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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send meals home with DSC

259 replies

user1471499145 · 11/02/2019 21:55

DPs DCs stay EOW. He sees them twice every week as well.
Their DM lives with her partner. She has high earning job but doesn’t return home until 7pm ish. The DCs are 15 & 18.
DP has asked if I can send them home with a meal that can be frozen/re heated on the weekends they are with us because they are fed up with their meals.
I have done so far but this weekend I spent 6 hours cooking. I’m knackered.
& I’m feeding his ex - she sent a thank you for her dinner tonight !
I want someone to cook me dinner!

OP posts:
trulybadlydeeply · 12/02/2019 11:03

This man doesn't love you, he doesn't even care about you. Why are you with him? Does he honestly ever make you happy?

Do not send meals for the DSC. Do not even teach them how to cook - they have had ample opportunity to sit with you in the kitchen and learn while you have made umpteen meals for them. If they still don't know how to cook at their ages their parents can teach them, or they can follow videos on line.

Only you can change things OP. Only you can leave this man and start a new life in which you are not treated in an abusive and callous way. What is stopping you? There must be something that's stopped you leaving him?

BartonHollow · 12/02/2019 11:04

How do people know these posts are OP?

She has said so in her posts

Settlersofcatan · 12/02/2019 11:05

Instead of spending hours cooking meals for them, why not go out for dinner with a nice book and leave them to get on with it?

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 12/02/2019 11:06

My sons are 14&18, can make lasagnes, spaghetti bol, shepherds pie, curry etc, as well as pull anything out of the freezer like chips, cod fillet and veg, sausage, chips and beans or make chicken Kiev, salad and jacket potato etc etc etc.

We decide who’s cooking by who’s hungry first! If it’s me, I cook, if it’s the dc, they cook. Simple.

My point being it’s easy food to do. Kids need to know how to cook. They aren’t hard meals. I think your dsc and their mother are just taking the piss out of you!! I’d love to have someone bring us weekly meals!!

BartonHollow · 12/02/2019 11:08

People who are focusing on the cooking aspect, because they've responded straight after reading the OP need to go back and read the thread.

YogaWannabe · 12/02/2019 11:12

She has said so in her posts

Blush I had a feeling it would be something obvious Blush

Ruru8thestars · 12/02/2019 11:20

He’s a raging arsehole. Why are you still with him?

Daisymay2 · 12/02/2019 11:22

I have just re-read your last thread which I was on. Its not got better has it?
As a concession, teach them how to cook a couple of decent meals ( lasagne if you must!) Then they can sort themselves. Why on earth would you send meals for them and the Ex to eat at hers? Why does the idiot think that is a reasonable request.
Please disengage from him and find your own space- you are still a skivvy as far as he is concerned

theworldistoosmall · 12/02/2019 11:28

I cannot understand why people are saying to the op to teach the kids to cook. To buy them frozen meals etc. Why the fuck should she?
This family of arseholes are treating her like a skivvy and some of you are reinforcing it as good ffs. That it's her responsibility when it's not. These brats live with their mum and stepdad. They can teach them. They can do like millions of others do and batch cook at the weekend or quick meals when they walk in at 7.
Why should op spend 6 hours cooking for another household?
For those suggesting it, you can start cooking for me every week.

Youandwhosearmy · 12/02/2019 11:31

I remember Wagyu thread and just had a read of Lasagne thread, none of this is making sense! Lasagne thread is all about your partner going on holiday without you and Wagyu thread posted a week later is about an incident that occured on the last night of the recent holiday you went on with partner and his kids, I'm so confused!

Youandwhosearmy · 12/02/2019 11:33

I'm not troll hunting btw and understand that posters change details to avoid being outed but it doesn't help with advising when it's not clear at all what is going on, especially when you have brought up the previous threads yourself on this thread

Singlenotsingle · 12/02/2019 11:37

I think you're a bit of a sheep to be doing all this, OP. The oldest dc isn't even a child ffs! You're not helping them prepare for life are you. Tell dh this has got to stop, and it stops NOW! You're fed up with being taken for a fool!

diddl · 12/02/2019 11:40

What do you get in return for being treated like shit by this man & his sons?

DishingOutDone · 12/02/2019 11:42

Just read the lasagne thread - all 28 pages. It seems that OP would be able to get away from this man, and it seems that she should. But sometimes you just get the feeling that she will be back here with something slightly different, maybe a dessert based issue, in 6 months time Sad

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 12/02/2019 11:43

I think the OP should name change to Cinderella

NoodleKT · 12/02/2019 11:44

Just read lasagne gate in its entirety, what exactly do you get out of this relationship?
It seems like he gets a maid and a cook but you just get left out.
I really feel for you!
Can someone like Steakgate for me??

SnappedandFartedagain · 12/02/2019 11:48

Oh god I’m so gutted to hear you didn’t actually leave after the lasagne thread! You sounded so strong and determined not to go back. When will you finally put an end to this situation?!

BookwormMe2 · 12/02/2019 11:50

I'm really confused. Has the OP actually confirmed she is both the wagyu and the lasagne OP?

Only the Wagyu beef thread was posted on August 14 last year, when the OP said she had just returned from a family holiday with her DP and his kids. The meal was in a restaurant on the last night of their holiday.

However, the lasagne thread was the week before – that OP was still posting about being in Croatia on August 8 and said she was coming home on the Saturday, which would've been the 11th.

So the timings don't work for her to be the writer of both??

BookwormMe2 · 12/02/2019 11:51

Although, really, the only issue is that the DP in all threads is a twat and whoever his OP is, they should leave him!

BookwormMe2 · 12/02/2019 11:53

Sorry Youandwhosearmy, just seen you've already posted exactly the same!

eddielizzard · 12/02/2019 11:53

I was so cheering for you when you went on holiday so they had to do their own washing and cooking. I know you're finding it hard to leave, but your threads are pretty unanimous. What other validation do you need that it's ok to leave? What is actually stopping you? In a way you're coming across as co-dependant, loving being a martyr. Yet you're clearly not happy with the situation.

theworldistoosmall · 12/02/2019 11:55

I can understand why the op didn't leave.
It's hard to leave an abusive relationship. Her self worth will be extremely low. She wont have the belief that she can go it alone and be happier away from these tossers. The fact that he convinced her to cook and send home meals shows the amount of power and manipulation he has on her. Yes she probably does realise it's a toxic relationship, but until she finally plucks up the courage to leave, she will continue to be manipulated.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Op do the program.

RainbowWaffles · 12/02/2019 11:58

*I'm really confused. Has the OP actually confirmed she is both the wagyu and the lasagne OP?

Only the Wagyu beef thread was posted on August 14 last year, when the OP said she had just returned from a family holiday with her DP and his kids. The meal was in a restaurant on the last night of their holiday.

However, the lasagne thread was the week before – that OP was still posting about being in Croatia on August 8 and said she was coming home on the Saturday, which would've been the 11th.

So the timings don't work for her to be the writer of both??*

She has. But you are right about them being impossible to reconcile.

listsandbudgets · 12/02/2019 12:24

OP its time you found your voice. You deserve far better than this.

Next time they come round order a recipe box (Guosto or Hello Fresh are meant to be good) tell them that everything they need including the recipe card is in the kitchen and that you've got to go out for a couple of hours so could they save you a portion please.

Then go out to dinner with a friend or even by yourself and leave them to sink or swim. If they get it right - you could even freeze the spare portion for them to take home with them.

Next night - guys you did such a good job last night feel free to pick another from the box and try again. I'm so enjoying a couple of nights off cooking (if they don't cook go out to dinner again)

By their ages they need to be able to cook. Even my 6 year old DS can make sandwiches (of sorts!) bizarre fruit juice concoctions and given a safe knife mix up fruit salad and yogurt. My 13 year old can whip up an omlette or baked potato or a bowl of pasta. Its a basic life skill and you will be doing them a huge favour by going on strike!

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