To look crazy and send this text to my mil

[AllTheGoodUsernamesTaken]

To look crazy and send this by text to my c**t of a mil:
Who we send cards to, gifts to and what gifts we send is non of your business. Trying to micromanage our life's to this level is bonkers and I'm at the end of my tether with it. You don't get a say in how much we donate at our sons Christening, or a say in how much my engagement ring is or whether or not we have children (if dh had listened to you dc wouldn't be here would he) , what job dh has (you got fil to do that. Who thinks they get a say in what job there adult children have, very entitled and crazy, that and was crossing the line and the straw that broke the camels back with putting up with your controlling interfering behaviour for the past 10 years).
You don't get a say in when and where I give birth, and if I want to tell my parents I'm in labour and not you its my decision, so sending my parents a patents a passive aggressive text because didn't betray my trust is bang out of order. You don't get a say in if I breastfed my child, just creepy how opposed you where to it. You don't get to talk to me or dh like 5 year olds (surprisingly I know you give a sick child water) or micromanage us in front of our son! Stop throwing emotional blackmail tantrums when you don't get your way. I will no longer be putting up with it- who thinks they can micromanage there adult children's lives to this level is very entitled and crazy. Ps I know you stole my dress dh got me and gave it to sil

Really want to send to her or is it a stupid crazy idea

OP the best advice I can give you:

Drop the rope.

MIL is not your problem. The only way your husband will understand is if he feels the full brunt of the crazy himself without his meat shields (you and dc).

If he brings her up, change the subject. If he says 'my mum won't leave me alone and says you're keeping her grandchildren away from her and it's awful' you say 'oh no I'm sorry she's behaving so badly, what would you like for dinner?'

Block her number. No longer communicate. Let your DH deal with her.

I also think he should be taking the kids, they were going when you were.
He'll manage, he'll have to.

Don’t be cold, be excruciatingly polite to your mil. It allows you be rude without anyone being able to complain.

Say to your DH that he will obviously want to get the stuff ready for the weekend, as it is his family’s thing and he shouldn’t miss out on mil’s activities.

Then have a lovely weekend with DC, getting some treats for you all.

If mil txt you, reply you will pass it on to DH, then don’t engage.

Why wouldn't he take his DC?

If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.

If your DH doesn't see the issue, let him bring the stupid food and take the DC on the stupid activities. He'll do it once, maybe even twice and then he'll put a stop to it and you can do the I Told You So dance. St the moment you are mitigating and managing the situation - STOP.

I don't know OP but I'm terrified as I'm approaching that stage.

My DC , or the eldest at least has good boundaries. I have found in the past the more the DC see pils...the less they want to etc. So support the DC in saying no when they want to. don't tell them off for being rude Etc.

My mil too is madly bossy and I feel she only ever wants us in her house so she can boss us around and have power. My mil has never worked and had rich DH so it's like her way of lording it, over people.

Great idea to write it all out here but don't send it. You'd only be engaging with her - your emotional reaction will fuel her. Can you not distance yourself from her and reduce contact more?

I see what you mean about him taking the dc. If he doesn't take the dc his whole family especially his mother will spend half the time complaining to him how upset they are that the dc isn't there.

Budsbegginingspringinsight my Mil is like that, she wants us to go to her house because she can be more controlling on her own turf

Why have you let it get to this stage over all these years?
You need to put your own sanity first here, I don't know anyone who would be willing to cope with this.
Sort it today, tell dh to get the presents and remind him what he'll need for the kids, and the rest is up to him.
Go somewhere nice with a friend and have a jolly good time, without mil.

You have a DH problem. If he doesn’t agree with you, you’re a bit stuffed really.

OP we are micro managed down to what colour drinks we can or can't drink in certain room's, which toilets and hand basins we can use Etc.
Given instructions then Swiftly changed to wrong foot us and lots of ,in fact no other conversation except about her things.

I'm not sure about him taking DC. Because DH won't be bearing the brunt there, his family will and OP and the DC all come as a package.

I think it's good for DH too Go alone and enjoy his family.

I wouldn't mind so much op if the conversation was decent...or the company pleasant...or the food was ok but everything Is shoved down our throats as though they are the best....we have gone off their life track And they need too Keep telling us what's needed too live like them...

They're the most miserable negative people I've ever met...

Budsbegginingspringinsight that sounds unbearable, are you going low contact with your mil? How often do you have to go to her house? I refuse to go more than two times a year now, one time if possible. The colour of drinks in different rooms is very odd and controlling. My Mil doesn't allow you to drink anything outside of the kitchen diner area except water incase you spill it. Think she thinks we are going to spill ribena or something on her precious couch like a 5 year old. Get what you mean about the conversation, you can't disagree or have a proper conversation like an adult because there opinion is the only correct one and it's amazing you can manage to do the simplest tasks without their benevolent guidance.

Start by blocking her phone number and emails and any other contact.

Any time your DH starts with the 'why can't you talk to my mum' shit, tell him why, calmly.

But if it goes on much longer, honestly, I'd be telling DH to man up and stand up for me or I would be reconsidering our relationship.