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AIBU?

To not wake DH's friend up?

236 replies

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 07:49

Some people may remember my previous thread, DH's friend staying with us for two weeks as he's homeless, he'll be leaving on Tuesday.

He manages to sleep through his alarms, three have gone off this morning and he's still not up.
DH left early for a day out with mates this morning and has been waking him up everyday since he's stayed here, which i have outright refused to do.

So DH's friend has some overtime with another friend today, and he'll be taking the other friend there. The other friend can't get there without DH's friend who is staying with us as he can't drive. So if DH's friend doesn't get up, the other friend won't be able to work today.

DH asked if i would wake his friend up but i refused, which he was completely fine with and agrees it's not my responsibility.

But now the other friend has messaged me asking if i can please get him up because they need to leave!!

AIBU to say no or just ignore the message?

He's an adult and needs to learn the consequences of not getting up for work surely? But other friend won't be able to work today if I don't, and he's also expecting a baby so I feel bad if I don't because it's not his fault this lazy fucker can't get out of bed.

And he'll be leaving on Tuesday regardless of whether he has any money if anyone's wondering

OP posts:

Report

Juells · 09/02/2019 10:34

HRTFT but FFS I remember the last thread, where just about every single poster advised the OP that letting this waste-of-space stay would end up with situations like this.

The OP doesn't take advice so why is anyone offering it?

Signed

Grumpy

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 10:37

@Holidayshopping another friend's house I believe, he doesn't have enough money for a house share now. But quite frankly I don't care, we've done our bit for two weeks, not doing any more than that.

I'll happily take bets about him leaving on Tuesday, it's 100% happening

OP posts:

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 10:40

Yes he has a car, also a TV and xbox, sensible thing would be to at least sell the TV and xbox! And he doesn't need a car for work, he can have his colleagues take him to jobs!

OP posts:

Omzlas · 09/02/2019 10:43

I wouldn't have woken him up, regardless of who asked me to. I'd have replied with "he's a grown up, an adult, he needs to sort this out himself". Rinse and repeat.

There are clearly reasons why he's ended up where and how he is and it isn't your job (or anyone else's) to make sure he's awake for work, it's part and parcel of being an adult.

RUOKHUN · 09/02/2019 10:44

Sounds like me when I was depressed and by the sounds of it he has things to be depressed about.

Holidayshopping · 09/02/2019 10:46

And he doesn't need a car for work, he can have his colleagues take him to jobs!

I thought your post said another friend (B) was ringing you trying to get lazy homeless friend (A) up so he could drive B to work? If homeless friend can getcolelagea to drive him, why was B ringing?

I don’t really see the purpose of these 2 weeks with you. He hasn’t saved anything by the sounds of it.

Charley50 · 09/02/2019 10:48

Can't be arsed to read all the thread, but why wouldn't you wake him up?

Juells · 09/02/2019 10:49

I don’t really see the purpose of these 2 weeks with you. He hasn’t saved anything by the sounds of it.

Like everyone predicted, in the previous thread.

LipstickTaserrr · 09/02/2019 11:09

Honestly OP you would have completely different replies if you had linked the last thread.

Your heavily pregnant and he's a lazy drug addict man child.

Where will he go on Tuesday with no money after he's exhausted all options by doing the same lazy routine with anyone else.

Waveysnail · 09/02/2019 11:12

You could have fun with this op - evil ways to wake him mwhahaha

IvanaPee · 09/02/2019 11:20

I think your DH is out of order even asking you to have a drug addict on your sofa for two weeks.

I really, really think you need to prepare for a battle on Tuesday. Your DH is an enabler.

Frankly, he shouldn’t be going on lads’ days out leaving his heavily pregnant and ill wife with a drug addict to take care!

He wanted him there, friend is his problem.

I mean this kindly; are you a bit of a pushover? Sometimes it can be really hard to stand up to people.

BigChocFrenzy · 09/02/2019 11:32

As long as you enable him, he'll continue like this.

Do NOT get him up again - but text that mate that you won't do so, so he can make other arrangements to get to work himself

Tell your DH that if he wants his mate to get up, he has to physically get him up and his bedthings cleared away from the sofa
If your DH is delayed doing this, instead of it being your time & effort wasted, he'd take it more seriously

Weezol · 09/02/2019 11:33

I imagine he sleeps through his alarms as he's always had the security of knowing someone else will wake him.

Agreed. I was very much against having him in the house on the last thread. He would be leaving today for me - he's not stuck to the agreement made (gosh, how surprising) so off he trots.

Where to is not your problem. He has a car, he can sleep in that (Spoiler Alert He won't need to, he'll just blag a bed out of some other sucker).

Juells · 09/02/2019 12:48

he's not stuck to the agreement made (gosh, how surprising)

...and you know that if the OP went into labour tonight and was rushed into hospital she'd return with new baby to find that big lump still occupying the sofa until mid-day every day.

contrary13 · 09/02/2019 13:06

SpanielEars - my daughter has a PD, and sleep aponea... yet she manages to get up in time to go to work and be on time (not to mention, showered, dressed, make up done, too).

OP - are you sure that this "friend" has been honest about having gone to the GP and been tested to see why he's like this? It's absolutely not your problem until... like today... it suddenly is. If I were you, I'd be asking your DP to talk to his friend and encourage him to have himself tested for sleep aponea. It might be that he's not falling into the deep sleep we all need to be able to avoid sleep deprivation (something which you'll know about once your baby's here, most likely!). It might be that he's lying awake until 0300, worrying about where he's going to be sleeping after Tuesday - particularly if your DP's already asked if he can stay for a few days extra.

No, it's absolutely not your responsibility to wake him. Ever. Like others, I'd also be loathe to wake a man who wasn't my partner or child. But you could be a little sympathetic. Because once your baby's born... you and your DP might find out first hand what being awake until the early hours and then only getting a few hours of sleep, before being expected to function as a rational adult, too.

Also... don't tip water into ears. It can cause serious problems. And is actually classed as assault by the police. One of my daughter's friends did this to her boyfriend when he wouldn't get up... and was arrested/charged for it.

Sarahjconnor · 10/02/2019 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/02/2019 17:54

What you need, my friend, is a whistle...

Relightmyfire2017 · 10/02/2019 17:58

Hammer on the door like a raving banshee 😂😂😂😂 that should get him up!

jade19 · 10/02/2019 18:15

I would just wake him! Although your right about not getting him up because he is an adult, you will be the only person in the end that looks childish.
Wake him up and make it clear that HE has to.get himself up and sorted for work x

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 18:17

The only thing unreasonable is the fact that you allowed this waste of space into your home. I'd have thrown your partner out with him before I let him cross the threshold. He's a useless piece of shit, you knew that before he came and I'd wager my last penny that he won't leave on Tuesday. Your 'partner' is also a grade A arsehole for fucking off and leaving you with his waster mate when he knew damn well the guy will never look after himself.

Your next thread will be about how you have a newborn and this douchebag still loafing on your settee in your lounge.

dragonsfire · 10/02/2019 18:38

Well done OP you have done the right thing you gave him a chance, he has squandered it so you can wipe your hands knowing you have done what you could to help.

OJZJ · 10/02/2019 18:50

How old is this "man"?

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sunshine11 · 10/02/2019 18:55

Have any of you consideeed he might be depressed (homeless, without partner, now without job). If you have ever been seriously depressed then you’ll know how hard getting out of bed can be.

I’d cut him some slack.

Juells · 10/02/2019 19:01

Have any of you consideeed he might be depressed (homeless, without partner, now without job). If you have ever been seriously depressed then you’ll know how hard getting out of bed can be.

I've considered the fact that he made his mother's life so difficult she threw him out, and is now doing the same thing to everyone cuts him some slack.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a lazy CF is just a lazy CF.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 19:02

Oh, yeah, he's depressed, probably autistic, probably has PTSD.

Read her other thread.

He has lazyitis and weeditis. He's been cut slack his whole life, that's why even his mother felt compelled to finally throw him out at the age of 29.

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