Misogynistic Teen Boys

[livinginaweirdworld]

I have name changed for this due to some outing details.

I work in an all boys school, these are very bright boys in a selective school. But the sexist and misogynistic words I hear coming from them even in year 7 and 8 absolutely astounds me.

I have spoken to them when I hear them speaking like this, but they literally dont give any fucks whatsoever.

I have done tutorials on these subjects, I have asked how they would feel if there mum or sister were spoken about like this and they still do not care.

I am talking about rape being banter (akin to the Warwick Uni students), calling a girl frigid as she wouldn't send nudes or give them a blow job. Saying they were going to dump a girl as she wouldn't take it up the arse. They also seem to think women in the workplace will always be inferior as they have to go off and make babies and leave the bosses and the men with the proper work.

The treat female members of staff with disdain and contempt. Admittedly some of them treat male members just as badly but nowhere near as many as the female staff.

Where is this attitude coming from? I would say a good 75% of the students here have this attitude. Not all of them can get that from poor parenting surely?

AIBU as a woman to want to take my 2 daughters and move to Mars to get away from this kind of society?

What the OP is saying is true.
I, and other female colleagues, have witnessed similar in our all boys selective school.
My DS attends said school and he says it's commonplace.

Also, as the question has been asked (not remotely relevant) we are in a predominantly white area.

When main stream Tv targets teens with shite like love island and naked attraction then imo things have gone too far.

This is without the bloody disturbing crap on the internet

I believe single sex schooling is extremely sexist in both camps does no favours to anyone and should be banned.

How can children learn from each other and respect each other when we are teaching them they must be segregated to learn in the first place.

I foresee and whole generation of ruined lives in ten years when these kids brought up on porn can’t function in a normal relationship

We need to be teaching relationship lessons now and from a very young age

We need to teach both sexes that sexism is as bad a racism
This needs to be drilled into kids from nursery

I just pray my dd is one of the lucky ones
And I try to teach my ds that misogyny is wrong It’s very sad.

I don't work in a selective school, but do work in a school in a very nice area.

I've had lots of comments made about other students and some members of staff in front of me (by male pupils) and have had nothing more than 'boys will be boys comments' from leadership.

On one occasion, when I was pregnant (and unmarried) a male pupil remarked that I 'must have gotten pregnant at a gangbang'. So I definitely believe they sort of comments they make OP. Luckily this student had a head of house who was far stricter than the rest who immediately called the boys parents, put them on speakerphone and made the boy repeat exactly what he had said to me. His parents were horrified and he was very apologetic afterwards.

I tend to go with that method in these situations now. Unfortunately there will be parents who don't see it as a big deal but the vast majority are disgusted by what their sons have said. And the boys seem to realise exactly how bad it is when they have to repeat it to their own mothers.

I believe single sex schooling is extremely sexist in both camps does no favours to anyone and should be banned

Actually studies show that single-sex education benefits girls.

How can children learn from each other and respect each other when we are teaching them they must be segregated to learn in the first place

Because you make friends with people you want to, rather than are forced to be alongside. Because you don’t spend your learning time trying to either impress or avoid the opposite sex. Because you don’t have to adhere to gender stereotypes to avoid comments. My DD didn’t respect the boys in her class in primary because they were immature and silly.

I’m glad co-ed exists. But not as outlined in op.

I can believe it @livinginaweirdworld.

My d is in the sixth form of a very selective state school which is all boys up to year 11. The way the girls are treated and spoken to/about makes my blood boil. I ask my d and her friends why they let these boys treat them this way - they are beautiful, intelligent, strong young women who are heading off to university to study medicine, law, politics. They just shrug say and say that’s just how it is. Interestingly many of these boys can’t string a sentence together when they’re on their own with a girl. The staff are lovely but the misogyny and double standards in the student body is breathtaking.

My d says that she’s never send her son to a single sex school, no matter how good the results, as the culture is so ‘off’. She wonders how they cope at university or in the workplace.

But it’s up to us as parents to show boys the way and by saying girls learn better without boys isn’t helping. It’s this entire culture that “my girl” can’t be hindered by a smelly rough boy but it’s ok for other people’s daughters to go to school with boys as it’s better for those boys that’s wrong!! Get rid of the lot and encourage mutual understanding

It does go on sadly clavinova, so perhaps stop troll hunting. My 17 y/o said the stuff his 'mates' would come out with would disgust me. #shameonyou is about right

@livinginaweirdworld

Jennifer Savin
‏Verified account @JenniSavin
Feb 4

hi all, I'm looking to speak with female teachers who've been sexually harassed by students (be it name-calling, being filmed without consent etc.) for a @CosmopolitanUK feature. all retweets appreciated and my DMs are open if anyone would like to get in touch. thank you

Thats not me btw Ive only copied and pasted it from Twitter.

Those advocating against single sex schools, I would say its even more reason for girls to go into single sex school, and avoid the shit boys schools where they're all, go boys, ra ra ra, with your rapey comments and degrading women. Lock em all up the bastards. Great advert for these schools, not!

Do name and shame the bastards, and report their arses for mysogyny. What hope is there is parents and teachers and heads and SLT think this is ok.

Very encouraging to hear that so e do actually stand up to it and shame them to their parents. They should lose all privileges. Girls being abused from the get go. I know for a fact our school would have come down hard on them, and done police reports and safeguarding etc

That’s horrific Owwlie. That does seem like a good tactic to use, though as you say only works if the parents are shocked.

I get what you are saying Clavinova about the girls pictures. It’s not about shaming them or saying they are causing the boys behaviour (they are absolutely not). But I do find it disconcerting to find so many 13/14 year olds on Instagram looking like underwear models with sexy poses. It’s more a question of why they are doing it - do they think that is their only value or they have to look like that? Etc etc. But it’s not really relevant to the thread.

Get rid of the lot and encourage mutual understanding

And until then? With a DD who wants to thrive in traditionally “male” pursuits, I’m not willing to sacrifice her at the alter of “its so divisive”

So it’s never ending circles jacques

Girls schools my be great academically but I believe socially they do girls no favours

We have a good girls school next to us and girls they go there are boy mad.
They act like giggling imbeciles when boys are around. Dress in booty dresses for them
Obsessed to the point of unhealthy.

The girls at the mixed comp are more down to earth and give the boys back as good as they get.

I really don’t think it’s healthy to take half the population away as we don’t trust you with them It’s a really shitty message and it doesn’t work as the girls obsession a demonstrate.

Made eye - I'm pretty sure the girls in the mixed school do not 'give back as good as they get' - I hate that phrase I've heard it used about women in abusive relationships too. They shouldn't be 'getting' anything to give back in the first place. Also There were some girls at my mixed school who were obsessed with boys. I wasn't - Same for girls schools. I don't think going to a mixed school benefitted me in life in any way.

So many issues here aren’t there, sorry you are having to deal with this OP. I’d find it very upsetting too.
Sounds like SLT need a kick up the backside - so many safeguarding issues here especially with the new guidelines. I’d be tempted to raise this with them as they’ll know that OFSTED will be all over it.
Are there many women in leadership there? Sounds like there needs to be!
With regards to the boys themselves. In my experience, trying to rationalise where there is a large number of them quite often backfires. Try a short sharp, “that’s completely inappropriate and misogynistic” and then move on and keep saying it. Then you are consistently reinforcing that it’s wrong but not getting into arguments with them.

Haven't RTFT because it's too depressing, but I really think it might be time for misogynistic speech to be a criminal matter, same as other forms of hate speech.

Twenty odd years ago, when very straight-laced colleagues in a traditionally male role started to get why this sort of talk is not acceptable, I really thought we'd won that battle.

Just my observation as an ex employee of mixed and girls schools.

Girls schools my be great academically but I believe socially they do girls no favours

Actually I feel entirely the opposite.

We have a good girls school next to us and girls they go there are boy mad.
They act like giggling imbeciles when boys are around. Dress in booty dresses for them
Obsessed to the point of unhealthy

A. Really? Yet again girls are at fault.
B. Anecdote isn’t evidence.

I really don’t think it’s healthy to take half the population away as we don’t trust you with them It’s a really shitty message and it doesn’t work as the girls obsession a demonstrate

Which girls obsession? From one school?

For us it wasn’t taking away half the population due to trust, it was taking opportunities that no other schools offer for girls. The fact she isn’t surrounded by boys displaying behaviour as per the OP is an added bonus!

OP can you take it to the governors? Can your union step in or advise?

I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Boys in a boys private school being arrogant, cocky and making crude remarks is par for the course in a well to do single sex environment.

Girls in a similar situation are just as crude, arrogant and sexist.

Most of the time its all talk because they don’t socialise with the opposite sex so they turn to stereotypes from social outlets to impress thier peers.

Nothing to worry about.

What like they'll finish with a boy if they dont give them anal sex?

Girls in a similar situation are just as crude, arrogant and sexist

Really? Girls use rape as “bantz”?

Banter among young girls will be as crude as the boys and yes will include rape and anal sex. It’s probably a reflection of the society we live in.

It’s young people being young, immature, trying to impress thier peer group by making outrageous comments. As long as it’s all talk, I think we need to let it pass. (Unless we are the parents)