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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9 year old daughter told to wear sports bra/crop top

252 replies

movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:29

DD came to me last night saying that she needed a sports bra or crop top for P.E in the future as the teacher had told this to a group of girls who had been doing gymnastics and their tshirts had fallen down when doing handstands .

I can only assume this is to cover up their 9 year old nipples for fear of...........what exactly?

Are the boys to cover their nipples also?

AIBU to be cross about this?

OP posts:
Seeline · 06/02/2019 10:33

Some 9yos will have a lot more than nipples. May be the teacher suggested this to all the girls to save singling out one girl and causing embarrassment.
Most girls were wearing crop tops by 9 in my DDs class regardless of physical need. The whole class changed in the classroom with the boys, and the girls felt more comfortable with a crop top.

Wallywobbles · 06/02/2019 10:36

Some of them are easily a C cup at that age. So possibly general comment rather than embarrassing individuals.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:37

None of the girls in question have anything resembling actual breasts, They are all skinny or muscular wee things.

OP posts:
E20mom · 06/02/2019 10:38

It's fair enough rather than singling put some girls. Lots of girls enter puberty at that age.

DorisDances · 06/02/2019 10:39

Sounds reasonable at 9 OP

MrsWooster · 06/02/2019 10:39

seeline
If girls are developing breasts, then they may well choose to wear tops/bralettes. It sounds like op's daughter isn't and the teacher is enforcing a cover up . I'd suggest to the teacher that this is not yet an issue for many of the girls and she leave it up to the girls / mums to decide when THEY want to cover their chests rather than prematurely making them feel like the object of the male gaze.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/02/2019 10:39

Maybe she just wants a crop top because her friends have them and This is her way of asking? If not, and she doesn't want a crop top she can just tuck her t-shirt Into her shorts.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 06/02/2019 10:39

Some of them are easily a C cup at that age

9?!

Wtf am I reading?

negomi90 · 06/02/2019 10:39

I needed a bra at 9. Better the teacher encourages all of them to wear one than singles out that one girl who knows she's drawn the short straw by being first to develop.

YellowMellow15 · 06/02/2019 10:40

I would say you are not bu. Unless the girls want to wear it they shouldnt have to. A vest underneath would suffice but not an actual bra or crop top

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 06/02/2019 10:41

Not unreasonable. At 9 my dd is too old to be flashing her chest. It’s not about male attention. It’s about what’s appropriate.

Seeline · 06/02/2019 10:41

Mrs Worcester As I said in my post, at that age most of the girls in my DDs class wore them because in a mixed changing environment, they felt more comfortable wearing them. No physical need.

Bryjam · 06/02/2019 10:42

None of the girls in question have anything resembling actual breasts, They are all skinny or muscular wee things.

How on earth do you know this Confused

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:43

I can understand it being reasonable at 9 for girls who have started growing breasts. But again none of these girls who were told to cover up have.
If that was the case surely the way to go about it would be to have a discreet word with that child's parents rather than a blanket rule for all.
Now my DD thinks she has to cover up her non existent breasts.

OP posts:
steppemum · 06/02/2019 10:44

well, I'm torn atcually.

Most of dds class agd 9 hd the beginning of breast, they were no longer flat. But that does not mean they need a bra.

On the other hand, if that is the case, it is probably appropriate for them not to be showing then during pe.

I think it would be better phrased - everyone needs to be appropriated dressed for pe, if your T-shirt isn't long enough to tuck in, then a vest/crop top might be a good idea.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:44

@Bryjam quite simply because my DD told me who was in the group of 5 girls and I know them all.

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 06/02/2019 10:45

I wore a bra at 9. A lot of girls do.

Marcipex · 06/02/2019 10:45

I cringe for a particular child in our primary, who is very overweight and bulging in a white polo shirt. I wish someone could say something to her or her parents.
Maybe this was an attempt to tactfully do that.

Sakura7 · 06/02/2019 10:47

I don't really see the problem. It may only be an issue for some of the girls now but it's only a matter of time for the others. Better to encourage them all now rather than having some of them feeling left out/wondering why their friends have them, etc. Or singling out the girls who obviously need them. Kids don't like being different from their friends at that age, so I think the teacher's approach is sensible.

RiverTam · 06/02/2019 10:48

DD is 9, never wears a vest and is as flat as she was at 4. She would not be wearing a crop top, and I would say so, firmly, to any teacher that requested her to.

as for too old to be flashing her chest - fuck right off with that. Flashing? JFC.

Marcipex · 06/02/2019 10:49

I realise all the girls involved are thin/flat chested. I'm not disputing your knowledge of the group.
I do think staff may want to introduce and normalise the idea though, rather than speak to one child.

FortunesFave · 06/02/2019 10:50

Make an appointment to see that teacher AND the HT and demand that they put guidelines in place which do not allow for any more sexualising of CHILDREN and that if anyone looks at a flat child's chest and sees something sexual in it then THEY ARE THE PROBLEM.

Not the child's body.

DO it OP. Stop this in it's tracks now. It's disgusting as you've realised.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:52

I just don't think it's the teachers call to be honest.

DD did ask for some crop tops at the start of current school year, Not a problem. She stopped wearing them as she found them uncomfortable.
Fair enough.

She's got years ahead of her for wearing uncomfortable undergarments (if she chooses)

And as I've already stated none of the girls are in 'need' of support as yet.

OP posts:
twoshedsjackson · 06/02/2019 10:52

It's still quite early in the school year; your daughter could be older Y4, or one of the younger Y5's, in which case it's not unknown for puberty to kick in; more than once, I was startled at the changes over the Easter holidays; something seemed to kick in as the days grew longer.....I agree with other PP's, teacher is probably mentioning it as a general thing, to avoid singling out early starters.

bingoitsadingo · 06/02/2019 10:53

YANBU

I was a late developer and I found crop tops really annoying. They never seemed to stay in place well (nor did my first couple of bras) as there's nothing to hold them there! They always rode up.

So no, I would take a dim view of schools insisting on this.

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