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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Partner of 8 years being invited to family wedding without me...

308 replies

BettyR03 · 08/02/2019 22:19

My partner and I received a save the date about a year ago, for their cousins wedding, whom we both have a good relationship with, it’s not a close one, but when we do see each other we all get along really well. Well the invitation for said wedding have just arrived... but only for my partner to attend during the day, and for me to join in the evening... the location is a good couple of hours away so it will mean travelling and turning up by myself. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit upset to not be invited? We’re not married but have been together for 8 years and have kids together. My partner can’t see why I’m upset/annoyed by this, and just keeps calling me immature and self centred for being a bit irked by it.
Any advice would be great. Thanks x

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 08/02/2019 22:20

I'd be hurt. I def wouldn't go to evening do.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/02/2019 22:20

Your partner is the problem here. He’s insulting you for having a normal reaction.

Heronymous · 08/02/2019 22:21

I think that’s really rude. I wouldn’t have dreamed of ditching one part of an established couple like that

Urgh2019 · 08/02/2019 22:21

I wouldn’t be going to any evening do whilst other half went to daytime. Rude.

Whisky2014 · 08/02/2019 22:22

And, and and it's highly unlikely all replies will be "attend" so if they say it's a numbers thing, I think that's a shit excuse. Not that it ask them, I just would go.

Ribbonsonabox · 08/02/2019 22:22

YANBU I'd be pretty cross and my husband would not attend at all. Really rude.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 08/02/2019 22:23

Send him alone. And he can sort a present out...
Would be cutting off from them.. Bloody awful.

Bishbashthrash · 08/02/2019 22:23

Are the kids invited to any of it?

CuriousMama · 08/02/2019 22:25

How bizarre. I agree with letting him go alone and sort gift.

Chickychoccyegg · 08/02/2019 22:26

your dp is an idiot if he can't see why you're annoyed about that, very rude of his cousin, no way would I go in the evening, surely they must realise how out of order that invitation is

Greensleeves · 08/02/2019 22:27

We would most certainly not be going. How bloody rude of them.

i have very little tolerance for people treating their family and friends like chess pieces just because "Their Day" Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 08/02/2019 22:27

Of course it's rude. And of course it's normal to be upset. What's not normal is your partners reaction.

AdaColeman · 08/02/2019 22:27

That's incredibly rude of them, I'd be livid. I wouldn't be going to the evening bash, and I'd be cutting them dead from now on.

Iloveacurry · 08/02/2019 22:28

Are the kids invited?

If it was me, I wouldn’t bother going in the evening.

Maelstrop · 08/02/2019 22:29

My DP wouldn’t go, he’d be fuming. That’s weird.

Princesspond · 08/02/2019 22:29

No that’s really rude. I wouldn’t attend. Something similar happened to us once, we’d been together longer than the couple getting married.

gamerchick · 08/02/2019 22:29

Well with me and husband, neither would attend.

But privately I would be thinking score to not having to go to a wedding.

Your husband's reaction I would be paying far more attention too. Name calling is a deal breaker with me for the vast majority of reasons.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/02/2019 22:31

Very rude. I wouldn’t go. And he’s bang out of order telling you YOU’RE being self centred. Does he usually speak to you like that?

Megan2018 · 08/02/2019 22:31

It happens when numbers are limited.
I went to a wedding of someone close to me and my brother. Neither of our spouses were invited to the church/reception but were invited to the evening do.

My DH dropped me there and came to the eve do-it was a good hour away from home. SIL couldn’t make it as too far.

I’d have preferred DH to come all day but understand they were restricted. It’s not worth getting upset about IMO.

Petalflowers · 08/02/2019 22:32

Unless there’s a restriction on numbers, then that’s a little rude. Or is it because they don’t want children at the wedding.

Awrite · 08/02/2019 22:32

I wouldn't go. Dh would probably be delighted to get out of going.

StoneofDestiny · 08/02/2019 22:33

Massively rude and insulting. They expect you to make 2 separate journeys at double the expense? No way would either of us go under these circumstances.

Original poster
BettyR03 · 08/02/2019 22:33

An email followed the invite specifying “due to numbers, I would not be able to attend, but they hoped I would still come in the evening”
I feel like I’ve been included as an after thought, to Be completely honest, which was very hurtful as always had a good relationship with the couple. I expressed this to my partner and said I’d rather just not come, and for him to go, as it saves trying to find a babysitter, as the kids have not been invited to any part of it, as it’s an “adult only wedding”. To which my partner was very unsupportive and mean, cue calling me selfish and immature as I’m trying to cause a scene by not attending at all.
I love my partner, but when it comes to his family, if I ever have a slight negative opinion about them or their actions he never attempts to see things from my perspective, but is happy to voice his negative opinions about my family on the regular.

OP posts:
gingerbread88 · 08/02/2019 22:34

I don't think you are being selfish or self cantered. It's odd and rude.
You have specified no back story and you get on perfectly fine.
Tbh if finance is an issue (and it usually is) then cousins and partners to evening do only would be more straight forward and save feelings of being snubbed and couples split for the day. You will probably find though that other cousins of theirs and partners are being treated the same way, I would hope it isn't only you being singled out.
Plus the factor in of the journey, I wouldn't go tbh, what a faff for you.
Your partner is also in the wrong for not seeing it from your point of view too.
I think your partner should decline the day invite and be breezy about it but just say you and him will come and celebrate with them in the evening together instead. That would be my expectation of him.
Poor you, try not to take it personal, people get so wrapped up in planning these things that often all sense and putting the shoe on the other foot and thinking how they are making people feel goes out of the window.

Samcro · 08/02/2019 22:36

my ds was invited to a cousins wedding, without his partner of 5 years. we thought it was due to numbers. yet all other cousins partners were there. thankfully ds had declined the invite and now will have nothing to do with cousin.
imo it was a massive slight and if I had known I wouldn't have gone.

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