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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wake DH's friend up?

236 replies

Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 07:49

Some people may remember my previous thread, DH's friend staying with us for two weeks as he's homeless, he'll be leaving on Tuesday.

He manages to sleep through his alarms, three have gone off this morning and he's still not up.
DH left early for a day out with mates this morning and has been waking him up everyday since he's stayed here, which i have outright refused to do.

So DH's friend has some overtime with another friend today, and he'll be taking the other friend there. The other friend can't get there without DH's friend who is staying with us as he can't drive. So if DH's friend doesn't get up, the other friend won't be able to work today.

DH asked if i would wake his friend up but i refused, which he was completely fine with and agrees it's not my responsibility.

But now the other friend has messaged me asking if i can please get him up because they need to leave!!

AIBU to say no or just ignore the message?

He's an adult and needs to learn the consequences of not getting up for work surely? But other friend won't be able to work today if I don't, and he's also expecting a baby so I feel bad if I don't because it's not his fault this lazy fucker can't get out of bed. Angry

And he'll be leaving on Tuesday regardless of whether he has any money if anyone's wondering Grin

OP posts:
NCjustforthisthread · 09/02/2019 08:43
Confused
llangennith · 09/02/2019 08:45

Whatever the reason for his excessive heavy sleeping it is not the OP's responsibility. Make sure he leaves by Tuesday and don't let this type of imposition happen again.

ImaginaryCat · 09/02/2019 08:47

What time does he go to bed? My DP has this, he oversleeps often, even if he set an alarm, but it's because he's trying to live like a teenager still, sitting up watching films until stupid o'clock. So nothing medically wrong aside from being a pillock.
And for the record I also refuse to wake him. I'm not his mother, and I've told him if I do it once he'll start to expect it. So if he oversleeps and gets a bollocking at work, that's on him. It's called being a grown up.

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 08:51

@ImaginaryCat usually 1/2am!! Also due to watching films or playing video games! So agree it's his fault. Me and DH go to bed at 9/10! Grin

OP posts:
ResistanceIsNecessary · 09/02/2019 08:53

You were warned on your previous thread.

He's a man child who is being constantly cushioned and protected from the consequences of his own laziness.

Yes, I'd feel bad if the other guy missed out on a day's work. But the consequences of that are a lesson for this feckless idiot, that the responsibility rests with HIM. He can't expect other people to constantly weigh in and rescue him. He'll never change and never learn as long as he knows that there's someone hovering in the background to make sure that the shit doesn't hit the fan.

peridito · 09/02/2019 08:54

Is he awake yet ?

WeeDangerousSpike · 09/02/2019 08:57

Am I the only one disappointed that he didnt get a soaking? BlushGrin

If your DH has any more early mornings before he leaves I think I'd insist on him waking him regardless of how early it is.

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 08:58

@WeeDangerousSpike he was actually woken by DH as DH left at half 6!! And he said he'd definitely be up when he's supposed to be!

OP posts:
jarhead123 · 09/02/2019 09:01

I can see why you're annoyed but it's not your place to be tbh - just wake him up and move on lol

peridito · 09/02/2019 09:01

He was woken by DH and then went back to sleep ?

My dad always claimed that his method of waking oversleepers was water in the ear .Might avoid soaking the bed I suppose ,but an ear isn't always obvious on a sleeping person is it ?

WeeDangerousSpike · 09/02/2019 09:06

So he was awake and instead of getting up he went back to sleep, despite being fully aware that he wouldn't wake up?! Complete knob.

Id soak him now even though he's awake.

Aridane · 09/02/2019 09:07

I really wouldn’t want to go and physically shake a sleeping man who wasn’t my DP/DC to be honest. It’s quite an intimate thing to do and you don’t even know what state of dress/undress they’d be in

Yes, you might get a touch of the vapours

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 09/02/2019 09:08

Why would you NOT wake him up? Confused

Sounds petty and spiteful not to.

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 09:09

@jarhead123 why is not my place to be annoyed? I don't expect to wake an adult up several times for HIS benefit, whilst he's staying in my house as a guest. And I'd be mortified if someone had to do that for me.

@peridito yeah DH woke him up at half 6, must have fallen back asleep although several alarms went off in between me waking him up twice! So it took him 2 hours to get up after he was originally woken Hmm

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 09/02/2019 09:10

he was meant to pick the other friend up at 8 who lives 20 mins away!

So that poor guy will be in trouble too! What a jerk!! And its all his own fault because he doesnt go to bed at a sensible time. Gah! I have NO time for arseholes like this. Thank goodness he is going soon.

Lovemusic33 · 09/02/2019 09:11

I would wake him up.

If he doesn’t work then your likely to be stuck with him for longer, he obviously needs the money to pay for somewhere to live. If you don’t wake him you will be stuck with him all day?

Original poster
Greywalls12 · 09/02/2019 09:15

@Lovemusic33 i did wake him, rtft

OP posts:
Variousartists · 09/02/2019 09:16

Has he gone now?

IJustLostTheGame · 09/02/2019 09:16

Put headphones on him and blast him with thrash metal at full volume.

cheesydoesit · 09/02/2019 09:17

OP says he hasn't managed to save anything so far and he doesn't get paid again until Friday so I doubt he has any money prepared for his next digs. So fucking what anyway? It's absolutely not OP's responsibility to sort this shit show out. If he has nothing in place by Tuesday then tough, it will do him good to face the brunt of his decisions.

IndieTara · 09/02/2019 09:18

Fair enough if it was just him but you’re taking away another persons overtime wa

^^
@BifsWif OP is not taking away anyone's overtime!

EvaHarknessRose · 09/02/2019 09:19

Why three more days if he is not helping out as was the deal? I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that actions have consequences and by being a burden he has done himself out of a roof over his head.

Mummytumm · 09/02/2019 09:20

I feel sorry for you OP for the flack you've been getting on here, calling you petty etc.

It's absolutely NOT your responsibility to wake up a grown man. More fool the other person for relying on a known waster to pick them up for work!

Don't let it get to you. And I'd be telling him he's outstayed his welcome and he is to leave TODAY.

cheesydoesit · 09/02/2019 09:21

While I do have sympathy for the co-worker relying on dick face giving him a lift, that's not OP's circus. I should imagine 'friend' is notoriously unreliable what with his inability to get up and his co-workers will know this and should make alternative arrangements.

dudsville · 09/02/2019 09:22

Wow, you've been incredibly generous and patient op. And this prize of a human being is lucky to have some very good friends in your oh and his work buddy. It's easy to see how he can/might fall through the cracks and end up on the streets so I'm tirn as to whether I'd have woken him. On the one hand there's all the very relevant adult stuff, on the other i'd be thinking he needs an old fashioned intervention to try to help him keep a foothold in society!