To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

[BettyBoo246]

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

You are being very, very unreasonable.

Concentrate on his sensitivities and talk to school / doctor about resilience, most schools have a go between( cant remember job title).
As for some comments NSPCC do stranger danger talks ( personally wasn't too impressed by it).

To be honest isn't it slightly young to be teaching 5 years olds about internet weirdos? Stranger danger is something we learnt at school at that age but isn't this a bit young concerning the internet? Who lets a 5 five year old online in the first place?
Are people really letting children have mobiles that young that have internet access?????
Perhaps it's the manner in which they were taught that is the issue though. You need to take it up with the teacher if it's having that much of an effect on him. It's one thing to warn children quite another to put the fear into them..fear creates obedience or something?
Maybe fear is good though if it gets the massage through but done in moderation!
But I think you do need to have a word with the teacher though.

If this was the reverse and you had found out your sons night terrors were due to being abused, god forbid. Or he has been abducted, you're or the news making an appeal to come home and then slanderingthe school for notvtraching him the dangers.

Learning these things is absolutely age appropriate, as soon as possible. Surely you would want to do absolutely everything to eliminate the risk of harm to your child!?

YABVU

It must be awful to see your child so distressed. It seems to have really rattled the poor little thing.
I’m sure this stuff is a part of the curriculum, and delivered in the most age appropriate way possible, however there is obviously no pleasant way to tell little children the horrible things that can happen in the world. If he is of school age, then he unfortunately needs to have some awareness of stranger danger etc, because unfortunately you can’t be with him all the time, but having said that, there is no point in making him so anxious that he doesn’t want to leave the house! I don’t see the problem in pointing out to the teacher that is is feeling incredibly anxious, they obviously can’t change the curriculum, but they may be able to give you some advice on how to manage his anxiety or put you in contact with the school counsellor.
And as for the people giving you a hard time about pointing out the teacher is young and inexperienced, I can totally see that may be a worry for you. I don’t think you were trying to put her down. You were just pointing out that perhaps she has hasn’t come across a really anxious child before, and doesn’t have tears of experience on navigating her way around this situation.

I really don’t understand the people having a go at you in this respect.
Sometimes some mumsnetters can be super judgemental.
Good luck with your beautiful boy xox

Poor little soul

@sch1968 ‘Not at all scarily’ I understand that this is the intention, but. And I’m sure all of the teachers aim to make it the least distressing as possible, but the thought of someone taking you away from your Mum and Dad is pretty bloody scary as a 5 year old. I’m not suggesting that these children should be oblivious to the danger or not armed with strategies to protect themselves ( all of the people saying ‘would you just prefer your child to be kidnapped’ know that’s a ridiculous thing to suggest, and are just being pains in the arse tbh) but my point is you have to be mindful that this is distressing content, and some children are going to struggle, and these children need to be supported. And people saying it’s not the teachers responsibility, I would beg to differ. I know that teachers are overwhelmed by everything that is expected of them, however I think good teachers need to support the child as a whole. And their mental health is an important part of that. ( and yes anxiety disorders can start this young)
I think mumsnet needs to focus more on supporting each other as mums, rather than just pointing out that they’re unreasonable

I think perhaps this is a good opportunity to build some resilience with him. He has to learn these things. I started stranger danger with my daughter when she was 3, as young as she could possibly understand because she NEEDS to know that not everyone has her best interests at heart.

Shes in reception and so far they've spoke about stranger danger, emergency services and what to do in the case of a fire, the PANTS campaign, which again I teach her anyway, online safety etc.

Your son needs to know this, earlier the better. You need to help him understand that while it doesn't mean any of it will happen to him, it's important he knows what to do if it does. Teach him to be resilient.

Viviane- I see a lot of parents letting kids have a go on their phones. It's a common sight to see this with kids in pushchairs. Kids that age won't be reading in game messages but it's very possible that they'd click a link or something.

I think that smartphone ownership starts later but it's very common for kids to have a personal tablet by school age. I think that online is very different once you know how to read and you need to know Internet safety before this happens. I sometimes babysit my neighbours y1 dd and the subject of not reading the comments section on YouTube because of mean comments and links that are trying to trick you popped up.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm a mum of 4 and my eldest twin had a fire safety talk last year and she started with night terrors. She was wandering around the house at night putting blankets and towels under doors and turning off plug sockets. Her twin was totally fine and this was year 5. She's being assessed for autism soon.

I think these things need to be taught but I wish we were given a heads up so we can have a discussion first to reduce her anxiety.

My DD1 was much the same - pantomimes, police safety talks at school, topics such as Florence Nightingale and the war, Father Christmas - all traumatised her. She is 15 now, and still won't sit on the end of the row if we go to a pantomime (but she does want to go)! You have to help them push on through this, make sure the school is aware so that they can approach things sensitively - but work together on building his resilience. Talk to him about how bad dreams are the brain's way of sorting out worries - we found that very helpful too.

Ok OP.

YANBU. Your son should have special one-to-one treatment from the teacher, but preferably an older teacher who has had lots of kids so has some empathy. He should be exempt from all lessons and assemblies which help him learn about safety in case he ends up having months of sleepless nights; the other children should be warned about talking to him about it. The whole class should only be taken to see plays or movies that are aimed at 3-year-olds so that your DS can feel safe. The heartless young teacher should have everything about her teacher training shared publicly and should probably be publicly reprimanded, although your DS shouldn't attend this as he might find it upsetting.

Or what do you suggest because you clearly think YANBU?

@thelitledoglaughed if all you have to offer on this thread is your sarcasm and belittling perhaps you could use your time more productively somewhere else?
I thought this was a place to offer advice, not just mock worried mums

@tinklylittlelaugh, thank you. If all people have to offer is sarcasm or shaming spelling or grammar mistakes, perhaps they could use their time more productivity on a different thread.

Mine had daily homework in kindergarten (reception) that they needed to access via internet. So learning sites where the school had registered and paid, gave kid a log in and password to use so that all homework was visibly to the teacher.

Obviously, you don’t want to sit next to your child at this age while they plod along doing maths or reading eggs or what not on the computer or tablet. That’s a risk factor in becoming an alcoholic, so you leave them to it at the table while you prepare dinner or something equally as dull but yet infinitely more exciting than watching the painful process of reception maths and reading homework (but are there in case help is required).

Given this is the age the kids are using the internet now it’s not unreasonable to be starting safety talks at this age.

Our school lets us know about internet safety sessions (along with sex ed etc) in the weekly newsletter, and usually reasonably ahead of time. Also a little slip comes home if they are watching anything PG rather than a U. Also a brief layout of what they're learning this term is on the website, so we have plenty of opportunity and time if we wanted to chat to teachers about anything.

Did the school not inform you? You could ask them to let you know of any potentially upsetting material coming up, if you give them examples of what worries your DS? They wouldn't want him to be worried or scared.

YAB a little U to be angry about it. It's just learning. YABVU about the teacher bit. One of my boys teachers has resigned after two years of that kind of judgemental attitude. Bit like bullying really.

Firstly, i am disgusted by some of the comments. I thought this was a safe place to share your concerns. The poor child was very affected by this.

In my experience Young teachers are fabulous so dont dismiss their abilities. These lessons need to be taught and nobody could have predicted your sons reaction, not even you so maybe work with the school to find out more about the curriculum and upcoming events. Volunteer as a parent helper for trips where you think your child may become anxious. Dont be angry, get involved. Sensitive kids can be prepped for situations but only you know best how do that

aariah08 well I thought the OP asked for opinions? But has then argued against every one of them. So I said what I think she wants to hear. Take your twisted knickers somewhere else.

To those who think the internet safety talk was inappropriate, in my school, we had a case of a Year 4 child groomed on a child aimed app and sent penis pictures. In my opinion, it’s imperative that we teach even the youngest of children how to navigate the internet safely in an age appropriate way.

OP I know you’ve taken a bit of a bashing here, but your son does sound more sensitive than most. Speak to the school about how to support him going to forward to manage his anxieties but don’t blame the teacher who is very unlikely to have made the decision to deliver that content herself. Content which does seem appropriately pitched.

Ill agree that the school trip and the school assembly were all very appropriate.

I do sympathise with your DS being scared of everything.
My dd at 4 was scared of nothing. The scarier the better. Dragons, monsters, ghosts, witches....she loved all of it.
Then tragically, 2 of her friends died within 3 months of each other. Both sisters). At first she seemed to take this in her stride. We talked about the fact that maybe they'd turned into animals or butterflies that had flown away etc.

6 months later she started having night terrors and horrible horrible nightmares. She went from a great sleeper to me having to lie with her on her bed until she was asleep.
I tried everything. In the end we sat down and I asked if she could remember any of the more scary nightmares. She told me she'd had a few about a 'Red Witch'. I asked her to draw the witch as best she could. She did (if did look bloody scary!). Anyway, we discussed her, then I asked my dd to rip the picture up into as many pieces she could. She did. Then we both took all the pieces, scrunched them up and put them in the bin. I said something like - "See she's rubbish! She can't scare you now, she in the bin!". This made dd laugh.
The nightmares virtually stopped overnight.

Within another few months dd was back to being bold again.

Now my dd is a 14 year old. We've just been through a horrendous period of 'background anxiety' that was manifesting itself as panic attacks with visual disturbances.
I'm trying to treat it in a similar way. We talk a lot. Sometimes she's writing sentences and lists of random things that worry her and she's throwing them away.

Fingers crossed we'll get past this too.

@BettyBoo246 does your son have asthma?
I ask because my son went from being a really happy, bouncy child to being anxious and frightened of everything. He couldn't watch Octonaughts on CBeebies as it was too scary. All U rated films had him hiding his face, terrified. Night terrors started and tantrums.

After a long, long, LONG time we worked out this was an adverse reaction to his asthma medication. Montelukast / Singular - prescribed as granules or tablets. The list of possible side-effects is long and he suffered a lot.

Coming off them resolved the night terrors and his anxiety levels dropped off slowly. We would NEVER have suspected a medication for asthma to affect his mind. So please look at any medicines he might be taking and see if they could be having an effect.

One other thing could be the anxiety over you having a new baby on top of another sibling. He feels he is sliding down the pecking order of love (even though you know he is not). It could be troubling him. Having one-to-one time without the others about will comfort him that he is valued (not saying you don't already).

@TheLittleDogLaughed for the record I have not argued with every pp that has told me I’m wrong at all. I’ve already admitted I shouldn’t have been so patronising about the teacher, I’ve also said I will talk to his teacher about his anxieties at home to see if they are concerned/noticed. I’m not going to constantly repeat that I’ve not wrapped him in cotton wool to each pp. my child is sensitive was born this way however he is struggling with his anxiety levels and struggling to manage his feelings, I accept I need to help him find coping strategies for these as I’ve also previously stated. I will NEVER tell him at this age or any age that he needs to toughen up we had a close family friend (male) who some years ago committed suicide, things might have been different for him if he didn’t feel society saw male anxiety/depression as a weakness.
So take you and your pedestal elsewhere and get back to your perfectly parented children.

OP,the school is doing their job.And actually most Moms have already discussed "stranger danger" etc before they even go to school. Take a big 'ol deep breath and enjoy being a mom.Bc right now your son is picking up on your stress.
Don't keep bugging his teacher and school it's not necessary.

BettyBoo246 nothing at all in my post warranted an attack on me personally from you. You know nothing about me or my life. When did I say I had perfectly parented children? Where did I say that a child needs to 'toughen up?' I didn't.

I asked you to consider what you are actually asking for and how do you think that a school can provide for it?

FYI I have a dd with severe anxiety who, at 16, is in a medical PRU for kids with anxiety. I don't put any of this down to the school, the teachers or the curriculum. You may have to accept that your DS does not fit into the mainstream and stop blaming others for this.

Our school recently ran a short presentation for parents about the curriculum teachings for Health and Relationship Education. It was very reassuring in that it appeared robust but age appropriate, simple things like knowing the correct words for private parts and being confident to speak to someone you trust.

If your school hasn’t done similar it may be worth suggesting to the HT or learning mentor lead? Then you’ll be (and other concerned parents!) will be prepared in what’s being covered, and the teacher isn’t having to contact you individually?