Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

Most pools allow children to swim alone from 8 - that’s probably where the age limit comes from.

Who is causing the problem here? The grown men. Whether they are potential paedophiles or attackers or “just” swearing and being rude and unpleasant. And who is supposed to take the hit for that? Certainly not the the grown men. The mothers who have to decide what to do with their sons. The mothers who are concerned for their daughters’ privacy and comfort. Their daughters not feeling very happy with boys in their changing room. The boys who might not really want to be in the changing room with the girls. But certainly not the men, oh no. We have to accept how they behave apparently, and work round it. Budge up girls, you fix it, seems to be the message.
Grrrrr.

Hmm, these threads always go well.

I don’t think over 8s should be in a changing room with people of the opposite sex. Thankfully as a parent of only boys who takes them swimming on my own all our local pools have changing villages. I personally wouldn’t go anywhere with a communal changing area anyway, I like to change in privacy regardless of who else is there.

Rather obviously @Drogosnextwife, you wrote that after, whilst I was typing my response to your first message.

But, yes, this whole thing does make me very cross. My job and hobby (swimming) mean that I'm in changing rooms a lot, and it does upset me to see so many ten year old girls having to hide their body and struggle to change whilst trying to hold a towel to avoid the gazing eyes of the ten year old boy. It isn't fair.

To the poster who mentioned about grown up woman being uncomfortable, no one is talking about grown up women giving a toss whether a ten year old boy is staring at her. It's the girls just starting puberty it's the problem for.

@nousernamesavailable It is becoming increasingly difficult to be the parent of little boys in this day. I don't think some adults realise that little boys are just as innocent and vulnerable as little girls. It's as if we should just throw our boys to the wolves and hope for the best. I agree, it is upsetting to read comments like some on this thread. They're all kids and all innocent little things to be protected. And you're right about how some speak of little boys like they're some kind of sexual predator in the making. People don't realise they are doing all children an injustice with that kind of attitude. Kids are going to grow frightened of interacting with the opposite sex for fear of the consequences and accusations.

@arethereanyleftatall you're missing my point. Now, at 5, he's perfectly capable of showering, drying and dressing himself. I wouldn't allow him to do that alone - now or at 8, in a male changing room because of the risk of sexual assault. If ypu think an 8 year old boy has the wiles and defense mechanisms in place to protect himself from an adult in such an environment then I'm astounded. Or is it that mums of girls think they are 'far more important than all the boys'. Can you not see how your argument works on the flip side? Do you think an 8 year old boy is less vulnerable to adult males than a girl is to an 8 year old boy? As that is what this boils down to in actuality.

Great post @mollymawk

Exactly what @trancepants said!

Disgraceful the way some of you are talking about young boys, their needs and safety are just as important as that of young girls

@mollymawk so let little boys be out at risk then? You're happy for that to happen?

@ovviousltmarvellous I don’t have children so no kids see me makes and even if they did that doesn’t mean I want a 10 year old lad staring at me while I get changed. If their are no cubicles I am left trying to change under a towel when I am in a FEMALE changing room and should be able to be change comfortably.

Adding in that the 8 year old boy in the women's space would be supervised by his mother so could actually do no harm, an 8 year old boy in the mens space has no protection at all. You still think the latter is the ideal scenario, given the choice?

My boys wouldn’t want to change or be naked in front of girls or women either.

I’m always surprised on these threads how many places still have open plan changing rooms. I honestly can’t think of a single pool I’ve been to in the last number of years that wasn’t a changing village.

Well there's no fucking way I would send my little 5 yo off to the mens alone, so in Aus that would definitely nix swimming for half a decade!

I've never seen a pool in Australia that says over 5. Most say over 8.

I think what the swim school DS used to go to was good - during swimming lesson times, the change rooms become unisex for adults - so girls go into girls with their mum or dad, and boys into the boys. It's expected that the very small amount of adults there at that time use the cubicles to change.

@SuperMam123 you are completely right. It is the attitude and prejudice of the adults that is the issue, not behaviour of the boys x

Changing villages are not without problems either, I’ve learned on here (and seen in the press) cases of men being found to have videoed others changing.

Are some of the fucking loonies on here really thinking that a girl/woman having to share a changing room with a male child in the company of his mother/aunt/grandmother is a worse situation than a male child having to get changed alone with strange men. Fucking hell. That's a warped sense of priorities. A child, male or female, of 9 should not be sent off unsupervised to get naked in front of other naked adults.

Yes I have to agree with this!

@SuperMam123 no of course not. My point is that the people actually causing the risk (the adult men) are literally the only people in this scenario who aren’t having to suffer for it. Or do anything about it. And society seems to accept that. That’s not right.

You must be crazy if you think I'd allow my 8 year old dts in a male or female changing room alone, they're not even allowed to use the men's toilet unless they are with their dad.

All children have the right to feel safe and I know mine wouldn't feel comfortable going into a room full of strange men on their own.
Who makes up these rules? And why do girls matter more than boys?

@SuperMam123 summed up my feelings exactly. So sad for my little boy reading these attitudes to children and the general feeling that little boys should be put in a really potentially dangerous scenario to spare emotional discomfort of little girls. Yes, adult males are ultimately accountable, but as a mum just wanting to take my boy swimming I can't change that, I can only seek to protect him from harm as long as I am able. And he bloody loves swimming...

@mollymawk Yes you are right. I hadn't fully grasped your meaning previously.

I find it odd that anywhere offering lesson for children doesn’t have a family change area.

I have three boys and my eldest is 8 and I wouldn’t send him to change alone, not because he isn’t able or because I think he is more important than anyone else but because he is still a young boy and would be in a situation where he was potentially vulnerable. The same as I wouldn’t send him into certain public toilets alone. I feel the open style of changing room isn’t really fit for purpose.

I have a small, young looking just-turned 8yo. Possibly with SN. Highly likely to be dyslexic and probably with other related needs. He's only just got to the threshold to start assessment. With his rate of progress in swimming lessons, dyspraxia could well be on the cards amongst umpteen other signs

I just don't trust him to change alone if I want to see him in the next 3 hours. He doesn't want to change alone, and drifts off into his own world between each item of clothing. Left to it, he'd just stand in a shower gazing into space rubbing a small section of hair for half an hour.

I struggle with cubicals due to claustropobia/ sensory overload and have had panic attacks in changing areas. Standing outside a cubical instructing him has been of limited sucess. Plus there's a younger sibling involved needing supervision.

Hopefully starting swimming lessons with school might encourage a gear change because I've tried to train him to be more independent, but he's just not been ready by an arbitary 8th birthday.

The pool we have lessons at has a mix of changing options but nothing seems to be quite the right fit at the moment for an opposite sex child needing supervision and prompting.

@Thesearmsofmine ours is a school pool, used for lessons and public at the weekends. One room for men, one for women, no cubicles at all. It's close (to get to at 8am on a saturday!) and cheap and has the best tuition! A big sports centre I would expect more options for sure.

@mollymawk so I suppose then that men should have THEIR own space and innocent children and their mothers have THEIR own space too? But then what about little girls going swimming with their dads? Should those little girls then go into female changing rooms alone? No. Children should go where they feel safe and that is with a parent regardless of whether it's a boy in with females or a girl in with males. Its useless laying blame. A parents job is to protect.