AIBU to think clothes can be distracting?

[angelicaorchnid]

My dd is taking some extra GCSEs she can't take at school at another school in May,

She received a letter with information about where to go on the days etc. In it they say to make sure they wear not 'outrageous' clothing. Because their boys are normal and get distracted easily (it's a boys school).

Dd thinks this isn't right, and 'girls bodies shouldn't be seen as objects of distraction for boys', I don't agree, I think it's reasonable for them to stipulate what to wear. Dd says she agrees but they could've done it without saying they were distracting, and boys should be able to control themselves.

AIBU? i'm not sure if i'm just old school and not with what's appropriate now!

I tried with imgur!

imgur.com/a/x93cnVd

Sorry for doubting you OP, that's horrendous. Fucking boys and their precious emotions. Cant control themselves and it's not their fault. Damn women getting in the way trying to get educated.

This is shocking and terribly old fashioned. I agree with the sentiment - clothing should be modest and flesh covering for both boys and girls. They should have stipulated, ‘No vests/strappy or midriff-baring tops, shorts or skirts above the knee without tights.’ I would email the Head and express my distaste at the sexist message and wording. I hate this, ‘Poor boys, they aren’t responsible for their actions...’ crap. Unbelievable how many people still convey this message in 2019!

She should send them a dictiobary with tabs highlighting the words ‘normal’ and ‘stupid’. It would seem the school doesn’t realise that they mean two different things.

Please do consider naming and shaming.

My dd's mixed school has a regulation for non-school uniform which asks for clothing which is 'appropriate, non-revealing and with no offensive logos or comments'. I think this is fine although open to interpretation on the day!

Nothing about 'normal' boys anyway.

Totally outdated!

cheeky fuckers!! Please take it further OP!! Your daughter is 100% right every day sexiest bull shit. I cannot believe some idiot has thought this would go unnoticed!!

Fucking hell. I like your daughter. I think the school is sexist.

Wow. I's this an independent all boys school by any chance?

Your DD is right IMO. It's one thing to stipulate the wearing of a dress code (even though I personally think it authoritarian and completely unnecessary: the USA and European continent both seem to manage without it quite well). But that's an aside. The phrasing of that request is really odd, not only for its antediluvian attitudes but it's couched in very extremist terms which are also vague. How exactly would they categorize 'outrageous?' A teenager's idea of outrage and that of an ultra-conservative school (as this clearly is) will likely be very different propositions.

As for the sexist objectification of girls and the assumption that boys are feral sex maniacs who are incapable of controlling themselves, that's grossly offensive on both counts. Whatever lessons this school are trying to teach these kids, the message this puts out is incredibly damaging.

yes it's an independent boys boarding school.

I will email the head after dd takes her exams, and have dd help me as she can probably word it better than I can!

It worries and saddens me in equal measure that drivel like this is still said- never mind in the context of a boys school where their job is to teach young boys and men how to treat and view women.

Your daughter is insightful and justified to be angry with this- a definite email to the head and if there's any authority who oversee the boarding school I'd be contacting them too! Outrageous.

Your DD is absolutely right! Its sexism and discrimination. I would go straight to the school/head before she took her exams, if they stopped her then even further grounds for discrimination! Ask for an apology and another email sent out taking back the outdated/1950s style wording.

Nope that’s appalling. Your DD has her head screwed on though and should be praised for recognising what this actually is - absolving boys of their repsonsibility and laying it on girls.

I have two sons and it infuriates me when boys are demeaned like this - they are not mindless idiots ruled by their penises!!

I don't know if naming and shaming is the right way to go though, everything i've heard about the school is great and it's probably just the exams officer! Although a school with a high reputation should consider what they put out a lot more deeply.

Sitting in an exam hall you can really only see a few other people; those on either side and directly in front. They are mostly obscured by desks and chairs. I struggle to imagine what anyone could wear that would be distracting for someone else doing an exam.

I have seen some interesting sights while invigilating exams, but then I was sitting on a platform and my job was to look at the students. Most notable were always the previously conservative boys who would suddenly appear in the exam hall with cropped bleached blonde or brightly coloured hair, or pierced eyebrows. Usually an outward sign of inward distress, unfortunately. I also remember one girl who always attended exams in a beautiful Chanel style suit, immaculate makeup and hair and fabulous nails. Occasionally in summer very short shorts appear, I can't help imagining the discomfort of peeling thighs off plastic chairs. Vest tops on both sexes are not uncommon, but often the exam room is not as warm as the outside world so the vest wearers shiver. There is always a student who wears Hawaiian board shorts and flipflops year round, they never feel cold. There is always a boy who yawns and stretches theatrically half way through the exam revealing their stomach. Sometimes someone falls asleep on their desk. Sometimes people cry. Despite all this I have almost never known a complaint from a student that they have been distracted by another student because, strangely, they are concentrating on the exam. The exception was when a student passed out, fell off their seat and had to be removed by paramedics, even then only part of the exam hall noticed.

I am guessing some girls in past turned up in stuff like this. I wouldn't put it past DD. And if she saw OP's advice, she'd see it as a challenge to be met.

Do you know what's funny (sad funny)? I used Ecosia & Google, with 2-3 word phrases "nightclub outfit" & "teenager nightclub outfit". And those are typical of what turned up in the image search (almost exclusively). All female, all selfies, all skin-city. Do blokes not go to clubs? Does no one take pic of others at nightclubs? Does everyone clubbing bare as much skin as possible. Pffft.

If the response you get from the head (and I would do it ASAP actually, if the head hasn't cleared that they will probably be furious) then definitely name and shame the school. I can't believe they've sent that out. What would they do if a boy did assault a girl? Blame it on her wearing 'distracting' clothing?

Ah it’s a boys school. So this is where they breed the arrogant shits that run the country and banking. Is it any wonder where they get their attitudes from.

The staff clearly don’t know how the behave around women. Time they started to learn.

OMD that's awful

your DD is right to be annoyed

do the girls have to wear bin liners? Fucking outrageous.

I think i will email in a polite, just to let them know what was said kind of way?

Good on your daughter. Suggest she wears a T-shirt that says YOUR LEVEL OF DISTRACTION IS UP TO YOU, SWEETCHEEKS.

That is utterly horrendous. Please complain.

I believed you from the get go because I have heard other schools say similar.

Don't email, send a formal letter to the head.

The school has basically insulted all the girls coming to take exams there. Totally unprofessional and must never happen again.

It's not Tonbridge is it?

What an unprofessional letter!