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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9 year old daughter told to wear sports bra/crop top

252 replies

movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:29

DD came to me last night saying that she needed a sports bra or crop top for P.E in the future as the teacher had told this to a group of girls who had been doing gymnastics and their tshirts had fallen down when doing handstands .

I can only assume this is to cover up their 9 year old nipples for fear of...........what exactly?

Are the boys to cover their nipples also?

AIBU to be cross about this?

OP posts:
elemenopeee · 06/02/2019 12:47

Breasts obviously, not breaths

Frainbreeze · 06/02/2019 12:56

If that was the case surely the way to go about it would be to have a discreet word with that child's parents rather than a blanket rule for all.

This would ensure said child, being the only one wearing a crop top, would garner lots of attention. DD was bra'd by 9.

creamcheeseandlox · 06/02/2019 12:57

My dd is 9 in year 5 and she said that boys and girls will be separated for getting changed for pe towards the end of the year. She doesn't wear any crop tops etc and has only budded on one side but she is already a bit self conscious about her body and holds a towel when getting changed for swimming but hasn't said she wants actual crop tops yet.

JacquesHammer · 06/02/2019 12:59

This would ensure said child, being the only one wearing a crop top, would garner lots of attention. DD was bra'd by 9

So you think girls that don’t want one should be forced to wear a bra/crop top because your DD had to?

My DD was in a bra by 9. She couldn’t have cared less that she was the only one. She’d have been mortified to be the reason for crazy, sweeping rules.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 13:03

@Jacques exactly! Where would that kind of nonsense end?

Sophie is dairy free so no milk for any of you!

Kevin has sensory issues and needs to wear a cashmere beanie at all times, So all of you have to also!

OP posts:
Frainbreeze · 06/02/2019 13:04

No, I do think blanket advice is better than singling out. 9 year old boys wouldn't be paying attention either.

blackteasplease · 06/02/2019 13:05

I'm a bit torn. Dds whole class were told to bring roll on deodorant for pe to avoid singling out one or two. So I can see the logic.

But at the same time it does seem to objectify them to suggest there's anything wrong with 9yo nipples on show.

EyeOfTheTigger · 06/02/2019 13:06

Maybe the boys in the class are acting in an immature way and pointing and sniggering when they see the girls nipples exposed. Let's face it, girls don't have to have actual breasts for boys to be silly. Yes the teacher could tell the boys to behave, but who knows how they will act once out of sight of the teacher. It may be that the teacher wants to ensure the girls don't get ridiculed/bullied/humiliated and this is one way to do it. If you're going to approach the teacher then do it in a manner of wanting to understand the reason behind the request, rather than go in all guns blazing.

blackteasplease · 06/02/2019 13:07

Oh I should have said this is a yr 5 class, do aged 10 and 9 for the younger ones.

JacquesHammer · 06/02/2019 13:07

It may be that the teacher wants to ensure the girls don't get ridiculed/bullied/humiliated and this is one way to do it

So if this is the case, Girls told to “cover up” because boys can’t behave? Hmm

WarCat · 06/02/2019 13:08

Yanbu. How sad they are being dictated what to wear at only 9

Nanny0gg · 06/02/2019 13:09

Back in the day they'd all have been wearing vests anyway, boys and girls alike.

FrancisCrawford · 06/02/2019 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 13:10

So if this is the case, Girls told to “cover up” because boys can’t behave? hmm

And so it begins @Jacques........at 9 years of age.

OP posts:
Fazackerley · 06/02/2019 13:11

just buy a crop top and then leave it up to your dd if she wants to wear it or not.

Dimsumlosesum · 06/02/2019 13:11

I remember some of the boys already at that age talking about wanking, older girls breasts etc. Fucking sick they were so young, when I think about it. Don't know how id feel about my daughter's having to cover up to protect themselves being stared at by 9 year old boys. There's something wrong with that, isn't there?

mayathebeealldaylong · 06/02/2019 13:11

Doesn't she have a vest on? Tucked in her knickers?
All my boys wore vest still do.

Boulardii · 06/02/2019 13:12

*Sophie is dairy free so no milk for any of you!

Kevin has sensory issues and needs to wear a cashmere beanie at all times, So all of you have to also!*

Not exact parallel situations though; the whole class are not due to develop a dairy intolerance or sensory issues at some point in the next few years.

I think singling out can be hard to take.
I think the pe kit could be reviewed so that it isn’t floppy t shirts which fall down.. kids could have a choice of leggings and can tuck their top in.

Primary school pe kits are often inadequate; baggy shorts standing around in winter are just not fair. I think schools could be a bit more flexible about pe kit.

CurtainsOpen · 06/02/2019 13:13

Is this "teacher has suggested wearing a crop top" or "evil teacher has said tits are bad and boys will rape you"

minisoksmakehardwork · 06/02/2019 13:14

Yanbu. Same as telling them to wear shorts under their skirts when they do cartwheels.

Dd has chosen to wear a crop top since she was 9. But she was told to wear shorts under her skirt for doing cartwheels in the playground.

The action I took was to ask whether this was school or personal policy. It appears it was personal.

I suggested that if they were going to shame girls into covering up then they also needed to deal with those who were doing the sharing in the first place as it was unacceptable.

And as my children are all gymnasts (boys and girls), I reminded the school that gymnasts wear a whole lot less when performing. Including not wearing underwear under their leotards (again, boys and girls).

Nothing more was said and I have educated my children on appropriate behaviour in changing areas with regards to others.

GerryblewuptheER · 06/02/2019 13:14

Yanbu the school shouldn't be telling girls to wear bras or crop tops.

But also parents shouldn't be putting arbitary age limits on things when it exacerbates a child's embarrassment and discomfort.

If everyone's happy and comfortable that's what's important.

Just don't be the parent who refuses cos of misconceptions about a short vest and leaves their kid feeling embarrassed cos their chest can be seen through school shirts and theres some weird restriction on what's deemed appropriatespeaks from experience

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 13:16

@CurtainsOpen exactly what the teacher said was posted earlier.

OP posts:
Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 13:18

@GerryblewuptheER don't worry, I won't be that parent :)
(Excellent username by the way)

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 06/02/2019 13:19

My niece is now 13 but had b/c cup breasts at 9, she was very much still a baby but looked like a woman. She started her periods at almost 10.
She is still growing and has a massive bust for a young girl and her older sister is very jealous.

My dd is 8 next week and in year 3. They get changed together as a class until year 4 where they then separate.
Dd said that most of the girls ( including her when she chooses to ) have crop tops on or as they call them- bras.
If my dd doesn't wear a crop top she wears a vest, always has done and so do her friends.

MrsArthurShappey · 06/02/2019 13:19

Maybe the boys in the class are acting in an immature way and pointing and sniggering when they see the girls nipples exposed.

Then the boys need to be told to shut the fuck up! Yet again this is girls being expected to modify their behaviour and/or clothing rather than boys being taught to be respectful.