Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

The first time I took one of my sons to a health club I was (briefly) a member of, we were told as we went in that he would need to use the mens changing as he might make the women in the changing room uncomfortable. He was only recently 6. The problem was he was very tall, so didn't look 6. I was worried, but it was quiet, and he managed. But I can imagine it would depend on the place and time as to whether this would always be appropriate.

My ds needs help with changing and with the locker but there is no way I would take him in the ladies changing room - he was 10 recently. If there are no family changing rooms we usually would not go. But we ended up somewhere last weekend with separate changing areas for male and female. Ds managed ok. I had to ask someone who worked there to help him with the locker. Apart from that he was fine. He is definitely too old to be in the ladies changing room. He has autism but it still wouldn't be right, I don't think.

I have a girl and a boy. In this situation my dd would use cubical, because she is 9 and doesn't want any one seeing get changed her at the moment male of female adult or child. That is her choice.

My boy is 3, when he is older I would make sure he also uses a cubical in case this is the preference of other young girls. (Or in case he wants privacy)

I would not allow either to use a changing area without an adult I trust with them. Protecting both against paedophiles is the highest priority in this situation.

Thank goodness for family changing in most places.

Seriously you think this is a huge risk? Good lord the world has gone mad. Children get undressed for pe together all the time and you are worried about 8 year olds? What are you all so ashamed of or bothered about!

8 is still too little imo. Why did the pool decide 8? Surely 10 or 11 would be better? DS is only 5 but I couldn't imagine sending him off to male changing alone at 8. 10 or 11, yes. But 8 is still very safely pre-pubescent surely?

I don't think that any mother of a boy thinks their sons are more important than the girls, what I think is that they want to protect their sons from possible danger going into male changing rooms alone. What they probably think is that their sons are equally entitled to be protected. There isn't just the probability of men swearing and they might hear it, there is a real danger of paedophiles in those changing rooms. A friend of mine sent his 12 year old son to the urinal whilst he was in the cubicle across. His son was molested. Where do you people come from? In my local pool myself and other people were waiting for fun and floats, a mother was told she had to take her son into the men's changing room, he was 8. All of us mothers waiting spoke up to say no that wasn't acceptable and told her to bring him into the women's changing area. It's absolutely nuts now how boys and girls are pitted against each other by so called adults.

If the age limit is 8 then older ones shouldn't be in there. My 13 year old will never be safe anywhere on his own but I don't expect to be able to take him into the ladies changing room.

Obviously marvellous couldn't agree more!

Was just about to say the same to you supermam!

@arethereanyleftatall
I’m still not sure of the solution, but will definitely be mindful next time I go and see if there’s an alternative.
There’s only one private health club near us with swimming facilities. Husband is working at times lessons are offered- it’s my daughter who does lessons, son just does his own swimming. Still not happy about going to men’s changing rooms- not just swearing but chat of “shagging birds”- not really what I want my son listening to. Onesie idea could work on way to pool but what about on way out, where would he shower and dry himself off?

There’s no girls of his age in the changing room at the time we go, either younger boys and girls or else women.

Will have to think about what to do.

Boys and girls do not strip naked when getting changed for PE. Usually when they swim -usually in y3 or 4 (aged 7/8 and 8/9) they are in male ir female changing rooms. It is not ok for boys aged over 8 to use female facilities. I say this as a single mother who would have no choice but to use another leisure facility or simply just not go at all until DS could use male facilities alone. Sad but true. Family changing cubicles should be a necessity when designing all leisure changing rooms.

It’s the same in my gym. It’s not essentialy adults only with the exception of offering private swimming tuition which I assume is not cheap.

So the only kids ever in the changing rooms are those taking swimming lessons. It’s mainly young boys but occasionally a girl there if with their dad. There is actually one solitary private cubicle to get changed in despite being adult only but have felt uncomfortable getting change myself. Not worried about my own vanity or anything but just think it’s wrong for a 8-9 year old girl having to see 20 odd swinging dicks. It’s not as if anyone is being exibitionist. It’s just a normal gym. I partly think they should just not allow it but the lessons are a money spinner and profitable

@arethereanyleftatall I would rather see it that she felt uncomfortable about sending an 8 year old boy off to the mens alone. That's just not right. I would feel similarly uncomfortable. I don't think an 8 year old boy is a threat to a young girl. 10 or 11 then I get a girl feeling uncomfortable, but 8 is still so little! Do we mums of boys just have to stop taking them swimming for a few years when they turn 8 until they are old enough to better understand risk and protection of themselves?

I am very relaxed about nudity, but I don’t really feel comfortable with having boys staring at me or my dd when we get changed.

When I was in Australia recently there were clear signs saying that kids over the age of 5 must use changing rooms appropriate to their sex.

Do your own children not see you naked? I really do not get all the fuss. A body is not shameful whatsoever.

@arethereanyleftatall

“2. Accept that your child being assaulted/sexually assaulted/raped in a situation where he cannot possibly defend himself and there are no safe adults aroundis a small price to pay for grown-ass women to not feel threatened by a 9 year old CHILD because of what they have between their legs

There. Fixed it for you.

Well there's no fucking way I would send my little 5 yo off to the mens alone, so in Aus that would definitely nix swimming for half a decade! Christ. It's not only girls that are vulnerable. I really think people forget that.

MonsterTequila BANG ON!!!

Got myself in a muddle. It’s a gym for adults. But with a pool. No family rooms etc because of the former so male female only. But allows private swimming tuition for kids. So daughters go in men’s and with dads and sons with mothers. I don’t know why I’m bothered as am fine with nudity but wouldn’t want my own young daughters in the mens

Over five is insane.

I wouldn’t use that pool if I couldn’t supervise my 8yo changing. If he was 11 and closer to puberty then I can see the issue. But 8 is too young to go in the men’s alone imo. I wouldn’t violate the rules but I’d stop using that pool until DS was old enough to safely change on his own.

@Cheetahssitonfajitas . You'll discover in a few years time there's a large change from 5 to 8yo. It's plenty old enough. All they need to be able to do is shower, and get themselves dried and dressed. That really shouldn't be a struggle for a NT 8 yo.

Interestingly, when dd was 7.5yo, she switched from swim lessons to swim club. That's not the interesting bit! On her first day, I went in to the girls change with her to get in to cossie as I was accustomed to doing, along with the other mums of any kids up to about 9 at swim lessons. I looked around to realise I was the only parent in the change room, and I was quickly shooed out by dd. After the lesson I sat on the bench outside the changing room with all the other parents waiting for our children who all came out of their respective changing room. Swimming club take from 7yo. So, the interesting bit (I think) is the difference in mindset. No idea why.

@arethereanyleftatall

Yeah I did, I said they need family changing rooms. Try reading before biting eh?

As a mum of 3 boys I find this post really upsetting! My oldest is nearly 8, and I certainly would not allow him into the mens changing rooms alone. Boys of this age are just as innocent and vulnerable as girls of the same age, it would be completely inappropriate for an 8 year old boy to go and change for swimming alone in a male changing room. Some of the replies talk about these young boys as if they are ‘sex pests’ rather than children!

It was age 7 at our local pool until a boy was raped some years ago now it's all unisex cubicles.
I would never let my DS go unaccompanied into a changing room before he was 13 even if he was nt and capable.
Ds has adhd and asd so at 10 I guess we shouldn't swim at some pools then .
Isn't that a form of disability discrimination?