Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

I'm not sure what all your changing rooms are like at swimming lessons time, but ours are jam packed with kids. The chance of one kid being in the changing room alone with one adult, and a paedophile at that, is non-existent- big disclaimer - at my local pool specifically; I don't know about others. A strong adult paedophile could indeed outmuscle an 8 year old boy, but he could also outmuscle a 9yo, and a 10 yo, and an 11 yo, and a12yo, and a 13 yo, and a 14yo, and a 15yo, and a 16yo. At some point we have to allow our kids to assess risks, and help them to do so. So, if your 8 yo ds walks in to the males changing room, and he sees he's going to be alone with a man, then he can walk straight out back again.

Some really vile comments on here about boys and mums of boys - @arethereanyleftatall guessing you don’t have a son? We teach them from an early age that they’re more important than girls do we? And WTAF do you base that on?

I’m lucky my older DS supervises my younger son when changing but I’d be v unhappy him changing alone without me. I’m not one of those who thinks there’s a paedophile on every corner but equally I’m aware of the risks and that those risks apply to boys as well as girls. But hey who gives a shit about boys eh?

I’m sick to the fucking back teeth of the demonisation of boys and men on this forum.

So he walks straight back out again and then what the fuck does he do? Change in the corridor? My DS is usually on his own with one or two men and his older brother.

Your post is nonsense.

@ arethereanyleftatall

In my children’s schools year 6’s still get changed together in the clsssroom.

@arethereanyleftatall your last post is disgusting.

Not naked though@BenjiB like in a swimming pool changing room.

Why @SuperMam123 ?

They’re not their

My dad has just turned 10. He's still sweet and innocent and I'd worry about him in a men's changing room even now. He is now at the stage though, where he wouldn't want to go to the ladies cubical change rooms (even though no naked bodies on show). Sadly, this means that we rarely go swimming. Only when we can get to a unisex change room swimming pool.

How sad that women and children have to adapt and fight (as this thread is showing) amongst ourselves for the safety of our children. I also know a man who took his young daughter swimming and changed her in men's cubicle (he had no woman with him). She saw and heard things she shouldn't have.

Not dad, ds obviously.

@arethereanyleftatall You're implying that a little boy going into a female changing room instantly means that they are self inflated. You're comparing small boys to adult male predators. You have also conceded that adult males can be a danger to small boys but still want them sent wondering about alone to get changed without a parent. The things you have posted here about boys are worrying.

I'm not trying to be smug. I think it's a topic that should be discussed. It's a fact that men commit more crimes than women. Far, far more. Why is that? When does it all start? Of course not all men, or boys are bad, most of them are lovely.

@StitchingMoss Very well put.

But 8 is the age deemed by all these organisations to be the right age. I didn't make these rules.

And, yes, I do think if an 8yo boy is in the girls changing room, and he can read the sign saying under 8s only, he must be thinking 'why doesn't that apply to me'?

@arethereanyleftatall

I hardly think that the grown men using the male changing room are acting like "the world revolves around them". They are exactly where they are supposed to be.

We all don't want young children changing alone in a room with them, but that often applies to dad's who feel unhappy sending their young girls into an open changing room alone too.

The fact is, no one can ever do right when it comes to open changing rooms. It's not got for purpose. Grown men need to change in the men's, that's not behaving like the world revolves around them and if that's the only space provided then they don't have anywhere else to change. Grown women need to change in the women's. That means that if you had children then they need to go with you into whichever changing room applies... And that will always, always end up with someone feeling uncomfortable. There is no win. And no one is in the wrong.

Facilities need to be changed into changing villages with floor to ceiling cubicle walls and doors.

It's a fact that men commit more crimes than women.

But you're ok with young boys being sent alone into a change room where they are statistically more likely to be assaulted, than you are for them to change in the safer female change rooms?

Please do when I was 14 I would have left if

I agree with you @ChrisjenAvasarala. Especially the last paragraph.

Back pedalling wildly now - and you were being smug. You don’t have a son so you have no idea what this constant demonisation feels like.

My boys are not criminals and should not be treated as such. I do my best to manage the awkward circumstances - other mums don’t have the options I do.

Demonising boys and men is an unhelpful and divisive narrative but one repeated ad nauseum on Mumsnet.

How can you now agree with Chris??? You were the one saying grown men act like the world revolves around them?!?

@StitchingMoss 🙄 i was just going to comment the exact same thing!

Midnight- I think the best solution is as Christjen states - floor to ceiling family sized changing rooms unisexed.

But on the slight tangent topic that we somehow got on to - it is clear from the stats of crimes committed, plus the sheer number of women who post daily on mn about their misogynistic husbands, that something either nature or nurture causes many men to believe they are superior to women. I do think that the little constant messages that creep in - such as 'don't worry that you're 11 ds, that rule doesn't apply to us' - add to this.