To not send meals home with DSC

[user1471499145]

DPs DCs stay EOW. He sees them twice every week as well.
Their DM lives with her partner. She has high earning job but doesn’t return home until 7pm ish. The DCs are 15 & 18.
DP has asked if I can send them home with a meal that can be frozen/re heated on the weekends they are with us because they are fed up with their meals.
I have done so far but this weekend I spent 6 hours cooking. I’m knackered.
& I’m feeding his ex - she sent a thank you for her dinner tonight !
I want someone to cook me dinner!

[Pinkbells]

Spend a bit of time showing them how to cook some of their favourite meals, then send them home with a box with the basic ingredients they need (spices, etc) and recipes so that their mum can just buy the perishables. They would probably love to be able to make it themselves and for their mum. But YABAS (You Are Being A Sucker) for feeding her!!

[LannieDuck]

DP has asked if I can send them home with a meal that can be frozen/re heated

The correct answer is "yes, of course you can if you want to".

[steppemum]

Why don't you teach them to cook their favourite meals?
Then you are doing right by THEM, you are teaching tem a life skill. They can cook if they wnat to on their weekends at their mum's.

It woudl be a nice thing to do together too, it is always hard to find times to connect with teens

[RainbowWaffles]

I just read the lasagne and wagyu beef threads. Blimey. A 13 year old DSS who cries when he loses board games and receives smaller portions of food, and would like you to cook food to send home to his mother’s so he can eat your cooking there. Not to mention your contemptuous arsehole of a partner who seems to treat you like a slave for him and his children.

A lot of posts on this site are mad, so many people seem to have ridiculously strict boundaries and don’t like to compromise or put themselves out. I wonder how they maintain relationships or have any friends. But you are the other extreme end of the spectrum.

Why do you allow yourself to be taken advantage of on this way? What are the good things you get out of this situation as it sounds utterly shit. You sound lovely and deserve better.

[Panicatthebistro]

The thing is with CFs, when you do them a big favour once, they expect it will be an ongoing thing and if you stop the favour then they act all aggrieved and try to make you feel bad, when you've put yourself out for little thanks.

Please don't cook any more heat-and-eat meals for them otherwise you'll be driving to uni with a weekly delivery of foil trays of food for the next 6-7 years and they'll be moaning that there's either not enough variety, too big or too small, too spicy or too bland etc etc, and if you stop then you will be starving them.

If their Mum is such a high earner, why can't she buy them ready meals from Waitrose/Sainsburys or the like?

When CFs ask me to do something I always think "if it were the other way round would they do this for me?" 9 times out of 10 the answer would be "no way".

[timeisnotaline]

If you actually want to help them you would encourage independence and skills like cooking. Repeat into the mirror: spoiling rotten and being a doormat is NOT helping. It will not help them find nice partners or happiness or healthy relationships.

Then leave their selfish asshole of a dad.

[theworldistoosmall]

Why should the op teach them to cook? Their parents should have been doing this years ago. Her teaching them to cook is still placing responsibility on her shoulders.

[drspouse]

I have found beefgate thread but I really need a link to lasagnegate.

(Actual helpful point. You are a mug. They want food, they cook it or their DM does).

[YogaWannabe]

Oh OP! Are you mad!?

[Hotterthanahotthing]

Buy 2 cheap frozen meals and send them home with those.
And I read the other posts at the time and horrified that your still there.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Another one amazed you're still with them. Not only that but you're feeding them and his ex...

I know you've said the meals stop now. But please seriously think about leaving. Being single is incredibly liberating, especially when you've had a bunch of lazy arseholes taking the mick for so long.

They are 15 and 18, are they not able to stick something in the microwave? And as for their Mother.... and don't even get me started on your 'DP'... I don't know whether to hug you or shake you, OP.

[RainbowWaffles]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3319494-To-Not-Make-An-Effort-on-DP-and-DSC-holiday-return

Lasangegate

[WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit]

Doesn't the fact that 80% of people reading this remember Steakgate and Lasagnegate bother you?

You were doing so well when you went on holiday - what happened when you got back?

[eddielizzard]

I think you need to understand why your sense of self is so low, why you have no boundaries and where you find the strength to leave your arsehole of a DP.

[theworldistoosmall]

And no buying frozen meals to send home either.

Dump this arse of a family. They can cook and shop for themselves. You are worth far more than being a skivvy to these vile people.

[drspouse]

Thanks Rainbow!

[shockthemonkey]

"DP has asked if I can send them home with a meal that can be frozen/re heated on the weekends they are with us because they are fed up with their meals"

OK, I had to read this twice as the syntax suggests that you send them home with frozen meals that they then defrost when they come back to yours.

That cannot be what you mean. You mean that you are basically catering for them while they're at their mum's, by providing them with frozen meals to take back to her house for defrosting while they are not with you?

Crazy. Unbelievable cheek on the part of the mum.

[IncrediblySadToo]

I remember too.

You didn’t listen last time, you probably wont listen this time, but maybe one day you will...

LEAVE
This
Prick

[SnapesGreasyHair]

On re-reading lasagne gate, it reads very much as the OP doing stuff to please the readers. Was any of it true? Did you actually do any of what you said or did you just give us what "wanted"?

OP - only you know what has happened previously and if any of this is the truth. Also only you know whether you really will make a stand.

I'm not troll hunting as l do think some of this has happened but I'm just not convinced that the OP - for whatever reason - is actually being truthful

[Fluffycloudland77]

I’m not sure what your hoping to achieve from this relationship. Unless you’ve got some sort of martyrdom thing going on and hope one day your partner will appreciate you.

Which won’t happen. Your basically a living domestic appliance.

[YogaWannabe]

How do people know those posts are OP? Sorry I’m probably missing something obvious?

[Bluerussian]

Well it is the ex wife's business to cook for her kids or maybe they can cook for themselves. The odd lasagne or cottage pie might be appreciated but only if you feel like doing it, or pay for ifsh and chips sometimes.

[ambereeree]

I remember you from lasagne gate and thought wow that's amazing she went on holiday and dumped that abusive prat.
OP you sound so downtrodden please please get angry and rid yourself of this crazy situation.

[Mayrhofen]

(I did post during the Summer regarding Wagyu beef gate when they were holiday)

I remember that one! OMG, these boys and their father need a kick up the bottom.

[NannyRed]

Instead of spending hours cooking meals for them, why not spend a while each visit teaching them an easy recipe they can make for themselves at home.

By 15 I could cook a full roast dinner amongst other dishes, because both my parents taught me to cook.

A pasta bake with mixed veggies, easy as falling off a log and a great first recipe to have under their belt.
Sunday roast, just a matter of timings, lasagne, shepherds pie, fish pie, all easy, one pot dishes ‘children’ of 15+ should be able to cook. Stop babying them, start preparing them for real life.