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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

422 replies

BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 09:23

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos AngrySad
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

OP posts:
user1466690252 · 06/02/2019 10:17

I love these threads where everyone tells the OP she is being unreasonable and she still digs her heels in grabs popcorn

Op- I have had 2 children through the school system, what you are saying is not only totally normal and age appropriate, but needs to happen in the modern age unfortunately.

You seem very highly strung, you don’t think you are a cotton wool mum but you most probably absolutely are I’m afraid

Kismetjayn · 06/02/2019 10:19

@Cheesemongery
YouTube Kids is a separate app, designed for kids. It's got nursery rhymes, episodes of shows, a 'learn and explore' section, and random tat about toys and things.

She's going to encounter it at some point, and I've never seen anything dodgy in person. I'd rather we sit on the sofa together and talk about these things as they come up than avoid it. Just how I roll.

ohthegoats · 06/02/2019 10:20

I was a better teacher when I didn't have children. So that bit's irrelevant.
I was a better teacher when I was younger and had more energy. So that bit's irrelevant.

All NQTs have 'extra support', it's a country wide mentoring system.

If the teacher knows that parents know she is getting 'extra support' beyond that, then she has a case for breach of confidentiality. I'd be fucking furious.

Sounds like your child is being taught the stuff all children are taught in reception and KS1 classes. It's important.

Regards the trip to see something at the theatre - there are kids who are scared of that stuff when they are 11. Don't let your child be that kid, they miss loads of fun stuff as a result. Build him some resilience.

cheesemongery · 06/02/2019 10:21

Just to let you all know, my then 15 year old son and 2 friends where successfully cat fished 16 years ago.

How did we know? Because our local police turned up have caught the fucking paedo in America, were contacted by the FBI as the IP address of sons friend was still on his computer.

Sadly the film of teen lads wanking is still out there and it makes me sick every single day.

My 3 year old was sitting there whilst the police explained to me, then I got my son out of bed and explained to him... honestly a 3 year old is not going to take in what happened.

goldengummybear · 06/02/2019 10:22

In all honesty do I want him to know about inappropriate touching at 5, absolutely not.

Don't most parents have the "Don't expose your private parts to other people and never touch other people's private parts " talk when their child goes to pre-school and adults aren't supervising the loos? It's not unusual for kids to know a child who has got their Willy out in the loos or whatever but they should know to avoid that kind of situation.

IWantChocolates · 06/02/2019 10:22

I hate when parents think childless teachers are in some way less able to look after children. No doubt the parents like OP at my school will like the fact that I've just had a baby, as it will bestow upon me some magical ability to teach their children that 12 years experience didn't give me. FFS. Hmm

Anyone remember the quarry film with the boy playing hide and seek and getting buried in the sand? And the one where the boots were thrown over a railway line cable and the girl screamed so hard she lost her voice? Still remember these now!

Bluedrums · 06/02/2019 10:22

As I said before my son is sensitive so I totally understand how you feel. But regarding the touching, I think this is very important for children to know. I think my ds might even have began to learn about it at nursery age. The younger they learn the more normal it is. It is something my ds thinks he has always known and is no big deal. He has a child try to pull his trousers down at school when he was 5 or 6.

User383673 · 06/02/2019 10:22

I think YABU about most of it. I don’t think he should have been made to watch the film if he was frightened, but he has to learn about stranger danger and internet safety, for his own protection. He sounds like a sensitive child which isn’t a problem in itself, but means he might need some help from you in building up his resilience.

I think you’re being unfair to his teacher. She may be young and childless, but she is fully trained. However, if you feel your son needs extra support to help him manage his anxieties in school this is something you should discuss with her. She may be able to help advise on strategies you can work on with him.

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2019 10:23

I am pretty sure the NSPCC no longer talk about “stranger danger”

I would be amazed if the teacher used the word “weirdos”

And did you give permission for him to see a PG film?

ForLifeNotJustChristmas · 06/02/2019 10:23

Does anyone else remember this?

goldengummybear · 06/02/2019 10:23

With regards to the theatre did you know that it was Beauty and the Beast? Many 5 year olds will have seen the films loads of times and I understand that the theatre can be more intense that tv or cinema so I would have picked him up early tbh.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 10:24

My ds knows about not going off with people and knows not to talk to people he doesn’t know unless I’m there or someone he knows is there. He’s known and been told this since around the age of 3. But from what he’s telling me the teacher is telling him that these people are dangerous and will harm him, is there really any need for that? Again at age 5? He wants to know why and where someone is going to touch him? Again I am no mollycoddler never have been. But why the hell should he know why a stranger wouldn’t want to touch his penis???? Seriously I must be completely missing something here. I’m not about to explain the mind of a paedophile to my 5 year old Angry

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 10:25

I don't think people are saying don't speak to staff over it but more so it's asking for advice/help from them that all guns blazing

This, I think you'll also see with some reflection, that if a class full of five year olds handle it just fine, but one child doesn't, then pretending the teachers age or parental status is someone to blame, isn't right.

It's a fait accompli. You took the unusual step of avoiding these subjects with your child resulting in it being a shock to him, so the action now is how do you help him and fix this, not kick off they shouldn't teach the others.

I think I would accept personal responsibility here, say yeah, I wrapped him in cotton wool and he's now paying the price, how do I help him,

Not speaking to him about these things was clearly done with the best of intentions, , but has done him no favours, wrapping them up in cotton wool seldom does.

theworldistoosmall · 06/02/2019 10:26

ForLifeNotJustChristmas - I remember that one and other stay save ones. Often shown between the kids shows.

trulybadlydeeply · 06/02/2019 10:26

I agree with all PP who have said that he absolutely needs to hear about all this stuff, and that the earlier it becomes part of the dialogue between home/child/school, the more likely it will be that a child will feel able to raise concerns.

However I also appreciate that your child is particularly anxious, and that all this is having a significant effect on him. A PP mentioned social stories, and I think they could be really beneficial for him. As the teacher if she can work with you on reducing his anxiety, and let you know if something is coming up, whether it is a trip or awareness raising. You can then work together to build a social story - outlining what is going to happen, what he can do if he feels a bit anxious etc. Both you and the school can go through this with him often before the event. Social stories are frequently used for children with autism and learning disabilities so the school should be accustomed to doing them, if not they can access appropriate guidance and resources.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 10:27

Again I am no mollycoddler never have been

Oh dear op, I think you need to accept you are. And of course he needs to know that his private's are private and no one should touch there and if they do to tell.

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2019 10:27

The NSPCC will not have talked about “stranger danger”.

How do you know the NSPCC did the assembly?

rainbowunicorn · 06/02/2019 10:27

OP Why on earth do you not want him to know about inappropriate touching at age 5, do you not watch/read the news. If your child does not know about it and someone does touch him he won't know what to do.
Don't think that because he is only 5 that he is never out of your sight and is safe at school. These things can happen anywhere, school, clubs, out at the shops while you are distracted. There was a case recently where a 5 or 6 year old girl was sexually assaulted by 2 11 year old boys in the playground at her school at break time. Luckily she knew what to do and reported it. Would your child?

ForLifeNotJustChristmas · 06/02/2019 10:28

My ds knows about not going off with people and knows not to talk to people he doesn’t know unless I’m there or someone he knows is there. He’s known and been told this since around the age of 3. But from what he’s telling me the teacher is telling him that these people are dangerous and will harm him, is there really any need for that? Again at age 5? He wants to know why and where someone is going to touch him? Again I am no mollycoddler never have been. But why the hell should he know why a stranger wouldn’t want to touch his penis???? Seriously I must be completely missing something here. I’m not about to explain the mind of a paedophile to my 5 year old

You don't need to be graphic, and I doubt the spcc was. They probably said something along the lines of: It is not OK for adults or children to touch us if it makes us feel uncomfortable. Nobody should touch you where your pants cover. Tell somebody if they do.

Nobody is explaining paedophilic mindset to 5 year olds.

IceRebel · 06/02/2019 10:28

He wants to know why and where someone is going to touch him?

Surely they're just following the PANTS guidelines? Some areas of our body are private, and it makes sense to equip children with this knowledge. There's a huge difference between being touched on the arm and being touched in a private area.

I’m not about to explain the mind of a paedophile to my 5 year old

Slight over reaction there, as that's not what the school / NSPCC are doing either.

theworldistoosmall · 06/02/2019 10:29

You are a mollycoddler though op. It's not about getting in the mind of a paedophile it's about explaining that some people want to touch various parts. The extension from this also includes none strangers. Children have inquisitive minds and will always question.

goldengummybear · 06/02/2019 10:29

Again I am no mollycoddler never have been

Think this is the most surprising but if your post.

x2boys · 06/02/2019 10:29

No.I can't remember the nuclear war one DontMakeMe but I did see the film "Threads" which absolutely terrified me.

Moondancer73 · 06/02/2019 10:30

YABU. He's five and he certainly needs to learn about stranger danger - to be honest you should have already taught him but I'm guessing that you haven't so I don't think you can blame the school for doing your job!
Since he's so sensitive maybe he'd be better suited to home schooling, it sounds like he's going to need wrapping in cotton wool being that's what you appear to have done so far.

Sirzy · 06/02/2019 10:30

Ahh I love this type thread. So sure they are right you have to wonder why they needed to ask in the first place