Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

Yes mention it to the management it is really important for any girls in there and some women wouldn’t feel
Comfortable either

Do they offer family changing?

Unfortunately there is no family changing. It’s a reasonably small health club rather than a leisure centre and its primary focus is adult facilities really.

Are they with their parents?

What time of day are we talking about? Why are they not at school?

Yanbu.
Please mention it to management.
It is utterly wrong that parents let their sons in the female changing room. (Barring sn). It is the start (well it probably started 8 years previous) of instilling in these boys that their wants are more important than females. We all need to start speaking up about this, as it happens all the time. Quite apart from the fact that it is utterly unfair in their ten year old peers who would really prefer to get changed without their male classmate in the changing room (can you imagine that being allowed in a year 6 classroom!!), there isn't the bloody space in the female changing room for every single child make or female up to the age of ten! Grrr. Rants over. It boils my piss.

This is after school. Lessons start at 4, so the 20 mins or so before that. They tend to be with their mums/siblings.

Complain to the club, and make them understand that they need to be providing family changing facilities.

I can understand that their mothers want to keep them where they can see them- especially if there are strange adult males around- but this isn’t the solution.

Not sure if I would be comfortable with my 8 year old DS in a male changing room alone with grown men.

“Almost undoubtably over 8” would probably have meant my ds1 at 7. I wouldn’t want to send an 8 or 9 year old off to change with naked men. They need to be protected too. I also wouldn’t want to make women or girls uncomfortable. So I would not be using a pool without family changing for those in between ages when ds too old for one and imo too young for the other.

@arethereanyleftatall

I can imagine it in a year 6 classroom because it happened unfortunately! We were expected to change for PE in the classroom with the boys. What happened was that 10-12 girls used to cram into the book corner to change. It was horrible actually. Now I think about it I really can’t see how it was allowed to happen. This was only 15 years ago!

The in need to provide family changing facilities if they are going to offer classes to children.

The in = the club

@lifeinthelastlane I’m sure some of them might be older looking 7 year olds. Some look to be about 11 though so I doubt all they are all just big for their ages.

@Drogosnextwife
That's fine, but the solution is not to just go in to the female changing room. Find a different solution. The no over 8s rule has been decided for a reason. You don't get to just ignore it for your pb.

I complained for this very reason. A boy who looked at least 10 or 11 was sitting in the ladies changing room watching all the girls and women getting changed then his mum sent him into a cubicle to change himself. I have friends who won’t take their sons swimming now because they won’t leave them on the boys changing room alone. I just taught my son to Yell if anyone tried to touch him or made him feel uncomfortable. It’s never been an issue.

Could these boys be self-identifying as female? Got to be careful.

@drogosnextwife I’ve been a member at 3 different gyms where the policy has been that over 8s change in single sex changing rooms and no family facilities.

@HenweeArcher at least changing for pe you get to keep your knickers on! These poor girls have to strip naked, some who will definitely have started puberty, in front of their male classmates. Utterly awful.

My DS has SN and I get him to change in the individual changing room within the ladies changing room. He still needs prompting from outside and me to sort out the locker for him. If his older brother is also swimming they get changed in the male changing room but I don’t think he’d cope there on his own.

I take my just turned 9 year old into the female changing room. No family changing and I’m afraid I wouldn’t send him into the male changing room alone. When my husband is with me he takes him in but there’s huge a lot of swearing and ‘lad chat’ which isn’t pleasant. Not sure what else I am supposed to do when I am on my own?

I remember two lads in the health club changing rooms staring and talking about ‘seeing boobies’ they were definitely older than 8. The signs were clear that opposite sex children were only allowed in until the age of 8. Somehow people were either too thick to read it and understand or too entitled to accept that meant them. It was awful trying to change under a towel as there were no cubicles. I complained many times but nothing changed.

Poor girls might be seen by a 9 year old or poor 9 year old boy changing alone with God knows who in male changing!

Where is the actual risk!

There's quite a few options @LoopyGremlin which don't encroach on the rights of females to have a private space to get naked in without males 8+ in there.

1. Find another pool with family change (like a poster above does).
2. Accept that your child hearing a few swear words is a small price to pay for young girls not be made to feel uncomfortable and inferior.
3. Change his swimming time to a time when your husband can go.
4. Get changed at home with a onesie over the top. Quick March through the males changing to the pool.

There's probably other options, and you may well have reasons to pick apart the four I've given. But my point is the default absolutely should not be to just go in to the females. That shouldn't even be a thought process. Find another solution.

It’s also not very dignified for the child!

Ds is 9 and is disabled so can’t change himself and is unlikely to be able to do so any time soon. However I wouldn’t take him into the ladies changing rooms (or toilets when we are out) because it is undignified for him as well as not fair on others using the facility.

I have actually been in a changing room once when a young boy did genuinely say to his mother 'mum, that sign says no boys over 8. I'm 9. Why am I allowed in here?' She didn't have a response. I suppose she couldn't really audibly give the real answer 'because you're far more important than all the girls darling'.