Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

This is all academic for me as every pool we've ever been too has a changing village with individual cubicles (I'm near Glasgow... There are probably some old fashioned ones around but we've not found them). So I've never had to take my boys into a female changing room. But I would. I'd make them face the wall and explain that they need to give everyone else privacy, but I wouldn't leave them alone with a bunch of naked men. If they started looking around, I'd be covering their face and giving them a proper telling off. You all seem to be under the impression that we would all allow them to gawk around the room. I certainly wouldn't. I'd keep the intrusion as unobtrusive as possible but, like everyone else in an open plan changing design, I'd have no other option.

But I am going to hide this thread.
I have increasingly realised that a hell of a lot of people ignore all kind of rules because they only care about their own family.
I work in a field full of people who literally dedicate their lives to helping others.
But most people seem to think only of their own family and what is best for them, and to hell really with anyone else.

chrisjen I have been in a communal changing room with boys staring at women and snigering. No I don't for a minute think most mums would do that. I think most mums who ignore the rules and take boys into communal changing rooms think their boys are too young to notice breasts, etc. They are wrong.

@marymarkle

You wonder what I imagine happening? The thing that sticks in my mind was a young boy being raped in a cubicle. A man pushed him into a cublice at the swimming and raped him. The boys told a lifeguard, the got the guy and police came and at his trial his defence was that it "was a sexual emergency". And that happened in a changing village with individual cubicles and the man just saw a chance and grabbed it when he could. So what I imagine happening in an open plan change is about the same as that. It only needs a few minutes of no other customers in there for the wrong man to be alone with my son at an age where he has no hope of defending himself.

marymarkle

What would you do if it were two young girls giggling?

I sent my boys with DH usually but the odd time we used female. My pool is 9 and under and he was 8/9. Other pools we use have family change which is much better. I wouldn't mind myself if there were going boys changing. They're hardly predatory at primary age!

Do you not have a voice? All it takes it's a word to the mum "they are staring and sniggering. If they need to be in here then have them face the wall".

No, you shouldn't need to do that. But boys shouldn't be alone with grown naked men either. Your anger should be with the facility, not the mum's scared for their boys. I would be furious if my boys laughed and stared and I think it's really poor form if their mums don't step in and stop them looking.

Genuine question... would those who would be happy to send a 9 year old boy unaccompanied into a male changing room be equally happy to send an unaccompanied 9 year old girl into that room?

The establishment has set an age limit of 8. If you want your 10 year old boy in the female changing rooms, find somewhere else to swim with family facilities or unisex changing.

Equally, if there is a pool with unisex changing, and you're not comfortable with that, find another pool.

Don't just flout the rules and then start screaming paedophile paedophile paedophile when challenged. You had a choice before you went in.

A boy looking and sniggering in a change room is probably going to do the same thing in the boys change room. That's a sign of immaturity and lack of manners, not a yardstick for a potential paedophile.

Option 3: petition your local pool for family facilities. But ultimately it's their choice with regards to what to provide as long as they operate within the law.

I find this one really tricky - there ideally should be no boys over 8 in the female changing rooms, but I don't think that women or girls should feel threatened by boys who are primary school aged (11 and under) being in the changing rooms! They're still so young themselves and they're not there in a predatory way.

I would 100% feel more comfortable with a boy of around that age in the womens changing rooms with his mother rather than be alone in the mens changing room, where he could be assaulted by an unknown man. I fear that much much worse could happen to a young boy alone and naked with grown men than a young boy with his mother could do by being present in the womens changing room.

If girls need so much privacy from males (young, supervised, non threatening males) why is it boys dont need the same protection?

At 9 I think most boys and girls would be uncomfortable changing in front of same or opposite sex. But for safety they should not be alone.

I don't care only about my own family, I don't think any young boy should be in a male changing room without a trusted adult.

It is the start (well it probably started 8 years previous) of instilling in these boys that their wants are more important than females

No, I'm sorry, its not. Mothers of son's want their children to grow up being respectful and practising equality, but we are ALSO- ie in the same way a mother of daughters is- trying to keep our children safe. It is so true what people are saying, nowadays all boys are taking the rap for any out of order male behaviour. I don't have a solution by the way, but I'd love people to stop thinking of boys as more likely to be perverts than kids just in the swimming pool to go swimming. Girls and boys need protecting.

But most people seem to think only of their own family and what is best for them, and to hell really with anyone else

I really strongly disagree with this. Women don't want their sons making people feel uncomfortable, they don't want girls to feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or unsafe. They also don't want a young boy in with grown men and people here are trying to come up with a solution. I'm lucky the boys I take swimming are younger than the agreed age. When they're older and I have to take them I will stand outside the male changing room and worry like hell.

Maybe this is naive but what do people think are going to happen to boys in a men's changing room? Do you really think they're pits of peadeophiles waiting to get their hands on your children? No. They are just men going swimming.

A parent wants their child to be safe no matter what gender. I have boys and girls. They all see each other naked. Girls stare just as much as boys. Half of you are suggesting wrapping up girls in cotton wool whilst we throw our boys to the wolves - complete lunacy! Puberty is natural and BOYS GO THROUGH IT TOO! Do you think that's only a gender based issue too? The world is mad, and certainly first world problems.

I think the best answer is separate male and female changing rooms (so that men can't video etc) but that there are changing cubicles and shower cubicles for everyone, so that children up to 10 can remain with their parents, but everyone has privacy to change.

I am amazed that some women on this thread are defending taking their boys into a female changing room at age 9 ffs!!

I am amazed at how many people are against a mother taking her CHILD to get changed with her. The problem is with the attitude of the adults who seem to be sexualising the normal innocent behaviour of young children, the problem is not the children.

@littlecabbagge it's cubicles that cause the issues which is why many changing rooms are open plan so there is no where for people to hide.

Those who think it’s ok out of interest what age would you say is too old? 10? 13? 16? 22? Never?

@nousernamesavailable some girls have started periods by 9. They do not want 9 year old boys in the changing room with them and neither do older teenage girls. Adult women over about 21 normally don't care.

Schools and clubs get around it because the children are in a group if there isn't an adult of the same sex.

@Sirzy would vary between each child and shouldn’t be forced before a child is ready but would usually happen naturally around about the start of puberty/the transition to secondary school as children start to gain greater autonomy and independence

Some really interesting points on here. I definitely wasn’t accusing boys of being predatory or anything, more concerned for the comfort of their female counterparts. Generally I have no problem with nudity. Whilst I understand the concerns of mothers about their young sons (and I do have a son, although he’s very young), I don’t really believe there is a significant risk to a boy getting changed in the male facilities at a peak time when there will be other boys and dads present.

"Those who think it’s ok out of interest what age would you say is too old? 10? 13? 16? 22? Never?"

our school will not release kids unless adult in the playground before y5. In year 5 this changes, so from 10 years it seems more reasonable to give the child that extra independence.