Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking friend to return maternity clothes

739 replies

CakeCrumbs88 · 08/02/2019 16:36

Last year a good friend of mine was pregnant with her first DC, so I gave her a load of maternity clothes; the good pieces e.g. Isabella Olivier trousers, Seraphine dresses, a lovely woollen maternity coat, rather than my washed out Primark leggings with holes.

I’m now pregnant with DC3, and she with DC2. During one WhatsApp chat I said “let me know when would be good for me to pop in and collect my pregnancy clothes, can’t believe how soon I need them with number three!”

She responded “um, pretty taken aback you’d ask me that. I’m pregnant too and you gave them to me”

I’m stunned. Surely I’m NOT unreasonable??

By way of comparison, a friend of mine gave me load of her baby’s clothes and toys when I had DC1 but when she was pregnant with her DC2 at the same time as me, I arranged to return her belongings, even though of course I could have made use of them. It didn’t occur to me not to!

FWIW, I intend to insist, but would rather get some views first to try to understand where she is coming from.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 10/02/2019 08:26

These must be a couple of years old now and after 2 pregnancy you're probably due a new maternity wardrobe anway.

Most people can’t afford a new maternity wardrobe!

Itssosunny · 10/02/2019 08:53

If it was a loan the person who borrowed then would surely be worried about damaging them. I would never want to wear my friends clothes for 10 months anyway, I think that's strange to start with. 👍

SiblingDifference · 10/02/2019 09:20

I’d understand if she’d lost them or passed them on thinking you didn’t want them back, that’s a a risk. What’s not on is if she has them and refuses to give them back so she can use them

Tigger001 · 10/02/2019 09:55

Most people can’t afford a new maternity wardrobe

I do t understand why would you give/loan them to your friend then, why wouldn't you store in the loft where they are safe.
Anything could happen to them, she may have gone massive and stretched them, stained them by accident even the most careful and respectful of best friends have accidents

Whoops75 · 10/02/2019 10:11

I think she is being a bit unreasonable but I think there is a way to compromise.

Could you reply that you are happy for her to hold onto some of the clothes but would like the expensive pieces e.g. Isabella Olivier trousers, Seraphine dresses, a lovely woollen maternity coat.
These would be too expensive to replace and it’s crazt that she would be wearing them instead of you.

catkind · 10/02/2019 10:24

It would seem to me very dog in the manger to keep maternity (or baby) things sitting in the loft when a friend could be using them. A few things getting damaged/lost/stretched is par for the course. Or if she had actually passed them on herself not realising you'd need them. Actually sitting on stuff that was yours when you could use it again though is just mean, would anyone else here actually do that?

Tigger001 · 10/02/2019 11:38

Yes, the friend should definitely give them back now they have been requested and she doesn't say she won't. But in response to OP original post, I don't think she should be "stunned" if I were the friend I would probably say the same and find it really weird to be asked for them back as it wasn't stated it was a loan, she is also pregnant again.

If I couldn't afford new ones should I need them again, yes I would store them in my loft or I would say to my friend I need them back when you're done with them at the point of handing them over. I would then collect them after friends DC was born. Not leave her to store them for me to recall at a later date.

The interpretation of a gift would be strengthened by the fact she never requested them back after friends DC was born, so I don't think the friend us being unreasonable in stating this either. But yes, she should give them back and move on, they are only clothes.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 10/02/2019 11:43

Most people can’t afford a new maternity wardrobe

That’s very worrying if true considering how much children cost!

Lazypuppy · 10/02/2019 12:04

Most people can’t afford a new maternity wardrobe

Why? I bought 2 pairs of maternity jeans and didn't buy maternity tops until 7 months pregnant, i just bought slightly bggier tops and jumpers which i can still wear now. You don't need to buy a whole new wardrobe

onemorego2019 · 10/02/2019 12:14

@Lazypuppy depends on your job!

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 10/02/2019 12:14

Most people can’t afford a new maternity wardrobe

Also the clothes in question have already been worn through four pregnancies, probably for some of the postnatal recovery weeks and potentially whilst breastfeeding. They aren’t going to be in great condition by now! Maternity clothes usually take more of a hit as people have fewer wearable items in their wardrobe so wear the same pieces much more frequently than when they are not pregnant. As a result, these clothes will be really worn and tired now. One of my favourite Seraphine dresses only lasted one pregnancy so it’s not a given that the clothes will all even be wearable.

Lazypuppy · 10/02/2019 12:19

onemorego2019

In what way? i dress relatively smart and just wore my skirts under my bump with a baggier top, and on my more casual days i wore black maternity jeans.

The few maternity tops i bought were tshirts that cost about £5 each

KimchiLaLa · 10/02/2019 12:23

I've always wondered why anyone would spend money on maternity clothes from places like Seraphine (sp?!). All seems so unnecessary, when ASOS have much of what you need. I think the people who do it are very much the sort of "I'm the only pregnant woman in the world!" types. When I was pregnant I bought maternity bras and a few t - shirts from asos, a pair of jeans with a stretchy waistband, and a few dresses from topshop for work. Dresses now gifted to my mum, who is a bit bigger than me and likes empire line things so wears them with leggings underneath!

wireswireswires · 10/02/2019 12:25

I've always wondered why anyone would spend money on maternity clothes from places like Seraphine (sp?!). All seems so unnecessary, when ASOS have much of what you need. I think the people who do it are very much the sort of "I'm the only pregnant woman in the world!" types.

Or maybe they don't like cheap clothes made in questionable factories.

What a nasty comment!

lazymare · 10/02/2019 12:38

KimchiLala what a ridiculous comment.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/02/2019 12:43

I'm sorry but I agree that spending £££ on maternity clothes that you will only wear for a few weeks seems a little OTT. Unless you intend to have loads of children.

Jux · 10/02/2019 12:43

The only clothes I've not given back are baby clothes. Throughout my teens, twenties, even thirties, I've let friends wear clothes for occasions/times when they needed appropriate clothing for whatever time they need them, and then they've been returned.

Baby clothes are one thing, adult clothes very different.

user1471426142 · 10/02/2019 13:11

**I've always wondered why anyone would spend money on maternity clothes from places like Seraphine (sp?!). All seems so unnecessary, when ASOS have much of what you need. I think the people who do it are very much the sort of "I'm the only pregnant woman in the world!" types.

This sounds quite spiteful. People have different budgets. If you’re used to spending lots of money on work clothes, you’re unlikely to be getting by on £5 tops from new look. Lots of people will get one or two nicer bits for work and then supplement with cheaper bits for casual. Also some of the prices from seraphine are the same as the upper end on Asos so the above doesn’t even make sense.

Mmmmbrekkie · 10/02/2019 13:19

I've always wondered why anyone would spend money on maternity clothes from places like Seraphine (sp?!). All seems so unnecessary, when ASOS have much of what you need

The pure stupidity of this poster is fairly astonishing.

wireswireswires · 10/02/2019 13:58

I found the few nice pieces I had more than made up for the money spent. The cheaper stuff I had wore out and had to be replaced.

TurquoiseDress · 10/02/2019 14:45

I've always wondered why anyone would spend money on maternity clothes from places like Seraphine (sp?!). All seems so unnecessary, when ASOS have much of what you need. I think the people who do it are very much the sort of "I'm the only pregnant woman in the world!" types

You sound charming Grin

I bought a lot of maternity clothes because with my job I meet a lot of clients and despite being pregnant, I wanted to still look presentable and professional or work.

Plus I wanted to feel good too!

I could have got leggings and t-shirts 3 sizes to be big- but it made me look a total mess (I'm short & fairly petite build) and I would not have got away with that for work. Wearing clothes that were uncomfortable or oversized were just not what I wanted.

Yes those sorts of maternity brands don't come cheap, but the clothes are generally so well made- the cut and finish etc really make you feel comfortable, accommodating your bump plus you can look as smart for work as you would have previously.

Also, just one maternity dress would not have been enough (for me anyway), I wanted some choice about what to wear each day.

We all have different wants and budgets, and nobody has to buy maternity clothes. But for me, I found those clothes made me feel good too and during pregnancy you need all the positive things you can get!

As for your last sentence, you've clearly got some sort of chip on your shoulder- why should it bother you what another pregnant women is wearing? It's just a spiteful comment

Mixedupmummy · 10/02/2019 14:46

just another vote for yanbu op. I'm surprised that this view point is somewhat in the minority Confused

TurquoiseDress · 10/02/2019 14:49

Also, I wore maternity clothes for around 4 or 5 months of the pregnancy and at least a couple of months postpartum. There's even a few things I still wear now, several months down the line Smile

Decent maternity brands also made clothes to allow for easy access when breastfeeding, this was so handy!

Don't get me wrong- leggings & oversized t-shirts totally have their place during pregnancy, and I'd be in something like that at home. Work was a different story though!

Binkybix · 10/02/2019 14:52

so it’s not a given that the clothes will all even be wearable

OP’s friend clearly thinks they are if she plans to use them. Me and my friends passing stuff rounds mean they’ve been worn for many pregnancies. Most stuff lasted pretty well.

TurquoiseDress · 10/02/2019 14:54

Once we're done with our family (not yet ruled out DC3) I'll probably sell the decent stuff on local groups or ebay.

As for lending my maternity clothes out, this thread has certainly put me off somewhat!

However, I know with my circle of close friends we would not do what the OP's friend has done to her!