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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding Invite specifies no smoking

280 replies

Busholive · 06/02/2019 12:43

AIBU? I'm a bit miffed. I by no means chain smoke, but might have one or two outside at a party.

My cousin is getting married soon and the invites request that people don't smoke within the grounds of the church or the grounds of the reception venue. I'm not going to kick up a fuss, I just feel like its overkill.

OP posts:
EdWinchester · 07/02/2019 20:30

What a good idea.

No fag butts or people coming in reeking.

NameChangeNugget · 07/02/2019 20:32

Brilliant idea. Well done on her

Sweetpea55 · 07/02/2019 20:33

How far would you have to walk to have a fag

Bluelady · 07/02/2019 20:45

I hope it's completely banned too and you all start whinging about the £12.3 billion in extra tax you all have to pay to plug the hole in the Treasury.

CowJumping · 07/02/2019 20:51

YABU.

Smoking is pretty horrible for those around you & those who have to clean up after the rubbish smokers leave.

BertrandRussell · 07/02/2019 20:53

Don’t worry, Bluelady-we’ll save that money on council cleaning bills and NHS usage!

nocoolnamesleft · 07/02/2019 20:56

Superb idea to ban smoking. It's always nice on the rare occasion one can combine a social event with actually being able to breathe.

Bluelady · 07/02/2019 20:57

Doubt it. It's 10% of the entire NHS budget, far less than smokers actually cost it. Not to mention the amount in unpaid pensions their early deaths save. Nice try but no cigar.

Graphista · 07/02/2019 21:02

"Why do people assume fag ends would be dropped." Because most smokers do this. Great that you don't, but most do. I've been in jobs where cleaning up fag butts, ash even phlegm etc was unfortunately part of the role (wouldn't be now due to smoking ban), it's a horrible disgusting thing to have to deal with and most smokers are ime completely thoughtless about their detritus. Even when there's bins provided they don't bloody use them! They burn/damage plants, furniture, wooden flooring with their thoughtless behaviour and are quite often completely unapologetic.

I married before the smoking ban, I'm a lifelong non smoker with 2 heavy smoker parents and I'm sure my asthma if not caused is certainly worse than it needed to be because of their smoking. At my wedding smokers didn't smoke near me because of the dress and lots of them knew about my asthma - my dress STILL ended up stinking and even after being cleaned twice still smelt. I had hoped to donate it but it really wasn't fit for it. I had to throw it out.

I was SO pleased when the smoking ban came in, made my life and I'm sure many other non smokers especially those with asthma etc much easier. I heard from friends of mine who are commercial cleaners it made their lives a touch more pleasant too!

The sooner this disgusting habit becomes completely socially unacceptable the better. Banning is tempting but would likely cause riots and increase smuggling etc. But govts around the world even ours are continually taking steps to discourage the habit.

Well done to your cousin, hope she has a great day.

"Thinking back to our wedding, of the 70 or so guests, none of them smoke now" that prompted me to think. Only 4 of those that were smokers at my wedding are still smokers. The rest have chosen or been forced to quit (that includes my parents, dad is now on oxygen it would be a major fire hazard for them to still be smoking. Both parents hugely regretful they ever started)

I do find it hard to understand anyone under say 50 being a smoker since by the time they were old enough to smoke the harm was well known. I DEFINITELY don't understand anyone under 30 doing so. The cost alone!!

"I think the no smoking at all on the grounds of a venue thing will become more common as smokers reduce in number and companies don't feel the need to provide facilities to keep the same income" yes now the economics are such that it costs them more to provide facilities, to accommodate smokers, than any reduction in revenue by offending them they'll become less and less accepting of it.

"Bold is expecting other people to pick up your skanky fag ends tbh" yep! Lazy and entitled too.

"As most people now hate smoking how do they feel about second hand e-cig and vape "smoke"."

Personally I think it's FAR too soon to declare these "safe" it took decades for the scientific community to prove and accept that not only was smoking directly responsible for certain ailments in smokers but also in passive smokers (I get why, scientists are reluctant to stare certainties without a lot of evidence) and we're only very recently starting to understand tertiary smoking and the effects/harm. Much of the harmful effects of smoking aren't immediately occurring/observable and I suspect it'll only be in the next 20/30/40 years that we'll really know if vaping is really "safe" particularly for passive exposure.

Certainly I've noticed certain "mixtures" set my asthma off.

"I vape & I've found that most places treat vaping just like smoking" I think that's as it should be.

"Obviously the anti-social culprits are not going to actually admit it in either case." So true! Nobody ever admits but SOMEBODY must be responsible. I've had smokers outright lie to my face that they were the ones that dropped that fag butt/stubbed it out on my employers furniture etc even when I've just bloody seen them do it!

"vaping is nothing but a dummy tit to suck on."

Yep! It's also very telling that many vaping products are made by...tobacco companies!

Also much of the research so far claiming vaping is safer is (and sometimes it's not immediately obvious you have to dig into the funding info) funded/carried out by the manufacturers.

"Oh for God's sake, people whinging about vaping are just being Puritans.
Its not harmful. It might not be what you'd choose , but it's momentary.
It's like a stream of someone else's music. Irritating but generally harmless, and unless you live a hermits life you have to let them get on with it." Yea, us asthmatics are just being whinging wimps right? Never mind that asthma kills and that LIVING really IS a human right!

"Don’t worry, Bluelady-we’ll save that money on council cleaning bills and NHS usage!" And not just the smokers needing Nhs treatment as a result of smoking either, but all those who would have been affected by secondary & tertiary smoke, plus all the working days lost to illness caused by smoking...

TakenForSlanted · 07/02/2019 21:07

I don't smoke - but I really could see myself taking up the habit temporarily on the occasion of some holier-than-thou couple's wedding.

Look, you need not like what others do and fail to do. Some of it will inevitably affect you negatively just as some of what you do will affect others negatively. But do please try to keep the moral crusading in check.

I totally understand every person who feels they desperately need a fag at such a wedding. I've coughed my lungs out the two times in my life that I've tried and even I want a smoke now.

Bluelady · 07/02/2019 21:10

@Takenforslanted, I stopped smoking years ago and these threads always make me want to start again!

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 07/02/2019 21:24

When I smoked I'd probably have declined the invitation I couldn't have gone the whole day without smoking - that's what an addiction is.

Luckily I vape now so I don't have that problem. And it's been found that any remotely harmful substances from the vapour being released into the air around it is trace. You're more likely harmed by the emissions from the cars on the road.

BackforGood · 07/02/2019 22:21

I've never seen it on a wedding invitation, but I'd be delighted if I did. Hate that 'walking through the cloud of smokers' when you go to a function.

The venue might, but I imagine the church wouldn't have a rule about it!

Whyever not ? As a volunteer at my Church I've got better things to be doing with my time than licking up other people's fag ends. what a disgusting job for someone to have to do.

It's very normal for smokers to have to go right off the premises to smoke these days though - I work in lots of different buildings, and sometimes have to do the 'hostess welcome' bit at the beginning, and most buildings say 'no smoking anywhere within the grounds.

squeekums · 07/02/2019 22:26

As a smoker that would be one invitation I would delightfully decline. Can't stand weddings, so at least I'd have a good excuse!

Agree lol.
If i couldnt get out of the wedding it be a good excuse to leave wedding and go on smoko walk lol for 15 minutes

Not understanding the whole smoking on church grounds disrespectful. Who cares i have no respect for legal cults so that line dont work with me.

zebakrheum · 07/02/2019 23:35

Not understanding the whole smoking on church grounds disrespectful

Would you like to go and visit your relative's grave and find fag butts scattered round and about?

Do you smoke in someone else's private garden and just chuck your dog ends down anywhere?

Donmesswime · 08/02/2019 01:56

I think the point she was making is that she has no respect for church grounds.

I'm with her on that.
I just wouldn't go.

LucyBabs · 08/02/2019 02:12

Why would you not smoke on the grounds of a church? Will god strike you down?
I've never been on a forum that lacks so much understanding when it comes to addiction. You can't dare mention that you like a drink at the weekend without someone questioning if you're ruining a family members life.
I don't know why you bothered op

LucyBabs · 08/02/2019 02:16

graphista You need a different hobby hahaha!

LaBelleSauvage · 08/02/2019 03:10

Can't be bothered with smokers up on their high horse about people telling them they can't smoke certain places when they throw cigarette ends all over the place.

If you're not grown up enough to behave in a civilised manner on someone else's property without littering, you shouldn't be allowed to smoke.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 08/02/2019 03:30

Good on them for banning it. I've seen what smoking does and I'd never ever smoke as a result and never have anyway.
It's probably the rules of the church and with the mess it leaves behind, can you blame them? Discarded cigarette ends are not nice things to have to pick up.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 08/02/2019 03:36

Smokers getting on their high horses about their filthy habit. Is smoking a human right? Smoking should be banned full stop. Angry

MidniteScribbler · 08/02/2019 03:45

I don't smoke - but I really could see myself taking up the habit temporarily on the occasion of some holier-than-thou couple's wedding.

Would you say the same about a bride and groom who had chosen to have a dry wedding? Would you demand alcohol? What if they wanted a vegetarian or vegan wedding? Would you walk into the reception with a bag of McDonald's and sit and eat your burger just to show that they can't dictate anything to you?

Aridane · 08/02/2019 06:28

When I smoked I'd probably have declined the invitation I couldn't have gone the whole day without smoking - that's what an addiction is

You don’t have to go the whole day without smoking- just exit the premises / grounds for a smoke. Ideally not mid vows

TroysMammy · 08/02/2019 06:33

Perhaps the bride and groom don't want to be hugged and kissed by someone stinking of cigarette smoke and breathing it all over them. The smell is nauseous. Also the litter aspect of cigarette butts.

Teacher22 · 08/02/2019 06:56

Smoking in the grounds of a church is disrespectful in the same way as wearing scanty clothes to a church service would be so manners would dictate a no-no on that issue.

As for the venue, there are few places which allow smoking now on the grounds of protection from passive smoking claims. Also, other guests will have bought very expensive best clothes for the event and will not want to smell of smoke.

I am not in favour of authoritarian rules or sin taxes but the link between smoking and serious illnesses and diseases is so established that perhaps you could use this occasion as a wake up call to stop smoking yourself. It is also a sort of purgatory for others to suffer the fumes and smell of others’ smoking and have their clothes ruined.