Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

“No girls in the boys changing rooms either.“

Of course not. This has been said many times. Both boys and girls
deserve dignity and privacy.

Weetabix - nobody has said that the female and male changing rooms should have different rules.

I’m sorry but girls need educating that they should never sacrifice their own dignity and comfortableness for the sake of a boy. They need educating that they should speak up when they see a boy violating their rights to a safe and secure place - especially one that’s designated for their use only. And you need to educate your son that they have NO Right to take these rights away from girls.

Oh I'm sorry, where's the part about it also applying to no girls in the boys changing room/ teaching boys to speak up about their safe space being violated?

Struggling why are they not the same? Your suggesting I send my young child into a public place where I can’t see him or get to him. A place full of strangers. Usually have 2 doors, one not far off leading into the street the second leading to deep water.

I have as much right to protect my child as some mother of a daughter who has begun her period at 8. (Wtf is a girl of 8 who is on her period and should not be wearing a tampon at that age is going swimming is a whole other story!)

My children go to a private school for their swimming lessons so there are never any adults getting changed with children at any time. There is one cubicle in each changing room and parents are repeatedly told that over 8s must get changed in their respective changing rooms. Showers are separate cubicles.
In the female changing rooms on the day I take my children, there is a boy who is at least 10 or 11 (and I know this because he is in secondary school uniform) and he literally sits and stares at the girls getting changed. He isn't even having lessons - it's his younger sibling! My eldest daughter (10) has now stopped lessons because she felt so uncomfortable at getting changed in front of him. I spoke to the mum, and complained to the school sports manager but still it persists. I don't find that acceptable that my daughters are made to feel embarrassed about their own bodies whilst in the supposed privacy of a female changing room.

I have as much right to protect my child as some mother of a daughter who has begun her period at 8

Yes you do. But not by using the female only changing rooms. Go somewhere with a unisex changing room.

Oh I'm sorry, where's the part about it also applying to no girls in the boys changing room/ teaching boys to speak up about their safe space being violated?

In the 100 previous posts I’ve made on this thread. And according to you there is no safe space for boys?!

You’re being ridiculous and I wish you’d just get to the point you’re trying to make rather than trying to trip me up on something I’ve said.
You’re not right about this issue. Single sex spaces are for people within that sex. No exceptions, no ‘but I need to keep my son safe so I’ll take the girls space instead cos they don’t matter it’s only how they feel they’ll get over it if you educate them’ nothing that you can up with can justify it because you will be wrong. There’s no justifying it at all.

“Oh I'm sorry, where's the part about it also applying to no girls in the boys changing room/ teaching boys to speak up about their safe space being violated?”
Weetabix- people have been saying that it applied to boys as well all through the thread. You just don’t want to hear it for some reason.

What if the 8 year old girl doesn’t want a 7 year old boy there. Or a 6 year old. Does a point come when she is told the boy is entitled to be there?

“I have as much right to protect my child as some mother of a daughter who has begun her period at 8. ”

Of course you have. You just don’t have the right to take him into a woman only changing room over the age of 8.

“What if the 8 year old girl doesn’t want a 7 year old boy there. Or a 6 year old. Does a point come when she is told the boy is entitled to be there?”
Yes. When he is under the age of 8.

people have been saying that it applied to boys as well all through the thread. You just don’t want to hear it for some reason

Because it is only said as an after thought. That post I quoted above is entirely one sided. If it was also meant to be applied to girls too why wasn't that made clear?

Nobody thats hard too. Whats the mum meant to do? Leave the 10yo boy home alone.

I'm currently trying to weight up my options.
Current lessons are in a private gym with communal changing rooms.
Other option is a school with m/f but they at least have some cubicles.
The council pool has a changing village and crap lessons

At just 8 he's not going somewhere I can't enter.
Wtf are you meant to do??

Boy A is in her class at school and is 8, boy B also in her class and is 7. Don’t tell me the girl in question wouldn’t wish both of them away. So there are times when we follow rules at the expense of the young person’s dignity. Because safety sometimes comes before dignity.

“Your suggesting I send my young child into a public place where I can’t see him or get to him.”

No, these are the rules.

At just 8 he's not going somewhere I can't enter.
Wtf are you meant to do??

Find a solution that doesn’t include him going into the female changing room. Don’t pass your dilemma onto the females in there.

Because it is only said as an after thought. That post I quoted above is entirely one sided. If it was also meant to be applied to girls too why wasn't that made clear?

Because I was replying to someone who said girls should be educated about letting boys into their space. Not the other way round.

Life - of course the girl wants neither there but has to suck it up if the 7 year old turns up. Even though it's the female area, the girl is the one who has to make adjustments like boys who are 8 and deemed by their mums to be unsafe in the men's need to make. The 7yo boy is allowed to be there and hopefully his mum will sense her embarrassment and help him change in a different area of the changing room to her.

You could also petition the local authority to provide safe spaces for children (another protected characteristic, age). But what they’d be likely to bring in is a changing village. Has anyone been somewhere that had a mixture of single and mixed sex (with cubicles)? Did that work?

Weetabix- this was one of my first contributions to this thread-
“I think over 8s of either sex should be in the appropriate changing rooms”
I think you might be reading selectively.

If nothing else, I hope this thread has emphasised to women who are adamant that their 8 plus year old boys will continue to go to the female changing rooms that many other parents, on behalf of their daughters (or their remembered 8 year old selves) will object. And if the pool or club has rules of 8 or over then those rules will be applied.

While some people won’t care (personally I don’t give a shit if a 9 year old boy sees me naked) there certainly isn’t a universal acceptance that boys 8 plus belong in a female changing space and parents aren’t going to smile benevolently at 9/10 year olds in with their mums.

To some, that may seem nuts, or world’s gone crazy, or PC gone mad or unnecessarily vilification of their sons but there are sufficient people who want pubertal girls to have single-sex private changing spaces that if older boys are in there then those older boys will be asked to leave.

You can come up with 1000 reasons why the rules don’t work for you on this thread but the changing room rules exist and will be enforced. Once you just accept that taking your 8 plus year old boy into a female space isn’t an option then some other solutions may present themselves.

My son is still 5 and I know what I’ll do in that situation. My options aren’t ones others agree with but as an advocate for single-sex changing places for my daughter it’s not my job to work out where your sons will go.

@nolongersurprised My son is still 5 and I know what I’ll do in that situation
What will you do?

“@nolongersurprised My son is still 5 and I know what I’ll do in that situation
What will you do?”

Well, he will have been told that he is too old to change with girls because they don’t want a boy seeing them, and he will accept that because hopefully he won’t he entitled.

At that age he’ll be swimming at a swim squad where parents aren’t allowed in changing rooms anyway, but he’ll be changing with boys he knows and I’ll ask him to make sure he stays with his friends. I have no issues with top on and towel over swimmers and home to get changed but a PP said that would earn me a social services call out into the U.K., even though I have a car with a heater.

Later this morning he will want to shower at the beach club house and will refuse to wait till home, but he hates going in the girls’ change. I will ask our male neighbour, who is here with his kids to help rinse him off. At 5 he needs a hand with the shower, he won’t need this at 8.