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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wake DH's friend up?

236 replies

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 07:49

Some people may remember my previous thread, DH's friend staying with us for two weeks as he's homeless, he'll be leaving on Tuesday.

He manages to sleep through his alarms, three have gone off this morning and he's still not up.
DH left early for a day out with mates this morning and has been waking him up everyday since he's stayed here, which i have outright refused to do.

So DH's friend has some overtime with another friend today, and he'll be taking the other friend there. The other friend can't get there without DH's friend who is staying with us as he can't drive. So if DH's friend doesn't get up, the other friend won't be able to work today.

DH asked if i would wake his friend up but i refused, which he was completely fine with and agrees it's not my responsibility.

But now the other friend has messaged me asking if i can please get him up because they need to leave!!

AIBU to say no or just ignore the message?

He's an adult and needs to learn the consequences of not getting up for work surely? But other friend won't be able to work today if I don't, and he's also expecting a baby so I feel bad if I don't because it's not his fault this lazy fucker can't get out of bed. Angry

And he'll be leaving on Tuesday regardless of whether he has any money if anyone's wondering Grin

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/02/2019 09:25

I'd have tipped a jug of water on him the second time. Might have managed to be polite the first time, but it would have been water after that.
Or an airhorn, if you have one.
I absolutely agree that you shouldn't have had to do what you did - nor should anyone - but I'm glad you did for the other friend's sake. However, the other friend should also have made alternative arrangements, knowing how utterly flaky this one is.

Absolutely he has to leave on Tuesday - what a ridiculous man he is, to get into this situation every single morning!

SpanielEars070 · 09/02/2019 09:27

He's probably got depression OP, borderline personality disorder and had a bad childhood.

I thought I'd be the first to trot those gems out as they appear on most MN threads Grin

Saucepan and wooden spoon OP next time. Guaranteed to wake the deepest sleeper, especially when banged together 1" from their head.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 09/02/2019 09:29

I'd be booting him today as well. The deal was that he was supposed to be self-sufficient. Well, that's not happening is it?

I suspect that any questioning about his plans in 3 days' time will be met with vague responses. What's the betting that on Tuesday he suddenly comes up with some kind of crisis that means he can't move out?

cheesydoesit · 09/02/2019 09:29

People like the don't slip through the cracks and end up on the street because they are good at guilt tripping people into helping them out, usually to their own detriment.

thecatsarecrazy · 09/02/2019 09:31

I have to wake my dh every morning. He ebe9 set an alarm on his phone where you have to answer a maths question to turn it off. He does that then goes back to sleep

thecatsarecrazy · 09/02/2019 09:32

Even*

diddl · 09/02/2019 09:33

"I have to wake my dh every morning. He ebe9 set an alarm on his phone where you have to answer a maths question to turn it off. He does that then goes back to sleep"

Surely he's choosing to go back to sleep & rely on you & you're letting him?

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 09/02/2019 09:35

You can see why his mum wouldn't even let him stay in her she'd, can't you?

Userplusnumbers · 09/02/2019 09:36

I have to wake my dh every morning. He ebe9 set an alarm on his phone where you have to answer a maths question to turn it off. He does that then goes back to sleep

No - you choose to enable your DH going back to sleep y waking him every morning, just like the person staying with OP had his mum do, then OPs DH.

OP, I think it was v generous of you to wake him. I wouldn't have bothered, that dude needs to grow up.

Onceuponacheesecake · 09/02/2019 09:37

I imagine he sleeps through his alarms as he's always had the security of knowing someone else will wake him. I know I did as a teenager. He needs to grow up.

SamanthaBrique · 09/02/2019 09:38

YANBU at all OP and I'm rather taken aback at the posters who think you are. Do they just live their lives to enable shitty behaviour by men?

This is his problem to sort out and quite frankly the other friend is BU too. He knows what his mate is like so maybe he should organise alternative transport.

Alternatively you could get one of those sirens they use at football matches...

VanillaSauce · 09/02/2019 09:40

It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with him it's just lazyitus. Who would want to get up at 7am after staying up 1-2am kipping at a mates scot free.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/02/2019 09:48

I recommend a wet sponge.

Adults who 'can't' wake up are a PITA.

What they need is an old fashioned mechanical alarm clock - so much louder than phone/battery clocks - and put it on the other side of the room so that they have to get out of bed to turn it off.
Anything else right by the bed is just too easy to switch off while still half asleep.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/02/2019 09:50

Yes that would totally annoy me. In the absence of a medical condition he is just an arse who likes to opt out of adult behaviour and lets everyone else baby him.

^This.

I'm astonished at the number of posters who think the OP should be this fully grown adult's surrogate mother because the arse can't get himself out of bed even after being woken up.

How on earth does this idiot hold down a job when he doesn't have someone to baby him?

Either he has a health issue and needs to see a doctor or he needs to sort his alarms out.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 09/02/2019 09:52

Saucepan and wooden spoon OP next time. Guaranteed to wake the deepest sleeper, especially when banged together 1" from their head.

False! I happen to have a video of me doing this to DS2 (aged 3) and him slumbering through it. We were slightly concerned thst he was in a coma but he did wake up eventually Grin

Seriously op, you've said this guy doesn't wake up unless physically shaken by your DH. So they all expected you, a heavily pregnant woman who doesn't know him that well, go into his bedroom and physically manhandle him awake? I'd have been bloody furious at their presumptiveness. It would have been thrash metal from me (not a soaking as they'd probably made you change the sheets afterwards)...

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 09/02/2019 09:54

Now more information has come out I can understand why op made the thread.

I worked with a guy who was like this. He was early 30s and we worked on a project where we'd spend a day or 2 a week at a different office across the country. He'd constantly be late for breakfast at the hotel in the morning but would then decide as it was too late he wouldn't have any breakfast as to not hold us back.

It was usually because he'd go to bed for an hour or 2 after work as he was so tired then stay up half the night watching movies.

It was a shame as there was some aspects of the job that he was great at and I could have used him again for more projects but he annoyed me so much with his attitude towards getting to work on time that he missed out.

Oldraver · 09/02/2019 09:54

Is this the stoner mate ? the one you wouldn't let smoke weed in the house ?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 09/02/2019 10:02

I would be wondering if he was taking any drugs (other than the cannabis I think I remember you posted about in your other thread?)

Missingstreetlife · 09/02/2019 10:15

I wondered about drinking, but weed and staying up late explain it. That's his problem.
Did he get up? Bucket of cold water now if not, and every day till he's gone.

zebakrheum · 09/02/2019 10:19

If you have to do it again, then a half a glass of ice-cold water in the face accompanied by "GET UP YOU LAZY BASTARD!!!" might do the trick.

Tentomidnight · 09/02/2019 10:26

I’ll bet you £10 he doesn’t leave on Tuesday.

JenniferJareau · 09/02/2019 10:27

Agree, no way he leaves on Tuesday

Modestandatinybitsexy · 09/02/2019 10:29

If I was waking him like a child then he would also have a bedtime like a child. I couldn't believe that he stays up so late. He must know this is the cause. Turn off the fuse box when you go to bed.

Holidayshopping · 09/02/2019 10:33

I didn’t think this would end well. So he’s homeless but has a car? Where is he leaving and going on Tuesday?

He sounds like a bloody nightmare.

Gramgram · 09/02/2019 10:34

Well done for waking him. You deserve Flowers.