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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

422 replies

BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 09:23

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos AngrySad
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 06/02/2019 10:30

Have you looked at the PANTS stuff yourself OP? I doubt the school were saying what you think they have.

It's very age appropriate.

BobLemon · 06/02/2019 10:31

You are 100% right, OP

You ARE “completely missing something here”.

Mushroomsarehorrible · 06/02/2019 10:31

also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising

Oh the irony Hmm

derxa · 06/02/2019 10:32

My son came out of school before Xmas with a huge abrasion and cut on his face from being thrown on the floor by another child, her response was boys will be boys! Seriously I’m not a helicopter mum nor do I wrap him in cotton wool. Sorry but I don't believe this.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 06/02/2019 10:34

My nearly 5 year old ds is doing sex abuse awareness v soon so if your curriculum is the same id be prepared for that aswell.Hes my first (and last) and I must admit I was a bit Confused but I suppose it's important in this day and age as is internet danger.

PregnantSea · 06/02/2019 10:34

I don't see a problem with any of this.

Your son will probably become less sensitive to these things as he gets older

PBobs · 06/02/2019 10:35

I love it when yet another parent claims you have to be a parent to be able to teach.

notacooldad · 06/02/2019 10:35

First of all my second lad was a worried and over thought everything.
If i went to the school everytime he got anxious or upset over something I would never have left the premises. So I listened to his concerns and talked through them with him and over time built his confidence up.
Secondly, I think it is great they are doing internet safety at that age.i will put my house on it being age appropriate. Have a look at 'Think U know' know website. There is a section for 5-7 year olds. I bet the content either came from their or the NSPCC one.
With regard to inappropriate touching, in the past when i worked with young children ( I work with teenagers now) it was the ones that had no education about things being inappropriate that were the worse behaved. Not because they were naughty kids but they hadn't been taught certain things was wrong. So if they did something inappropriate they would get a reaction from the other children, maybe a laugh or rhey woukd egg them on to do something else. Poor kids didn't always realise what was wrong.

I understand about your kid being over anxious, your job is to build him up, develop resilience, reassure him talk through issues etc.
You can't change the curriculum but you can support his reaction to it.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 06/02/2019 10:35

But why the hell should he know why a stranger wouldn’t want to touch his penis???? Seriously I must be completely missing something here. I’m not about to explain the mind of a paedophile to my 5 year old

He doesn't need to know exactly why ffs. He just needs to know that his penis is his private area and other people aren't allowed to touch him there.

MilkybarsROnMe · 06/02/2019 10:36

I don’t agree with you mentioning the teacher is young and has no children, what has that got to do with anything?

Your son needs to learn about stranger danger and internet safety and if it scares him a little then so be it. I remember in the 80s the police coming into school to talk about stranger danger and making us watch a video, scared the life out of me but it did mean I didn’t talk to strangers! It worked and I remember it 30 years on.

goldengummybear · 06/02/2019 10:38

Most 5 year olds will have seen a You've Been Framed type video where Dad gets hit in the crotch by a ball or something. While that is "funny" kids need to be told that doing it on purpose isn't iyswim.

Many 5 year olds will have made or heard willy jokes. Gross but normal. They need to explicitly learn that the silliness can't extend to getting their Willy out, pulling down someone's trousers, punching someone in the nuts etc

Talking about things now rather than later when it's too late is better so that kids are prepared on the off-chance that they encounter this situation. Age 7-8 is far too late as that age will be online and vulnerable.

anniehm · 06/02/2019 10:39

The issues are really important and it cannot be left to the parents because in some cases they could be letting their kids use the internet inappropriately and unfortunately the nspcc come into schools because parents do abuse their kids. My daughter was petrified for nights after the fire safety lesson (and exciting visit from the fire engine) she did get over it.

Magicpaintbrush · 06/02/2019 10:40

I think that teaching them about stranger danger and internet safety could seem scary to a 5 year old, however I think it's necessary that they are taught those things. In an ideal world they wouldn't need to be but the world can be a dangerous place. I wish they could go on in blissful unawareness of it, but it seems a sensible thing to teach them - however it should be done in a very careful way so as to make them aware without petrifying them - maybe it was the way it was worded?

On the other hand I can see how a production of beauty and the beast could be scary for a 5 year old - I know my DD would have been the same as your DS, and yes it may be a classic fairytale but seeing it is different to reading it in a book, with atmosphere and loud music etc Some kids would be ok with that and some won't. I remember going to see a production of Alice through the looking glass at about the same age and when the Jabberwocky came on stage I remember vividly being so terrified that I bawled my eyes out and tried to crawl beneath my seat. At 5 years old there are better shows they could have picked for them to go and see tbh. So I agree with you on that one.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 10:41

I do appreciate I shouldn’t be angry and probably be more concerned. I guess I feel like after the whole Panto scene where she said he was physically shaking and in her words screaming the place down I couldn’t see why he couldn’t just of left the area to calm down and then maybe returned. She knows he’s been having nightmares and night terrors for 6-7 weeks now and I would have thought that with such sensitive subjects coming up maybe like I asked she could have prewarned me.
Maybe I am being naive about the inappropriate touching and this is the right age to reach this but just it’s obviously come at a very wrong time for us.
With regards to her not having children this is something she has remarked about herself to another mum who when asked how she would feel if it was her child being bulled her reply was well I don’t have children so I don’t know.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 10:44

Op, it's a natural reaction to wish to protect our kids, but protecting them is teaching them, it's not not telling them,

There has been well documented cases of paedos reaching out via kid apps, telling them what to do, talking inappropriately, there is cases of teaching staff, baby sitters, friends of the family, family members, people who work at kids clubs touching kids inappropriately

He needs to be taught, for his sake, he is old enough and I think you know the words used will be age appropriate, they are not in there teaching about the phsycology of a paedo.

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 10:45

My 4 year old is in pre-school and he knows about stranger danger and knows the PANTS rule...YABVVVVU

it is important for chidren to learn these things.

HauntedPencil · 06/02/2019 10:45

I think it would make sense to assess school trips before and if you think that he will be that upset simply don't send him.

We have a few children that had fears of people in costumes and Santa's and they just didn't go until it had passed.

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2019 10:46

The NSPCC does not teach about stranger danger and will nor have talked about weirdos. You need to find out what happened.

HauntedPencil · 06/02/2019 10:47

The teachers do their best I'm sure but they simply can't take lots of children in and out of the foyer as they have to also montor the children inside. It does sound like he was being comforted.

Designerenvy · 06/02/2019 10:47

You obviously have your ds best interest at heart. However, protecting him from knowledge that could some day save him is wrong. He needs guidance. He needs help with his anxiety issues but sheltering him will do him no favours. Maybe look into play therapy to help him with his worries and reassure him .
Inappropriate touch is vital to know..... he will know it's wrong, say no and seek help. That's the idea of these programmes.
It's not to terrify kids, it's to arm them going forward .

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 10:49

I'd agree, I would be stunned if someone in a position of responsibility used the term weirdo. This has likely come from another kid, whose parents used the term whilst teaching them.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/02/2019 10:49

I don't think they WBU to do a panto trip or talk about Internet safety or stranger danger. If he was the only one upset then it was probably age appropriate if all the other kids were OK.

But they now need to treat him differently if he is scared in the future. For whatever reason, he reacts in a much stronger way than most children and it clearly has a very negative effect on him. They can't carry on as they are - he will just end up hating school, and I doubt he has actually learned anything as he will be too scared. There is also a danger that he is so scared that he doesn't want to use the Internet, talk to any strangers in any situation etc. They need to tone it down for him or remove him from that kind of thing completely while you work with them to build up his resiliance slowly, until he can cope. If they just carry on with their current approach it's going to cause more and more issues for your son and nobody wants that

Toooldtocareanymore · 06/02/2019 10:50

yes undoubtedly yabu

CosyToast · 06/02/2019 10:52

'With regards to her not having children this is something she has remarked about herself to another mum who when asked how she would feel if it was her child being bulled her reply was well I don’t have children so I don’t know'

If you feel that the teacher lacks empathy, say that from the start. Just because she (apparently) said she didn't have children and couldn't know what it was like, it doesn't mean the rest of us can't. It's a lazy stereotype and, like a few of us have said, it's hurtful.

EnoughSnowAlready · 06/02/2019 10:53

Do schools still teach it as stranger danger? That seems very unwise especially as children are much more likely to be abused by a family member, authority figure, neighbour or family friend. Of course they should be taught not to go off with a stranger and to be wary, but they shouldn't be going away with anyone, friend or stranger, unless their parent knows about it, and they may need help from a stranger at times.