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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9 year old daughter told to wear sports bra/crop top

252 replies

movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:29

DD came to me last night saying that she needed a sports bra or crop top for P.E in the future as the teacher had told this to a group of girls who had been doing gymnastics and their tshirts had fallen down when doing handstands .

I can only assume this is to cover up their 9 year old nipples for fear of...........what exactly?

Are the boys to cover their nipples also?

AIBU to be cross about this?

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 07/02/2019 12:44

Who would be a teacher?

elemenopeee · 07/02/2019 16:24

@PrismGuile

A C-cup is actually usually very small. Perhaps you don’t know that the volume of a bra cup changes according to the band size. So if you have a 28C bra then the breast volume is much, much less than a 38C bra.

Original poster
movinonup · 07/02/2019 16:45

I'm glad that most posters can see my point of view.
As for who would be a teacher....
People that realise that their job is to teach not parent perhaps?
That if they feel there is a concern to be addressed they should contact the parent and let them address it.
(obviously not in cases of suspected abuse/neglect...before someone starts!)

OP posts:
Loftyswops988 · 07/02/2019 17:40

As the email you received back from the school said, the teacher merely suggested they might want to cover up. Which makes it seem some girls were trying to pull their tops back down etc. and your daughter has taken it as they were told they need to wear crop tops. When I was 9 i would also have taken a suggestion from a teacher as something i most definitely needed to do.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 07/02/2019 17:42

Sounds fair to me actually
I would assume good intent here

Original poster
movinonup · 07/02/2019 19:43

@Loftyswops988 that is exactly what has happened here. Teachers word is law, Never mind what Mummy says :)

OP posts:
81Byerley · 07/02/2019 19:55

The teacher probably sees a safeguarding issue. I know these are little girls who don't need them just yet, but I'd just get a crop top for her. In the next year some of the children will start to develop. This will prevent any girl being accidentally exposed when that happens.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 07/02/2019 20:03

I don’t think teachers should be telling primary school children what underwear to wear, especially not bras as all girls develop at different times. What an inappropriate and intrusive request.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/02/2019 20:11

Some people are missing the point that some of the children were uncomfortable with the tops exposing them.

For some parents they would have been none the wiser that their DC would be uncomfortable in situations like this, songood on the teacher saying something.

Your DC may not have been bothered but clearly some children were.

I started my periods at 9 and had pubic hair, however no breasts and was extreamly self aware of my body changing.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/02/2019 20:29

"As for who would be a teacher....
People that realise that their job is to teach not parent perhaps?"

Ha ha ha. Look at all the things parents expect teachers to do - they go much further than just teaching. I bet you'd be the first to complain if the teacher decided she no longer had a duty of care.

Original poster
movinonup · 07/02/2019 23:02

@Gwenhwyfar What things do parents expect teachers to do? Haven't the foggiest idea of what you are talking about. Surely they just expect their children to be taught whilst being kept safe, Of contact the parent with any concerns but I really don't know what you mean by that comment.

I don't expect the teachers at DD's school to parent her at all.
I expect them to have a duty of care as in keep her safe, That is all.
As for me being the first to complain, Not sure how in the world you could know that.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2019 08:23

Movinonup - so many things that don't come under teaching. Telling children to wash hands after toilet, give children their medication, put suntan lotion on them, help them eat, keep track of their allergies, so so many things that are not just arrive at the classroom, teach and leave.

Namestheyareachangin · 08/02/2019 09:28

@Yura

Who the hell sends their kid to school without any pants??? Hmm

ichifanny · 08/02/2019 09:31

My skinny 8 year old has breast buds and the beginnings of breasts so I bought her tops to make her feel a bit more confident when doing PE so breasts are certainly beginning at that stage .

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 08/02/2019 09:33

I think it's reasonable. You can't teach kids to have respect and privacy for others' bodies but then expect them not to cover their private parts. I had small breasts at 9 and wore either a crop top or trainer bar, I would have felt very self conscious about showing my nipples, especially to boys.

RiverTam · 08/02/2019 09:59

Choc and that was your personal decision to make.

Faultymain5 · 08/02/2019 20:15

Does no-one's child wear vests? It's pretty cold outside and right now mine is wearing those stupid (Not holding anything) crop tops and a vest.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/02/2019 23:26

Mine wear vests, my ( always chilly) 14 year old wears them over a bra, as do I. We love vests here. I wear vests most of the year as I am always cold and that thin extra layer helps.
The thing with the teacher suggesting a crop top due to tops riding up, is that if a girl is pre puberty then the crop top will ride up too, if she has her arms up above her head.

SarahB8 · 10/02/2019 01:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aussieparent · 11/02/2019 00:27

Great post to bring attention to the biasness and objectification of young women in our society. I have a 9yo daughter and if I was in your position I would have walked to the PE teacher the next day and gave them a piece of my mind. How dare they sexualize a 9yo innocent child. My daughter wears a tshirt to her PE class and she hasn't budged yet she also goes to our local pool with just her bottoms sometimes. We need to teach our daughters not to be ashamed of their bodies and be 2nd fiddle to boys. I'm sorry dear your experience really peeved me

Maymay86 · 11/02/2019 20:41

First time poster here just for this thread! This happened to me when I was 9. A male teacher took me to one side to tell me he had been watching me in PE and I should start wearing a bra. I was mortified. I was already very aware I was an early developer and was horrified people were looking at me and making judgments on my body. The bloody male gaze! I think it effected my body image for years. I’m so sad to hear of it happening again.

Skittlesss · 11/02/2019 22:08

My MIL told me off for letting my 6yr old DD go swimming in her bikini bottoms only - she didn’t want to wear her top.

  1. She was 6. What’s the issue? My 5 yr old lad wears bottoms only as well.
  2. Why am I to blame? It was DDs decision and my DH and I thought it was ok.
SleepOhHowIMissYou · 11/02/2019 22:32

I had this with my daughter a few years back in year 5. A foot taller than her classmates and beanpole thin, I was approached by her teacher to ask if I could buy her a bra because her breasts were 'distracting' the boys. In fact, I had already bought her some (the M&Co softies, B cup) but she hated them and found them uncomfortable so refused to wear them. To my shame, I tried to get her to wear them but she dug in her heels and refused point blank. When the teacher approached me again with the same request, it was only then that I told her that this was the boy's problem to deal with, not my daughter's, and they had just better get used to dealing with people with breasts. Women have breasts. That's life! Get on with it! Grow up!

Didn't go down well, but why should my daughter wear something she didn't want to because the boys couldn't cope with a pair of unfettered B cup breasts under a school shirt?

Oh, and yes, for clarification, I am a feminist....but not a misandrist I might add.

Nowadays, my daughter won't leave the house without a push-up bra. Her body. Her choice.

Combineharvester · 11/02/2019 22:44

Getting confused as to what DD refers to in this post Grin

jade19 · 11/02/2019 23:11

When I was her age we were given a talk at school by our pe teachers about bras, periods ect. I think they are just getting them into the swing of being covered up and protected so they don't get embaressed cc