To think when you agree to meeting up with one person, you only agree to meeting up with one person?

[Prosaic]

I have a friend who I haven't seen for ages as she lives in a different town. She's going to be in town and we made plans to meet up tomorrow night. I get a message from her now saying 'Hope it's ok but I've invited X to come along too'. X is a friend we both know and who lives in my town but we've never hung out as a trio or anything and since I haven't seen this friend in a while I was really looking forward to catching up one-on-one. I don't know X that well either and so wouldn't feel comfortable talking about personal stuff in front of her. But she's already asked X along...so it's presented as a fait accompli and I can't really tell her to uninvite X.

AIBU to think you don't just invite a 3rd person along to a pre-arranged catchup? She will be seeing X separately anyway so it's not like she's in town for one night only and needs to catch up with everyone all at once! I have another friend who often does this - you think you've agreed to a nice catchup and then all these other people are invited along. Am I being overly precious?

On Monday I had plans. I was going to meet a friend for lunch at a local pub. Shortly before I was about to leave I receive a text message from her saying that she couldn’t make it there. Tell her this “I’m sorry but I have other plans too”.
My friend blew me off for no reason. So I made the most of it and took my partner out for a lovely hot chocolate at a new coffee shop whilst the childcare provider watched DS and DD.

I’ve had a few friends do this over the years. It’s fine when I was younger with lots of free time and keen to build social circles and network. But now I’ve got a busy family life, I don’t want to spend time with people who don’t interest me and it’s too busy already maintaining and balancing existing friendships.

The worst is wedding where they spilt couples on the tables. We’ve had that twice at weddings. I don’t want conversations and bloody “icebreaker” questions with people I’ve a) never met and b) will never see again.

Just back out by feigning illness if you don’t want to go.

All those people who are saying the friend is taking advantage of her limited time there and that the friend hasn't eeen her in a long time either "She will be seeing X separately anyway".

It is selfish and inconsiderate. If you think it is ok then please just ask the person already invited before you add to the numbers. If it's more the merrier they wont say no after all!

I genuinely don't see the problem. More the merrier.

Those saying “more the merrier” OO and her friend made a plan to meet up, its up to both of them whether they’ll invite more people

My friend invited me to a concert once, I showed up and there were 20000 other people there, it was incredibly rude, I left in a huff.

Fuck that! When I agree to meeting someone. That’s exactly what I’m doing, agreeing to meet that one person. I couldn’t care less if it might be fun or not. I’m not using my time and energy on a night out that might be fun. I want to use my time and energy on a night out that I know will be fun. Granted I’m getting on a bit and my opinions have changed greatly on what a good night constitutes. In my 20’s I’d go anywhere with anyone, get pissed and love it. These days not so much.

A 'friend' of mine wanted to pop over at Xmas. I had recently (days before she messaged) split up from my long term partner.

We agreed she could pop over, I guess it would have been nice for the company, and she knew about my split.

She rocked up with her new boyfriend and I refused to let them in. Hell no was I going to sit there and listen to her gush about her new BF

Never spoken to her since. No great loss 🤷‍♀️

If someone changes plans on me by inviting extra folk then I feel no guilt by flaking out.

I don't say why, as someone else said - cringe.

Go and meet them. You never know, you may really 'click' with the other person and make a new close friend.

This happens all the time. I think it's often rude, but not always. Depends slightly on how well you do know the other additional person.

Sometimes its hard to get out of inviting extras though - e.g. someone suggests a night out and they respond with 'i can't, i'm seeing x' then the person says 'oh i'd love to see x too, can i join' If they are also friends, its just not that easy to always say no without offending people, and to do so could create a bigger problem than was warranted.

That situation occurs constantly in my circle. usually but not always ends up being fine. Sometimes you even meet amazing new friends. Really!

Gemini then the op would be open to the Wendied accusation.....
Your cf has changed the dynamics of the meeting. Not on imo.

bloody “icebreaker” questions with people I’ve a) never met and b) will never see again.

I hate this sh*t in meetings and at the start of training days etc too. I dread it.

However I think it's bad-mannered bringing someone else along without checking with the person you're meeting. A colleague brought a friend along to a works meal out one time. This woman sat with a fcae like a melted wellie, ignored attempts to draw her into the conversation and smoked the whole bliddy night - right through the food. At the time I was too young and shy to say anything - if it happened today I 'd call her out on it.

I also get very annoyed when I'm meeting friends for coffee and one in particular turns up with her grand-daughter (aged 9 - now) in tow. If it's not an emergency, don't bring a child to an adult occasion. It's invariably because the kid just wants to come with Grandma and not stop with her mam and dad.

I agree that it's not always rude and sometimes why not

But I've been repeatedly put in situations by the same friend who invites absolute randoms along socially, usually people with issues, because she's very inclusive which on the whole is great.

However I've been in situations were the included after the fact random is really upset that it's not a 1:1 with my friend and is hostile to me or the other 3rd party or the group and it's just uncomfortable as fuck for all concerned.

No idea why she does it

It's quite petty, she's in town wants to catch up with both of you, where's the harm?

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I am generally speaking a more the merrier type - except when it's agreed that there's a heart to heart situation - however that doesn't ever extend to 9 year old good lord. As a child free by choicer it puts me about when people randomly bring their children to an adult thing without checking.

If you really don't fancy it pretend to be ill or something - if you actually say why you'll sound like a bit of a loon!

Maybe divulge the time /place and we can all turn up with YOU op!!

I’m more the merrier group. You might hit it off and make another friend.

My sister did this once.
I told it was fine but I'd pass and I'd see her on her own another time.
(So she cancelled the other person )
As an introvert I struggle a bit in groups - 2's company 3's s crowd, so I know where you're coming from op.

No point in bailing if you don't say why. Just say, I prefer one to one as we arranged, so let's meet up another time. Have a great time, You inconsiderate twat

It's never worked well when it has happened to me, so the "more the merrier" comments really annoy me!

I've got two friends who did this kind of thing regularly; one I rarely see now, one now knows to ask me first. I had to say something after a catch-up that she initiated, then invited along a horsey pal from her stables that I 'd never met and that she sees twice a week anyway. They just talked horses the entire time, while I alternated between smiling politely and trying unsuccessfully to divert the conversation to a topic I could contribute to. It wasn't even close to being merrier.

As a couple of PP have said, in my 20s or 30s I was happy to socialise with anyone, no matter how dull or boring, but I now value my time too much to waste it with strangers, which is what my friend becomes when she's with people from one of her interest groups - if you don't/can't join in she forgets you exist.

OP, you know the third person so you may be able to judge whether you'll enjoy her presence or not. If you think you'll be bored or miserable in her company then perhaps make your excuses, and do tell your friend how you feel about unexpected additions.

OP, don't pretend to be ill.

Just text her or phone her to say that you're disappointed that the evening you had planned has been changed by her without so much as asking if it would be ok for another person join in so with the same sentiment, you'll decline the invite and look forward to meeting her at some other time. Don't panic about how she's going to take it. She clearly didn't care about how her extra invited guest was going to impact on your evening.

you'll decline the invite and look forward to meeting her at some other time

Jesus, it's comments like this that make you understand why there are so many lonely friendless people in thr world.

So she's not seen her friend for a year. She's visiting and this is the opportunity. The third person she also knows and classifies as a friend. And your opinion is she could cancel and just stay home alone. Not go, make the best of it, and try to have fun?

It's very sad that people do this sort of thing, then they are on here posting about why they have no friends.

Introvert does not mean "shy and private" by the way.