Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

I can't imagine many Dads being happy to send 8yo girls into the Ladies alone.

My husband did and our autistic DD was totally capable of changing and getting organised herself, she’d seen me do it loads and had been dressing herself at home since far younger.

As someone that was once a 10 year old boy himself, I can tell you that 10 is far far too old.

Nothing you do in life is ever going to be 100% safe. But Kim I said above, the dangers are being over exaggerated. Most times you go into a men’s changing room on a weekend it’s full of dads and other boys getting changed. And I imagine the 4pm after school swim lessons are mostly boys as well.

Only if you want to deny the truth - which is that unisex puts females at risk.

Exactly.

“I can't imagine many Dads being happy to send 8yo girls into the Ladies alone.”

My DH takes my youngest two (girl and boy) swimming each Saturday. My DD refused to go into the men’s from about 5 and manages perfectly well by herself.

He’s never been “unhappy” about this, why should he?

I have no issues with top on and towel over swimmers and home to get changed but a PP said that would earn me a social services call out into the U.K., even though I have a car with a heater.

I suspect you might know this, but that poster was talking out of their arse. It was extremely common when my boys were younger and having lessons for the kids to go home in towels, dressing gowns and/or onesie's.

To be honest, I don't understand why anyone who isn't in a group (like me and my four children) would use group facilities. In which case, it should be family changing.

Why not just use an individual changing cubicle?

Also most people are kind and decent. Could you not ask a fellow parent (dad) going into to the changing with his son if he could keep a vague eye on yours? When I traveled alone with a baby I sometimes had to ask others to hold her while I collapsed buggy etc most people are happy to help if there’s an obvious need

Why not just use an individual changing cubicle?

You can. In the changing room of the sex of the person using it. Boys in the men’s, girls in the women’s. It’s simple.

Hm. My pool doesn't have individus changing cubicles inside the group changing rooms. I have never seen that before. Seems like a strange concept to me.

I have this problem in my gym that was adults only and now accepts kids. No family changing. Have seen boys aged 10 in women’s and literally staring when people get changed.

On another note some of the parents have make snarky comments at women getting changed as well about how they are inappropriate around the kids, like they should not have thongs on!

Gyms response was basically to Ignor it as it’s all about they money

I think a girl at 8 getting herself ready is different to a boy, they are more mature and independent but as I said at least I’ve now past that tricky 8 cut off point, it’s no fun being worried about your child in an environment you’re unsure of.

Maybe I have very young minded boys, or maybe because they see me naked as normal getting changed etc but they did and do not stare at the age of 10, although not tested that out for a few years now...

I’m sorry but 8 is too young to send any child into a situation where there is not appropriate adult supervision.

No alternatives round here. On me public pool with gender specific changing round here nearest one with mixed changing over an hours drive.

I reiterate I will not put my child at risk by sending him unsupervised into a room full of strangers (I wouldn’t do this regardless of whether men or women) who have not been subject to dbs checks.

If a parent complains I will just have to explain to him a girls right to not be embarrassed (which could be prevented by using one of the 2cubicles or by wrapping a towel round her) trumps him having the opportunity to swim and learn a life saving skill. That strangers who don’t know him say he should just grow up and go into an environment with strangers even if he doesn’t feel safe being alone because he’s 8. If he’s struggling, falls and slips and hurts himself mummy or and adult he knows will not be able to help or comfort him until he’s pulled himself together. If he can’t managed to use the tricky coin operated lockers he’s in his own. Or I could also encourage him to talk to random naked strangers! But at the samd time obviously he cant be left alone in his own home for 10 min because god only knows what could happen to him

@brighteyeowl17 if someone complaints and kicks up a fuss there will be a notice on the door that kids over 7 or 8 need to change in the appropriate changing room. And the reason they don't have cubicles is to help stop abuse of anyone vunerable not just kids plus it's cheaper.

“I think a girl at 8 getting herself ready is different to a boy, they are more mature and independent”
Well, they are if that is how they have been brought up.

I think it’s a well recognised fact that girls mature earlier than girls regardless of their upbringing

I meant girls than boys 🤦🏼‍♀️

Your reasoning and feelings are irrelevant. If the threshold is 8 and a complaint is made you have to leave. That’s what a rule is. You can’t pick and choose which ones you approve of and ones you don’t.

Flashing - yes- my 5 year old has complained about having to change in front of boys. So why should she have to?!

Mums of boys over 7 - for god sake teach your child how to dress themselves and respect the rules. Or get a towel onesie as another pp said and change at home.

f a parent complains I will just have to explain to him a girls right to not be embarrassed (which could be prevented by using one of the 2cubicles or by wrapping a towel round her) trumps him having the opportunity to swim and learn a life saving skill.

Yes. But try to include in that speech that a girls shouldn’t have to hide away so that a boy can use her facilities, that she and her biological sex deserves to be respected, and that he has no right whatsoever to complain about not getting to infiltrate the girls space

And I speak as someone thrown out of a pool as I swam with my toddler and left sleeping newborn in car seat poolside. I was told to get out of pool and leave.

“If a parent complains I will just have to explain to him a girls right to not be embarrassed...”

And when they remind you what the rules are and management asks your son to leave the female space...?