AIBU to think clothes can be distracting?

[angelicaorchnid]

My dd is taking some extra GCSEs she can't take at school at another school in May,

She received a letter with information about where to go on the days etc. In it they say to make sure they wear not 'outrageous' clothing. Because their boys are normal and get distracted easily (it's a boys school).

Dd thinks this isn't right, and 'girls bodies shouldn't be seen as objects of distraction for boys', I don't agree, I think it's reasonable for them to stipulate what to wear. Dd says she agrees but they could've done it without saying they were distracting, and boys should be able to control themselves.

AIBU? i'm not sure if i'm just old school and not with what's appropriate now!

Dds school doesn't have a uniform so she couldn't wear that, she was planning on just something chill like jeans, which we hope is okay!

When we initially spoke to them they sent a different document that mentioned clothes, I might try to find that to clarify it.

Oh FFS. They're talking about teenage boys being distracted by girls' bodies. All clothes available on the high Street today seem to be cropped! This would be normal reaction for a teenage boy.
It states that the boys will be in uniform, so no distraction for the girls in the outfits that the boys wear.

Let's not overcomplicate every fucking thing on the planet.

You are right, @RiverTam - it is wrong that schools believe that girls are to blame for boys’ inattention. Sadly, in this case, I am not sure the OP is going to convince the school of this - and the best she can hope for is to show them a less sexist way of giving the message. I hope I am wrong.

At that age (presume we're talking 14/15/16) every outfit I wore had boys and impressing them in mind. No-one else?!

@Jellyonawonkyplate but the letter doesn't stipulate what the visiting boys have to wear so as not to distract the visiting girls (or indeed any gay boys that are at their school).
It's clear sexism.

Wow, last years document was worded far better! No reference to gender.

'Candidates are respectfully asked to dress in an appropriate manner ('smart casual'?) that is not distracting to our own candidates'

@kaytee but if they stipulate everything, the list could be endless, certain religions, sexuality etc etc. It's PC too far and overcomplicated.

I'm guessing for Jelly, #MeToo is something that happened to other people.

STG I daresay you're right. Makes my blood boil!

It's not "PC too far" and it's not over complicated. Posters here have given examples of short simple instructions that make the point without being sexist. Indeed, last year's request is not too far off what has been suggested here.

@Jellyonawonkyplate they don't have to stipulate everything at all. There's been lots of examples given of other wording that doesn't single out girls.

Boys are very distracting to girls too (it's why girls in single sex schools tend to do better). No one blames the boys though do they?!

I don't think it's why girls do better in single sex schools, is it? I thought that was more to do with boys not being there to dominate the classroom, that kind of thing. Though the other can't help, I guess.

@RiverTam I should have really said it's one of the reasons.

yes, agreed. It's not the main reason why I would like DD to be at a girls' school though.

If it's a warm day why the hell shouldn't they wear shorts, a vest top and flip flops?

Because the school has a dress code. That applies to all students who will be sitting their exams. The issue is that the school allows external candidates to sit exams.

They can't force external candidates to wear the school's uniform but they can set out an expected dress code for anyone using their school's facilities.

it drums home how stupid uniform is, if you end up with boys who can't cope with seeing a bit of female flesh

It's not about "female flesh" being on show. It's about external candidates causing a minimum of disruption to the students of the school.

The school's first responsibility is to their students, they allow external candidates to sit exams there as a courtesy, it is not a right.

Any candidate with an issue may mean there is a disruption to the exam. Not just from the teenage boys craning their necks to look down a girl's low cut top but from invigilators/exam officers potentially trying to decide if they need to make other arrangements for candidates who have ignored the school's exam rules.

If a student turned up in shorts and t shirt then the school would have consequences - either being denied entry to the exam hall/having to have them put in a separate room/school sanctions etc - but with external candidates they have less power to sanction them outside of the exam so any issues have to be dealt with in the hall directly before the exam. Any issues with the school students are likely to be picked up before they reach the exam hall as they will usually be expected to wait in a classroom/designated area with one of their teachers.

So again, this goes back to their responsibility being to their students. Any issues with external candidates at the start of an exam is going to be a distraction to the other students in the hall but the school's main focus will be on the students they have taught and who have paid for their education at their establishment.

If too many external candidates cause disruption/distraction in the exam hall- for whatever reason- then the school would be well within their rights to refuse to accept external candidates in future.

Yes, that does make sense. But it still comes back to it being considered perfectly acceptable for boys to be distracted by this kind of thing and thus up to girls to police their clothing to stop that.

That is an atrocious life lesson for the school to be teaching their boys.

Did you see that thread last week about the attitude of boys in boys' schools to girls? Sounds like this school is one of those schools, and with the blessing of the head.

I winder how non-uniform schools cope with this kind of thing?

I went to a non-uniform school. It was a non-issue.

Even in what should absolutely be a safe space - a school - the authorities attempt to make women responsible for men and boys leering at them.

Some days I get angry about this shit, sometimes I just feel really really sad.

And days like today I remind myself we must take some heart in the fact that a favourite singer with teens today recently had some powerful and tbh inspirational and impressive thoughts on the social vitriol directed towards her after the death of what seems like her greatest love - Mac Miller, who by all odds she was always madly in love with and has spoken fondly of before and after his death. She was subjected the nastiest of the web - people asking how she could have abandoned someone so troubled and blaming her.

Her response, pic attached, genuinely swelled my heart and left a lump in my throat from such an unexpected source. Maybe if we keep talking then more and more people will listen.

We need to "stop shaming / blaming women for a men's inability to get their shit together."

Ariana - thank you for empowering the girls who idolise you.

I have a suggestion for suitable clothing www.classicclothingstore.com/ Perhaps you can suggest that the school forward this to the exam candidates?

@CountFisco - did your school have a dress code or were pupils free to wear whatever they wanted? I do wonder whether, if children are used to an ‘anything goes’ dress code, then what other people are wearing stops being something they really notice, and the potential for ‘distraction’ reduces?

@CountFisco - did your school have a dress code or were pupils free to wear whatever they wanted? I do wonder whether, if children are used to an ‘anything goes’ dress code, then what other people are wearing stops being something they really notice, and the potential for ‘distraction’ reduces?

Oops - sorry for the double post - not sure what happened there!

@SchadenfreudePersonified there speaks a person who has never had their period leak onto their white jeans. During an exam, I might add. I found it distracting.

Also, my DH can get a lob on from looking at me in grubby flannel pyjamas. And he's 39.

If the sight of me (34, with the remains of breasts that have fed two children) in that much fabric can still elicit a response from a middle aged man, I should think a lithe 15 year old in skinny jeans would probably catch the attention of teenage boys, if they were so minded.

I highly doubt OP's daughter would be sitting her exams in anything other than jeans and a t-shirt anyway, for reasons of comfort alone. Add in the fact that this is an unfamiliar exam hall, which could be overly air-conditioned, and I'd think a sensible girl like OP's DD may even err on the side of caution and bring a jumper.

It has been some time since I sat a school exam but I can't summon a memory of anyone dressed for anything other than comfort.

This is fucking outrageous. I would be tagging this shit on every conceivable social media site.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius no dress code at all, primary or secondary at any of the local schools. Rural area, no really culture of dressing anything other than practically so yes, no-one really cared how you dressed. Like at 6th form colleges or University.

Having been at a school like that I'm very aware of how sexualised school uniform is for girls (think about Britney Spears!). I really dislike school uniform and see no point to them. Looking forward to the kids going to 6th form where they won't have to wear them.