Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

I wouldn't send my 8 yr old in by himself but probably wouldn't bring him into the women's either. If they don't have family changing why not have him change in the disabled toilets or be ready before and shower when he gets home?

The disabled posses another issue. They might be able to arrive in swim stuff and shower when they get home - where do they get dried?

The pool where we swim and my dc do swimming lessons is unisex. There are private cubicles and family cubicles but the showers are unisex. Never had a problem, probably because everyone knows the situation and no one is using a space for the opposite sex?

Unisex is the future.

But people need to remember whatever they suggest for single sex areas goes both ways. If you suggest a mum going into the mens with her son.
Think how you'd feel about a Dad in the Ladies with his daughter.

If this is occurring before swimming lessons, then surely the men’s changing rooms will be full of similar aged boys anyway?

Even without that taken into account, I think that the danger of men’s changing rooms has been over exaggerated. Boys aged 8+ are able to dry and change themselves and should be in the appropriate area.

“If this is occurring before swimming lessons, then surely the men’s changing rooms will be full of similar aged boys anyway?”

This is what I noticed today, while waiting for my 5 year old to rinse off after nippers at the beach. There was a continuous stream of boys popping in and out, plus some dads. Lots of boys I know who are aged 8 happy and comfortable changing and wandering in and out of their own space. I was actually the only mum who was hovering outside.

Boy A is in her class at school and is 8, boy B also in her class and is 7. Don’t tell me the girl in question wouldn’t wish both of them away. So there are times when we follow rules at the expense of the young person’s dignity. Because safety sometimes comes before dignity

Highlighting a case at the margin isn’t really helpful. The cut off is 8, the reason for this has been explained numerous times. Obviously there will be a boy who is 7 and 364 days, they will still be entitled to use the female changing rooms and if a girl feels uncomfortable then they would have to make come accommodation such as changing under a towel. The rules are there to balance the interests of young girls and boys.

As we explain to boys they have to respect the dignity of girls and change alone, we explain to girls that we have to respect the safety of boys and why the rules are made as they are. There will always be specific examples which make them seem unfair.

Following rules always leads to seemingly peverse outcomes at the margins and there will always be outliers. It has always been thus. And you always get posters saying ‘what about...’ as if it somehow proves a point.

As stated above there is no wherevlocal where we can swim together without using single sex changing rooms. Many people will be in the same position regarding swimming lessons If that is the situation what would you like us to do with our 8 year old boys. Would you be happy shoving your 8 year old girls in a room of strange adults with two exits, one back out towards the car park, one to deep water knowing you couldn’t get to them???

The separation at 8 is too young.of it’s based on periods the average age is 12. Yes there are some outliers, but there are instances of girls getting periods at 6. In no other situation do you expect a parent to abandon a child at 8 in a room full of strangers with no checked out adult supervision! We normally require DBS checks for adults in such unsupervised roles with young kids!

10 is a much more reasonable age to draw the line!

To those saying teach your boy to get changed in his own with a towel
Round him clearly have no understanding of the issues around sending a young child unsupervised into a room of strangers with two exits and I would question whether these people have enough ability to assess risk to parent properly. Maybe it would be better to teach your daughter to get changed with a towel wrapped round them or only go to pools with individual changing rooms.

Or are you aying where there’s no suitable facilities my son should be denied the opportunity to learn to swim.

8 might be the currrnt age but it is a stupid rule. Just because it is a rule doesn’t mean it is stupid and unfair. I think there was a rule once that women couldn’t vote, another that married women couldn’t own property. Maybe we should just have shrugged our shoulders and said well that’s the rule!

Applause for @Deadbudgie

10 is too old. I remember 10 year old boys at my primary school making sexual comments about our changing bodies. Would have HATED getting changed in front of them.

Reminds me of a comment in a Margaret Atwood book - little girls may look cute to adults but to each other they are life sized. Your 10 year old son to you is your baby - to his 10 year old peer he is something very different.

I hated the thought of son at the age of 8 being alone in a room of men getting changed. 10 does seem more sensible to me. Thankfully mine are now 13 and 10 so I feel ok about it. Although I have been known to take them with me to ladies service station toilets when over the age of 8...

“The separation at 8 is too young.of it’s based on periods the average age is 12. Yes there are some outliers, but there are instances of girls getting periods at 6. “

It’s not based on periods. It’s based on puberty, the first sign is usually breast budding and this can start after 8 years and be early, but not medically normal.

A six year old having periods is precocious and not medically normal and would have had investigations and hormone studies.

You are exactly proving Rainbow’s point about bringing outliers into the discussion to strengthen your argument.

That Margaret Atwood quote is perfect.

• but not be medically abnormal. Any pubertal changes after 8 in a girl are ok. For boys it’s 9.

People need to re use the concepts of ranges and averages.

I’d be more concerned about my daughter being alone in a room full of mothers who think that a girls right to privacy, dignity and safety in a space designated only to them isn’t important. Those are the dangerous adults. Wtf are you actually teaching your children?

“I’d be more concerned about my daughter being alone in a room full of mothers who think that a girls right to privacy, dignity and safety in a space designated only to them isn’t important. Those are the dangerous adults. Wtf are you actually teaching your children?”

Internalised misogyny for their daughters and male entitlement for their sons.

My son was 8 when he used the men’s changing room at the gym by himself. I told him that he has to use the male changjng room as it not fair in the girls and women to have a growing boy in the changjng room and you have to respect women.
He was fine, he has been taught that nobody is to touch his body and other safety stuff.

Well said Budge. I agree 10 would be a much more sensible cut off.

8 is still very young to be sent to get changed alone with no way of checking they are ok, and not faffing around.

The pool we currently use has lessons on in half, half open to members and the changing rooms are used by people using the gym.
No way in a months time will my DS be getting sent into the Mens. Likewise I can't imagine many Dads being happy to send 8yo girls into the Ladies alone.

“No way in a months time will my DS be getting sent into the Mens. Likewise I can't imagine many Dads being happy to send 8yo girls into the Ladies alone.”

So what will you do in a month’s time of another parent complains and your asked to leave?

Their pool, their rulz and all that.

*you’re.

Silly autocorrect

You don’t have to send your 8 year old into the men’s changing room alone-or your 8 year old girl into the woman’s. You just need to come up with another solution that does not involve other 8 year olds losing the privacy and dignity that the rule is intended to protect.

Well said Budge. I agree 10 would be a much more sensible cut off

Let’s put all young girls on puberty blockers then until the age of 10 just so your son doesn’t have to grow up and use the correct facilities for his sex

8 is the age limit for a reason. It’s been this way for years - since I was a child at least. It’s no new thing they’ve brought in.

And yes, dads do have to send their 8+ girls into the female changing rooms alone! And I actually suspect most just do, instead of trying to find ways to flaunt the rule.

As I said upthread - there’s nothing, no scenario that you can come up with, that justifies a male being in a female only changing room or a female being in a males above the age of 8.

At 6 there is absolutely no way my son is going in a changing room alone. I take him in the ladies where there are plenty of private cubicles. He doesn't see any girls getting changed and they don't see him getting changed. Where is the problem?

You don’t have to at 6 - but you need to start thinking and put into plan what you’re going to do when he’s 8 as he won’t be entitled to use it then.

Where is the problem?

The problem has been explained over and over and over again. It is the female changing rooms. It’s not for males over 8. Deal with it.

“At 6 there is absolutely no way my son is going in a changing room alone”

Nobody is saying you should.