Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

Kath if tour son has a disability you should speak to the pool about accommodating your family. He shouldn't be in the women's changing and other women have every right to point this out

To the posters sneering at any suggestion with how to get their 8yo+ boys swimming.
Latest Edthebear.

It is not other posters problem to solve, it's yours.

To not allow your 8yo boy in the changing room allocated to him, is fine, your prerogative, your choice. But, you are NOT ALLOWED to take them in the females. It is UP TO YOU to find a solution to this, whatever that may be.

I have talked to them. They say, go ahead. They can't offer any other solution.

Doesn't stop other people giving me hassle. Which I find utterly ridiculous. As if we don't have enough to deal with. Maybe we should brand ourselves as a SN family with armbands or stickers on our heads. Would that be socially acceptable?

Anyway... he recently mastered large buttons. Hopefully the end is in sight. So I/we (because he feels the shame too) shouldn't have to go through this humiliation/stress for much longer.

(Btw 8 is much too young, and boys do need protection as much as girls. I always got changed under towels and never wore bikinis etc because I felt incredibly uncomfortable with my body, and didn't want to draw any attention to myself. I always thought people were looking, when they weren't. So I used an individual changing cubicle). I am determined that my kids won't have any of these negative feelings towards their bodies and so far, so good. A body is a body. And these are kids. End of.

Surely the answer is communal villages and individual cubicles for those who feel uncomfortable?

Btw 8 is much too young, and boys do need protection as much as girls. I always got changed under towels and never wore bikinis etc because I felt incredibly uncomfortable with my body, and didn't want to draw any attention to myself

Doesn’t mean other girls should have to do this.

No one is disputing that boys need protecting as well as girls. That’s really not the issue. The issue is that we can’t protect boys by bringing them into female only spaces. That’s protecting them to the detriment of girls - Giving girls and boys the message that a boys needs are more important than a girls. This is what needs addressing. And 8 is not too young to learn that lesson.

Well.maybe if someone got their 7 and 8 or olds to not think it was hilarious to pull.my dds pants down people wouldn't be so pissed off.

Now whereas i don't think they are deviants or offenders o do think they don't know how to behave sensibly enough to be there.

Deal with that and maybe people would feel different

“If the boys parents do not allow him to alone use the space the pool has allocated for him to change in
and if there is no male friend/relative who can take him,
and if getting changed at home is not an option
and if they don't drive so cant get to a different pool with unisex changing
and if there is no toilet in the centre he could get changed in
and if he would get too cold on public transport if he didn't have a chance to properly dry
then absolutely, yes, the boy should miss out on lessons from the age of 8 until you're ready to let him do any of the above
USING THE FEMALE SPACE SHOULD NEVER BE AN OPTION”

This is from another poster upthtead but it’s still relevant to the discussion.

To those saying an 8 year old boy is still so young, I agree that 8, with both sexes seem really small.

But to an 8 year old girl, who may have breast buds and pubic hair, an 8 year old boy could be in her class and she may not want to get changed in front of him. It’s not only about us as adult women and we want-it’s also about girls who may want to change in a female only space. Some adult women clearly want 8 plus year old boys in our changing space but just because our voice is louder than those of girls doesn’t mean their needs shouldn’t be addressed to.

I also don’t think “body confidence” with pubertal self-consciousness. You can’t tell your daughter to be proud of her body and e pact her to be OK changing in front of boys in her class at school.

My kids swim at junior surf life saving (nippers) once a week and when I go without DH it’s a pain with my son because he already, at 5, refuses to change with the girls. I’m surprised at all these 8 plus year old boys who are ok with changing with their mums.

However, if, after 8 he couldn’t change in a male changing room I wouldn’t bring him into the female one. We would have a conversation along the lines of, “Now that you’re 8 you are too big to change with the girls. Make sure you get out with Kai/Will/Jack and don’t forget your swimmers”. Or, “Do you want to get changed under a towel or just put a top on or get changed at home,” or, “If you come swimming with me at ... time you can’t change in the female changing rooms. Do you want to go Thursday night or Saturday morning instead, when dad can go?”

Surely the solution to all this is to get the Dad, or other male relative, to take the boys swimming! It shouldn't be only Mums doing this - that's inequality in itself.

Not everyone has a trusted male in their life.

Not all families have 2 parents, not all families have a parent of each sex do they?

And that's not just aimed at dads but mums too.

If I didn't have my husband then there are no other male relatives - I have 1 sister, my husband is an only child.

The answer quite simply is unisex changing for families. If pools have room then yes single sex plus unisex but if not then just unisex because that caters for the most people.

So rather than have to deal with an awkward shirt term period between say 8 and 10 where an alternative solution needs to be found.people would truly rather opt for a solution that PERMANANTLY leaves women and girls at greater risk

So all of the compromises have to come from the boys then?

You also have options if you don't like unisex changing (from the list above).

Kath I am sorry that you face such difficulties.

As I said previously the acknowledgement of those with additional needs starts and stops with brackets.

Girls already compromise.

BY accepting them up to the age of 8. Theres no reason why a kid is any safer at 10 than 8 from a full grown man several times their size so unless u plan on trampling over womens and girls rights their while lives you need to find that solution at some point. Instead of blaming us

At risk of what exactly? Embarrassment?

This is crackers, how is data about sexual assaults justification for insisting that eight year olds go into the male changing rooms alone? How?

They are not the ones committing the assaults!

I genuinely don't understand this.

Why is it eight? Why not ten or eleven?

Why?

Goodness weetabix, other posters are coming and going, but you've been constant. Anyone scanning this thread might think the support for males in the female changing room was quite high, until they see its the same poster over and over again.

Anyway, 'so all the compromises have to come from the boys then.' Well, yes, if you've decided to not use the facilities your child is supplied with, then of course it's going to be you who makes the compromises.

It's at least two.

Why is it eight? Why not ten or eleven?

Why?

Because girls go through puberty from 8 years. They don’t want boys from their class in their changing space.

Sparkly, I would really advise you read the whole thread. This has all been explained over and over again.

BY accepting them up to the age of 8.

You're acting as if it's a one way street. Dads will be taking their dds into the mens too.

And the solution is unisex changing which means that everyone and every family no matter what their set up is can be catered for.

Again if they can provide single sex then great.

If not you can go with the suggestions made earlier for boys

Drive to a pool with the changing facilities that suit

Change in the toilets

Change in the car

Or don't go.

That's not forcing girls to budge up. No one is going into the ladies.

Course its forcing girls to budge up. Because they are in the right place doing the right thing and are now expected to find an alternative to their own changing areas to accommodate boys.

No wonder male entitlement is such a world wide problem

Blimey, this thread is getting a bit like ground hog day.