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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wake DH's friend up?

236 replies

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 07:49

Some people may remember my previous thread, DH's friend staying with us for two weeks as he's homeless, he'll be leaving on Tuesday.

He manages to sleep through his alarms, three have gone off this morning and he's still not up.
DH left early for a day out with mates this morning and has been waking him up everyday since he's stayed here, which i have outright refused to do.

So DH's friend has some overtime with another friend today, and he'll be taking the other friend there. The other friend can't get there without DH's friend who is staying with us as he can't drive. So if DH's friend doesn't get up, the other friend won't be able to work today.

DH asked if i would wake his friend up but i refused, which he was completely fine with and agrees it's not my responsibility.

But now the other friend has messaged me asking if i can please get him up because they need to leave!!

AIBU to say no or just ignore the message?

He's an adult and needs to learn the consequences of not getting up for work surely? But other friend won't be able to work today if I don't, and he's also expecting a baby so I feel bad if I don't because it's not his fault this lazy fucker can't get out of bed. Angry

And he'll be leaving on Tuesday regardless of whether he has any money if anyone's wondering Grin

OP posts:
Oldraver · 10/02/2019 19:05

This man is not depressed....he stays up late smoking weed. That's the only reason he cant get his sorry ass out of bed and the reason his mother kicked him out

schadenfreudepersonified · 10/02/2019 19:05

I remember your thread, You were warned almost unanimously by the nest of vipers which is MN (me included) not to let the bugger across your door . . .

Wake the lazy bugger up - get him out of the house. Put ice cubes down his neck if necessary. Do not feed him/ make him tea. Let him know that he is a dog in your manger.

Make sure he leaves on the designated date.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/02/2019 19:10

Tbh OP I'd sling him out now. He has no respect for other people, no respect for the fact youve helped him out while pregnant and preparing for a baby so why should you carry on?

He sounds like a selfish little boy who's waiting for someone else to fix his problems for him. Chuck him out

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 10/02/2019 19:33

Good luck Tuesday Grin will it be an air horn at 6am and marching orders? I bet you can get one on Amazon prime by tomorrow Wink

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2019 19:44

OP you said on your last thread that he'd be chucked out earlier if he "wasted his money" and, predictably, you now say he's not been saving his wages as agreed ... so why's he still there, being enabled to risk yet another job?

And why are you so emphatic that he'll be leaving soon, when your DH has already suggested he might stay a bit longer and you know he doesn't have the money to secure a house share or whatever?

Come to that, why have you allowed him to live with you at all? Are you really happy to bring your new bay home to a place where weed's being smoked? Hmm

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2019 19:50

Baby, not bay ... obviously!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/02/2019 19:55

Are you really happy to bring your new bay home to a place where weed's being smoked?

You - a pregnant woman - shouldn't be in a place where wee is being smoked.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/02/2019 20:10

I think the OP did a kind thing by taking her DH's BFF in, but also a wise one. She has proved to her DH that the friend has no intention of sorting himself out, by giving him the chance to do so (which he has squandered).

OP, you've played this right so far. Looking forward to your update on Tuesday.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2019 20:22

You - a pregnant woman - shouldn't be in a place where wee is being smoked

You're quite right, Schadenfreude, and I should have thought of that

She has proved to her DH that the friend has no intention of sorting himself out

It'd be nice to think so, but given the DH's suggestion of the stay being extended I wouldn't be too confident, frankly

Lweji · 10/02/2019 20:34

I'll happily take bets about him leaving on Tuesday, it's 100% happening

Sure...

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 10/02/2019 20:34

don't deprive two men of their wages.
She isn't. He is, by being a lazy fuckwit.

be kind, he's leaving Tuesday
I just don't get this. The OP has been INCREDIBLY kind to let this fucking wastebag crash free at her house. Why should she have to be a doormat?

Seriously, OP, I'd yell "Wake the fuck up and get the fuck out of bed now!" then have left it. He's a useless piece of doss. Get rid.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2019 20:52

How old is this "man"?

On the previous thread, OP said he's 22

Dottierichardson · 10/02/2019 21:01

Actually I feel sorry for the guy, this type of deep sleeping can actually be a genetic trait and nothing to do with depression, laziness or other. In addition not waking him is a bit self-defeating, he'll wake up later in the day and be hanging around the house and then be up all night which I personally would find more disruptive than getting him up and out.

Pinkbells · 10/02/2019 21:08

I don't understand what the problem is, just wake him up. You could have done that already in the time it took you to write this post, and he'll be out of your hair soon anyway. Hmm

Squigglesworth · 10/02/2019 21:10

If requested to wake him again, I might start with a glass of water to the face, just for the satisfaction of it...

Has he tried putting his alarm clock (phone?) across the room so that he has to physically get up to shut it off? I'm guessing that wouldn't work for him, for some pathetic excuse of a reason.

The fact that he stays up stupidly late (despite knowing he has problems waking at a reasonable hour) and is a stoner erase any sympathy I might've had for the guy. He sounds like a loser, honestly, partner's "best friend" or not.

Sleepsoon7 · 10/02/2019 21:13

Just a bit bemused about how he’s smoking wee...

WaddesdonWanderer · 10/02/2019 21:19

Does he smoke weed in your house OP? You really shouldn’t be around that.

thenightsky · 10/02/2019 21:27

Not RTFT, but DH used to house share with a bloke who couldn't get out of bed. Well he sort of woke up and got out, but would spend an hour sitting on the side of the bed in a half-coma, staring at his knees before rolling back down onto his pillow. DH relied on him for lift to work some days too. This bloke is now a professor and respected published academic. God knows how.

Dunno what that has to do with this thread, but it just reminded me of the frustration we all went through with him.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/02/2019 21:50

Dear God, to the posters who reckon he has some sort of illness etc - HE DOESN'T WAKE UP BECAUSE HE'S UP HALF THE NIGHT PLAYING ON HIS XBOX AND HAS A WEED HABIT!!!

Sorry for shouting but save your sympathy for the OP for being far too nice a person and having this man baby stay at hers for two weeks.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/02/2019 22:06

I would be incredibly pissed off to be stuck in the middle of one person texting and asking me to wake up the other. Why can't they come round and get the lazy arse to get up themselves?

But if I was in a better mood I would do it for the person needing this person's labour.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/02/2019 22:24

Just a bit bemused about how he’s smoking wee...

I know - I was just catching up and saw what I had posted . . .

I hope I haven't introduced a new (easily obtainable) drug onto the market . . .

. . . It could even be a gateway drug to . . . POO! Grin

RoboticSealpup · 10/02/2019 22:29

he'll be leaving on Tuesday regardless of whether he has any money

YAY! Well done for being firm on this. But please do update to tell us when he's out, just to be sure...

beefthief · 10/02/2019 23:21

Dear God, to the posters who reckon he has some sort of illness etc - HE DOESN'T WAKE UP BECAUSE HE'S UP HALF THE NIGHT PLAYING ON HIS XBOX AND HAS A WEED HABIT!!!

These are things that mentally ill people do, friend.

Lweji · 10/02/2019 23:37

These are things that mentally ill people do, friend.

Are you suggesting that all or most people who smoke weed and stay late playing games are mentally ill?

beefthief · 11/02/2019 00:27

No.

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