinner tonight !
I want someone to cook me dinner!

OP posts:
ChuckleBuckles · 12/02/2019 12:25

OP I write this with kindness, for everyone's sake go to therapy. If you are the OP in lasagne/wagyu-gate and you wrote about a previous marriage that was abusive you are vulnerable to ending up in another abusive relationship, which this current relationship sounds like, it is just a different kind of abuse. You need support to end this. You just don't sound ready yet to face it.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 12/02/2019 12:27

*I’m trying to navigate a relationship after 28 years of marriage.
I admit I’m crap at it. I literally don’t know how to have a relationship. I was married at 18 to my only ever boyfriend.

So now I have a new relationship & DSC - yes they are spoiled little shits but as a DSM I can’t say that*

Then you need to stop dating or doing any of that until you learn how to spot abusers and get some self esteem.

The only relationship you have with your boyfriend and his spoilt kids is one of abused and abusers.

You are not a 'SM', you're not married, you're just his doormat.

FUCK teaching them to cook. They have two parents and YouTube to do that.

But this is your third thread about this abusive cunt and his abusers-in-training wanker brats.

And you're still there.

Says it all. You have to leave. But you won't.

Shrugs.

blackteasplease · 12/02/2019 12:38

I wondered that about the two other threads being impossible to reconcile.

Hanab · 12/02/2019 12:38

Dear OP

What the actual £&@/!

Why are you a slave to punishment from your DP & SC?

You know you are being taken advantage off yet you remain🤷🏻‍♀️

Are these theeads for real or are you attention seeking? Surely if this 3rd thread doesn’t give you a kick up the derrier and open your eyes to the situation you are in then you are actually the course for your issues that you face.

Stand up woman! You are clearly able to be independent! Go forth and be happy!
Stop being the skivvy. If the meagre affrection you seem to getting really worth it at all?

Hanab · 12/02/2019 12:39

Excuse the mistakes I am actually so upset for you & with you 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️
Totally over invested in a strangers life!

BartonHollow · 12/02/2019 12:46

In Wagyu Beef, OP said the younger child was 13 and in this 15

It is possible that the 2 yr ago incident keeps getting brought back up so she posted as if it was fresh at the time although it was historic and kept the details accurate to what happened.

🤔

The threads do seem to be the honest words of a trapped and desperate person

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 12/02/2019 12:51

The threads do seem to be the honest words of a trapped and desperate person

Well, you can throw a life buoy to a person but they have have to pick it up and put it on. Some people would truly rather be with any ol' abusive POS than be single, they simply don't want to function without a 'relationship'. They're adults and make that choice.

5LeafClover · 12/02/2019 12:58

You are an abused woman with poor self esteem

^^
This. He's obviously wealthy but is he being fair with you money wise?

Panicatthebistro · 12/02/2019 13:01

Why do so many threads take this course....first OP's dilemma, then people being kind, followed by some actively hunting down past threads and putting on the judgy pants, throwing doubt on either the OP or kicking them when they are down.

Just waiting for the grammar pedants to turn up!

Butterymuffin · 12/02/2019 13:02

Will someone link the lasagne thread please?

BartonHollow · 12/02/2019 13:04

Both other threads have been linked to

7yo7yo · 12/02/2019 13:09

I think people also need to remember that threads can be outing so maybe by changing timelines, ages, details, places etc posters feel they are “protecting” their identity in case they are outed by a shit rag like the mail or identified in real life.

ittakes2 · 12/02/2019 13:18

Show them how to cook on the weekends they are with you - train them up so you never have to cook for them again!

Figgygal · 12/02/2019 13:25

Dear god are you still with that shithead?

Little steps please stop cooking for them they are old enough to manage themselves something.

Youandwhosearmy · 12/02/2019 13:29

panic I hear you and I don't ever search a poster's history but the OP mentioned these threads herself as background.

Regardless, this latest incident isn't any worse than the last two, the OP has had pages and pages of support in the past, I really hope this time is enough to encourage her to make a change

BookwormMe2 · 12/02/2019 13:33

What you've said, Youandwhosearmy – I only read the lasagne thread because the OP and PP mentioned them. It certainly wasn't a case of trying to catch her out. People do change details to protect themselves.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/02/2019 15:31
Shock
lerrimknowyouretheyir · 12/02/2019 15:38

Get them to order an Hello Fresh or Gousto box. Even the kids can’t go wrong. They’re not cheap but if their mum is a high earner, she can probably afford it and there are usually a few good offers available for the first order.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 12/02/2019 16:07

I actually think it's quite important to not solve this problem. Feeding these people when they are elsewhere is not the OP's responsibility and this is clearly one of those situations where being kind will be mistaken for being weak.

Original poster
user1471499145 · 12/02/2019 16:18

Hi all thanks for all the input.
I changed the ages in the previous threads because I thought they were too identifying.

I agree I am a doormat. I’m sat here now wondering how I got to this place.

Last year I did investigate my options & due to my current financial situation my option was to start in a hostel & then hopefully get temporary accommodation a few months down the line. That is obviously still an option.
I’m just so mad at myself for putting myself in this situation.
I’ve also looked at live in positions & my SIL has offered to help me with my CV.

Once again thanks for all your input.

OP posts:
macaroniandpizza · 12/02/2019 16:21

user1471 i remember your holiday thread, time for another holiday perhaps? An extended one this time...

LimpidPools · 12/02/2019 16:35

Little steps OP.

Accept your SILs help and fix up your CV.

And give some thought to what job you'd choose have if there were no constraints at all.

But please leave this man. You won't yourself while you're with him.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 12/02/2019 16:37

Seriously - get out. If you are this decent a cook and want live in positions as a way to get started I know lots of agencies who would jump at the chance to have you other books!

Just ask - what are you getting out of this for you?

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 12/02/2019 16:56

Can you not stay with one of your adult children for a while? I would go for a live-in position before I went hostel and temp because tbh, single people with no dependents are going to be very unlikely to be housed permanently.

MakeItAmazing · 12/02/2019 17:04

shockthemonkey only to you …