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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wake DH's friend up?

236 replies

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 07:49

Some people may remember my previous thread, DH's friend staying with us for two weeks as he's homeless, he'll be leaving on Tuesday.

He manages to sleep through his alarms, three have gone off this morning and he's still not up.
DH left early for a day out with mates this morning and has been waking him up everyday since he's stayed here, which i have outright refused to do.

So DH's friend has some overtime with another friend today, and he'll be taking the other friend there. The other friend can't get there without DH's friend who is staying with us as he can't drive. So if DH's friend doesn't get up, the other friend won't be able to work today.

DH asked if i would wake his friend up but i refused, which he was completely fine with and agrees it's not my responsibility.

But now the other friend has messaged me asking if i can please get him up because they need to leave!!

AIBU to say no or just ignore the message?

He's an adult and needs to learn the consequences of not getting up for work surely? But other friend won't be able to work today if I don't, and he's also expecting a baby so I feel bad if I don't because it's not his fault this lazy fucker can't get out of bed. Angry

And he'll be leaving on Tuesday regardless of whether he has any money if anyone's wondering Grin

OP posts:
TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 11/02/2019 00:34

He's a lazy twat with no boundaries who thinks the world owes him a living.

BadLad · 11/02/2019 02:19

One more day to go.Smile

StealthPolarBear · 11/02/2019 04:43

" you and your DP might find out first hand what being awake until the early hours and then only getting a few hours of sleep, before being expected to function as a rational adult, too. sad"
So put up with him as it's good practi e for having a newborn?!
Also who on earth said "don't deprive two grown men of their wages", in what way would she be doing that?
I am amazed that the majority of posters told the op to wake him up.

StealthPolarBear · 11/02/2019 04:44

Mentally ill people also brush their teeth and drink coffee. These are things mentally ill people do. It doesn't mean that doing them indicates you're mentally ill.

Lweji · 11/02/2019 07:21

Exactly.

If this man has mental health problems then he needs to a dress them.

But saying he might be from behaviour consistent with drug abuse and lack of responsibility is insulting to people with mental health issues, I'd think.

Lweji · 11/02/2019 07:22

Or even address them.

Sb74 · 11/02/2019 08:01

Don’t know if you’ve woken him up as only read first page but I think you’re being a bit pathetic to be honest. The poor guy is homeless and is probably feeling depressed, struggling to wake up. Even adults need help at times. Just wake him up and grow up?! Not sure this even warranted a thread.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 11/02/2019 09:22

Sb74 the OP posted this on Saturday morning, its now Monday. I think he's been woken up by now - probably much to his displeasure.

Beefthief - mental illness or no mental illness, staying up half the night being overstimulated playing games isn't conducive to waking up for work the next morning.

You can't help someone if they wont help themselves - people like the OP have been staving off the inevitable consequences of this man's own actions, whether he changes or seeks professional help is up to him.

Let's hope Tuesday is the day he does this.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/02/2019 09:32

Sb74

He's homeless because his behaviour is so appalling that even his own mother has lost patience with him! He's acting like a stupid 14 year old and he's nearly 30.

He may have mental health problems - however he isn't even trying to help himself, and OP has herself and her unborn child to consider.

Which should she give priority to?

A lazy, weed-smoking tosser who sits up half the night and then can't shift his idle *rse out of bed in the morning, or a tiny, helpless newborn?

Mmmm . . .tough one.

Juells · 11/02/2019 09:46

Sleepsoon7
Just a bit bemused about how he’s smoking wee...

Perhaps it gives a very powerful high Grin

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 11/02/2019 09:47

Didn't think people would still be replying!

DH's friend went to work after i woke him, DH actually furious that the guy he was working with messaged me and agreed it's not my responsibility to wake someone else up, however i feel happy that at least his friend got a days wage out of it.
He got home between 1-5am (the only hours i managed to get sleep Grin ) and didn't get up till 5pm yesterday!!

In response to some posters, no he is not smoking weed, or wee Grin in my house. He came back once smelling of weed and i made him stay somewhere else for the night and it hasn't happened since (he stayed at another mates house).
He is leaving tomorrow, tonight is his last night in my house and he will be getting his things tomorrow after work. I believe he is staying with another friend for a week and then possibly another friend after that.
I don't think he's made any effort to save, he apparantly had to pay for his car insurance last week which was a weeks wage and apparently his tire burst so he needed another one, not that i believe either of those things happened.
He's out almost everynight till late/the early hours (I'm sleeping very badly at the moment so can hear when he comes in), he's also eating out every night rather than cooking in which he has obviously been more than welcome to do whilst he is here with us.

On the whole, DH now knows that he's made no effort to help himself and has pretty much given up on him and is in full agreement that we've done more than enough to try and help him and he's leaving tomorrow.

If anyone's interested, I'll update tomorrow once he's left!

And here's my previous thread incase anyone was interested, where it was pretty unanimous that i shouldn't have even helped him in the first place!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3492623-To-set-house-rules-for-DHs-friend?pg=1&order=

OP posts:
SnapesGreasyHair · 11/02/2019 10:05

OP - l posted on your first thread but different name. I'm really pleased that it hasn't gone as badly as we all predicted but PLEASE be strong and make him leave tomorrow.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/02/2019 11:53

I'm with Snapes - you've been lucky, but don't push it.

RoboticSealpup · 11/02/2019 12:44

It's really not the 8 months pregnant OPs responsibility to baby a friend of her DH's, a grown man who has been thrown out by his own mother as well as another friend for being a lazy, freeloading pisstaker who only turns up at work when he feels like it and spends his money on weed. Regardless of whether the guy has underlying MH problems.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/02/2019 13:23

I believe he is staying with another friend for a week ...

At least it's good news if he has somewhere else to go, though they must be mad to take him in - and don't be surprised if, come tomorrow, the friend has "a crisis" and suddenly can't help

Agreeing that it's "not your responsibility" is all very well, but it's a bit disappointing that it's taken your DH until now to see this for what it is (and that's if he really has seen it, considering that only last week he suggested the stay being extended)

Anyway, good luck tomorrow Flowers

GrassWasGreener · 11/02/2019 13:34

OP, I would of left him there. You are not his mother.

If DH insisted I please wake the fool, I would not of been nice about it, cold wet flannel to the face maybe.

I may even of gone for a short walk and had my phone on silent or something.

If it was the first time, or the odd day yeah sure help the lad out, sometimes people sleep in and need a reminder to get up but just seems like a bum to me relying on others.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/02/2019 14:44

I would have woken him up.

I just wouldn't want him lying about the house, even if he was in a room where I couldn't see or hear him.

TomVeiga · 11/02/2019 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 11/02/2019 20:26

Jesus!! Stop being petty.
Wake the man up. If he’s been homeless and living on the street you become accustomed to the noise.
The man is working and earning money. Help the guy out.
Yes, he’s an adult and should be able to do it himself...but god, stop being petty!

IvanaPee · 11/02/2019 20:30

Why don’t people RTFT? It was two bloody days ago!

Didntwanttochangemyname · 11/02/2019 20:32

Honestly, the number of people who don't rtft!

Good luck tomorrow OP

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 11/02/2019 20:35

I know IvanaPee, reading comprehension skills doesn't seem to be a strong point for a scary amount of MNetters.

Leeds2 · 11/02/2019 20:51

Make sure you get your key back off him before he goes!

MrsJane · 11/02/2019 21:04

Thanks for updating Op! Yes, please let us know that he actually leaves tomorrow. I'm worried he's going to pull a sob story to stay... 😬

TheFirstRuleOfFightClub · 11/02/2019 21:20

Omg, would you RTFT before posting ffs!

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