To ask your thoughts on having two adults, a toddler and a newborn in a studio flat?

[0valtine]

How practical do you think this is? Two adults, a boisterous toddler whos walking and into everything, and a newborn.

One room where you sit/cook/eat/play and then one bedroom. Tiny bathroom and no other space.

Thoughts?

Sorry but I don’t understand all the ‘poor OP’ posts. Yes her DP is selfish but she’s not a total victim and doesn’t appear to make good choices.

Quite.

OP has chosen to have two children with an unsuitable man whilst living in unsuitable accommodation on a low wage.

This was an active choice. As women, we have ultimate control about bringing children into the world or not and IMO it is better to prioritize the already-living than a bunch of cells.

You would be better off financially and emotionally leaving this man, leaving london and going back to a job in a large city.

However this in itself is not easy, given you need money to move. And you can't just magic up a job.

With one child, moving on your own would have been a possibility. With two you've made it a million times harder.

Eliza9917
The OP has said they pay £1000 pcm, twice.

Afraid I haven’t had time to rtft but just wanted to share our experience. We recently renovated our house and had to move out. Dh, ds (11), dd (5) & I lived in a tiny one bedroomed annexe for seven months. The four of us shared the bedroom which was so small that we needed to move the kids mattresses from the floor each day so we could move around & open cupboards.
We had a kitchen area in a small living space.
We survived, and actually loved being in such close proximity to each other. Having said that it took a lot of work every day to keep on top of everything and make sure everything was put away so the place was tidy. I had to be super organised, so no relaxing days at all really as there was always something to do.
It was survivable, but only for a temporary period of time. I am amazed we lasted 7 months, and am quite proud of us really!
One thing we came to realise is that the kids, esp ds, really needed their space - there was a lot of bickering. I don’t think you’ll have that particular problem but I can imagine that with two little ones it will be you needing the space... Also if the baby cries it may be tricky not to wake your other dc up at night as you won’t be able to get away.
Good luck!

Move up north. I’d wager you could rent a mansion for the price of your one bed flat!!

Let's face it. Your relationship is doomed and you already don't seem to like this guy much. Start planning the rest of your life and get out asap. Have you got any family outside of London who could help you?

Bit worried for you, OP. The new baby will make life a lot harder for you. If you cease to cope, what on earth will happen to your children?

Start looking after yourself, by planning a better situation in a cheaper flat or cheaper place. Your DP may or may not move with you, but please don't let him stall your progress.

Your situation sounds so like ours! We were struggling on one income in SW london! I came home from work one day broke down over the £1050PCM for a tiny tiny 1 bed I'm imagining yours is about that size too! Me and DH couldn't fit there with all our clothes shoes electronics it was unliveable so I cracked told him were moving and he had to deal with it we now live in Co Durham own our house and live really comfortable our entire outgoings are under £1000PCM that includes food meals out day trips! We didn't have any DCs in your situation but I knew we never would be able to have DCs in London with out getting really powerful jobs! There is a lot of work up here and housing is so cheap! plus the deposit on our house was 6k all figures that our London friends are shocked by! I would say Manchester is an amazing choice if you are wanting to move there is as much opotunity as london! Also I got DH to move her by bringing him to my parents for a weekend and going house hunting an estate agent broke down our outgoings compared to London and he was sold! I miss London badly but with DC1 on the way I feel cramped in a two bed house let alone that tiny little "flat" in London!

OP, you've said he knows he's got you over a barrel as he knows you're scared to move on your own. All I can say is that getting over that fear is what will get you out of this horrendous living situation. You will find the reality is nowhere near as bad as you thought.

Just checked. You could get a 6 bed HOUSE with front & back garden near me for £900pcm (sod all jobs though).

OP, what borough are you in? I'm in Lewisham with fast links to central London and you could get a 2 bed for £1,000 or less. But the real issue is that you don't like your DP - and moving to a larger space probably won't solve that. It's a very tough situation to be in, I'm sorry.

Not managed to read all the comments but you really need to apply for tax credits and housing benefit. You should be getting some. He earns no more than my partner and we get quite a bit. Plus housing benefit and working tax credits. If he won't move then I would move somewhere with the children if I were you. We pay £550 for a 3 bed house with quite a big garden in a nice area in North yorkshire! I'm baffled by how little you're living on, it won't be financially viable as the children get older. Cost of school uniforms, shoes, any activities they'd like to do are going to blow what little you have and you will be unable to save anything for a rainy day.

Perfectly fine. Many wonderful people grew up in cramped conditions. If you cant earn and afford bigger place then its great you have got safe home with roof over your head.
Small home can encourage you to go exploring outdoors more with toddler and baby. I grew up with 3 siblings in a same bedroom and we didnt have a living room per se. We grew up being much closer to each other than many others

You need to go to refuge, and say that you are being financially abused. I expect once you've talked to them a bit more about your situation, they will be able to show you that there are other aspects of abuse in your relationship. They will be able to help you, if you really want to leave.

Also, look at www.homefinderuk.org They state that there is social housing available immediately for anyone willing to move nationwide or at least 100 miles outside your area including:

• Homeless households (obviously just you and the kids)
• Applicants living in temporary accommodation
• Private sector tenants threatened with homelessness
• Victims of domestic abuse
• Overcrowded families and social tenants.

Good luck 😀

We were getting HB and DH was getting PIP and ESA as well whilst living in london I was earning 1100 a month so all in all we had a strong income living where you were! But we felt cramped!

Move to the outskirts and commute. My DD and her fiancé bought in Ruislip near the Central Line. Slough is even less expensive and is on the Paddington line, soon to be a Crossrail stop. Or go east- even cheaper.

I know a young family where the DW is expecting and her DH is refusing to move out of London. It is putting a lot of pressure on her and is pointless as we all know that the first time he attends a parents’ evening in a London school and looks at the other parents and children he will be on Rightmove pronto. Why wait?

Just seen this post. Can't believe what I read, absolute nightmare to me. Having another child is obviously more important than sanity. Not fair on the toddler, let alone you, DP and new born.

At the very least it seems horribly crowded. A studio flat is really intended for one person so this is a difficult way to live. What if one of you is ill and needs peace and quiet? Impossible.

I love all the just move posts.
Tell me how she and two kids are going to be able to move a few hundred miles with no money, no job, no family ties to an area to help her and most probably no dp.

She needs to come up with a plan to somehow cope in the small flat whilst doing something to enable her to save to be able to move. Either getting back into work which will mean trying to get childcare for 2 young children or into some sort of training, further education that will allow her to earn a decent income.
She can’t rely on getting a decent amount of child maintenance if and when her and dp break up as he is low paid and possibly has other children(op didn’t confirm or deny that she has posted this before and he won’t move as he has other children). So if she wants to improve her life and that of her children then she has to start taking control of her life and doing something.

OP, this situation sounds far from ideal. You say you don't want to be a single parent but it sounds like you already are if DP works nights, sleeps all day, disappears to football at the weekend and stays in his shit job because it gives him maximum time away from the flat.

Things have got to change. If DP refuses to put you and the kids first you need to plan a new life without him.

London is a dreadful place to live if you cannot afford to do all of the things that benefit living in London. Your DP has been incredibly selfish and cruel by letting you think you were going to move and then doing a u-turn.

Do you have any family or friends that could put you up temporarily if you leave DP? You talk about the possibility of more children in the future with someone else which implies to me that you don't see a future with your current DP.

You must start looking at your options as, honestly, it sounds like your DP really doesn't care about you or the kids and I worry that if you don't try and take back some control he could up and leave you in a terrible position.

@Sukochicha

OP was on birth control that failed, not everyone believes in abortion even when the baby is just "a few cells".