Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Partner of 8 years being invited to family wedding without me...

308 replies

BettyR03 · 08/02/2019 22:19

My partner and I received a save the date about a year ago, for their cousins wedding, whom we both have a good relationship with, it’s not a close one, but when we do see each other we all get along really well. Well the invitation for said wedding have just arrived... but only for my partner to attend during the day, and for me to join in the evening... the location is a good couple of hours away so it will mean travelling and turning up by myself. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit upset to not be invited? We’re not married but have been together for 8 years and have kids together. My partner can’t see why I’m upset/annoyed by this, and just keeps calling me immature and self centred for being a bit irked by it.
Any advice would be great. Thanks x

OP posts:
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 08/02/2019 22:36

I don't understand why your DP can't see what a blatant snub this is. It's really insulting.

Neither DH or I would attend a wedding where the other wasn't welcome. No way would I go to the evening do in your position, OP and i'd be quite hurt that your DP is going.

RandomMess · 08/02/2019 22:37

I think it would depend just how small the daytime event is versus how big the family is.

I have 20 (first) cousins...

CherryPavlova · 08/02/2019 22:38

It’s incredibly bad form. One thing if you are a girlfriend of three months standing but after eight years you are impost definitely part of a couple that makes a whole.
I’d not be going to the evening and I’d be very cross if my husband/partner went without me.

Urgh2019 · 08/02/2019 22:40

I think evening only invites which involve travel/hotels are rude anyway and wouldn’t go on that basis.

macmacaroon · 08/02/2019 22:41

I'd be hurt and wouldn't go. Are they very short of cash and hence why numbers are tight. ? I was once the only person in a group of friends not to be invited to a wedding despite having invited said person to my wedding. They were entitled to invite who they wanted but excluding one person (me) I found extremely hurtful. All said friends were even saying to me "see you next weekend (at wedding)" assuming I'd be there. I burst into tears on the way home. Also, I've been to evening dos for other friends and have never enjoyed it. Just felt like one of a handful of leftover people and everyone had bonded during the day so felt left out and awkward

Gardai · 08/02/2019 22:41

I think that’s incredibly rude of your partner. Is he normally so inconsiderate ?
I wouldn’t go.

Jb291 · 08/02/2019 22:43

Yes it's appallingly rude of them and I would refuse to attend at all and would not be sending either a card if gift. Your partner can go to the day if he really wants to but on the understanding that if he does so then he will be in the doghouse. His reaction is utterly unacceptable,

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 08/02/2019 22:44

I would be very hurt by this. I would LTB. His attitude stinks at your not being included as part of the family.

Peppapig254 · 08/02/2019 22:45

Its not very nice of them to do that, especially if its 2 hours away. I would be more concerned of your partners attitude. Does he always talk to you like that?

Doublechocolatetiffin · 08/02/2019 22:46

To be honest I think it’s rude to ask people to travel that far and only invite them to the evening anyway. Its doubly rude to invite your partner to day and not you. I would be v irritated by this and definitely wouldn’t be attending.

Absofuckinglutely · 08/02/2019 22:47

Total insult, and what's worse if your DP's reaction. That just takes the biscuit. You should forward him this thread, I hope he reads it and takes a good look at himself. I hope he doesn't usually treat you so badly, you are definitely not being unreasonable, and he is being an utter cock.

Awrite · 08/02/2019 22:48

Your dp's reaction is worse than the evening invitation. You should be angry with him, not the other way round. Don't fall for it.

Original poster
BettyR03 · 08/02/2019 22:50

I would completely understand if it was a money issue, however they are very well off, and the parents of the bride and groom are paying for everything (open bar, castle location, etc.)
My partner can be very stubborn when it comes to his family and we often butt heads on family matters, normally where I don’t agree with something and he will disagree with me about it “as it’s easier to agree with me about something than it is to disagree with his family”. I’ve grown used to this, however in this instance I would have thought he would have seen my perspective. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
bananasandwicheseveryday · 08/02/2019 22:50

I am another who does not understand why people do this. I wouldn't dream of splitting a well established couple in this way. If I couldn't afford to invite them both to the whole day, then I wouldn't invite either. I would be very hurt if my Dh accepted an invitation to a family wedding to which I was not invited. I would begin to question the strength of our relationship.

RandomMess · 08/02/2019 22:53

Geez he sounds spineless, easier to upset you than his family..,

itssoooofluffy · 08/02/2019 22:54

It depends, if it is a small wedding and they have lots of cousins and had to choose between inviting partners or having to leave out some cousins/close friends, then I don’t think they were being unreasonable. Your partner however is being very unreasonable for not understanding why you are hurt!

DonkeyAtemyHomework · 08/02/2019 22:57

He can go, I wouldn't.

SpanielEars070 · 08/02/2019 22:57

If you have DC together, that's really shitty not to include you.

As for your DP, he's just as rude. DH wouldn't go without me, and I wouldn't go without him if it was a family wedding. We wouldn't even discuss it, we'd know what the other would say.

MatildaTheCat · 08/02/2019 22:57

You know what, you have separate invitations so you can decide separately whether to accept or decline. In your position I would decline. It’s not practical to make the journey and find childcare for the evening.

And yes, it’s weird and insulting to treat you as an evening add on.

Your DP can do what he likes. I’m guessing he wouldn’t like this situation in reverse?

anotherwearytraveller · 08/02/2019 22:57

Sod the cousins and I’d be hurt and not go either but your partner is your issue

He should have your back here and certainly not be nasty to you.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 08/02/2019 22:57

I'd be incredibly hurt, and in your shoes would find it impossible to take it any way other than "they prefer him to me". There's no way I'd go.

Urgh2019 · 08/02/2019 22:58

If it’s a small wedding (which it doesn’t sound like it is) or limited numbers. Then don’t invite people and say ‘it’s limited numbers’ etc.
Not hard.

Ethel80 · 08/02/2019 22:59

There is absolutely no fucking way I'd be going to the evening do for a start.

I'd be really upset about the reaction of your partner and even if they decided to go to the wedding alone, I'd still want them to see my perspective.

Ginseng1 · 08/02/2019 23:02

Your reaction is normal your Oh attitude & reaction is totally unreasonable. If that happened to either me or Dh neither would go. And there have been couple of cousins weddings I went with my mum or family without dh cos didn't have babysitters BUT least he always invited. How rude!

LoniceraJaponica · 08/02/2019 23:03

"To which my partner was very unsupportive and mean, cue calling me selfish and immature as I’m trying to cause a scene by not attending at all."

No, it's your partner who is selfish, emotionally immature and completely lacking in empathy and social awareness. I would let him go on his own. He can also organise the card and present.

Swipe left for the next trending thread