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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

422 replies

BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 09:23

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos AngrySad
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

OP posts:
gamerchick · 06/02/2019 09:53

. I just think at 5 he doesn’t need to know that naughty people can contact him through the internet angry he hardly plays on the tablet at home as he’s more interested in writing, drawing, painting and stuff

Yes maybe but a lot of 5 yr olds are on the internet and he's a good age to learn about stranger danger, in fact maybe it should have been done earlier.

You need to find a way to help him be more resilient. Take each lesson that's scaring him and turn it into something you think more appropriate for him rather than complain to the school.

GloryforGloves · 06/02/2019 09:53

I know teaching has moved on from when I was 5

I wonder if you really remember teaching from when you were 5 as I think the messages were delivered very bluntly when I was younger. I still remember a video about not going into a construction site because little Billy got crushed. And I was I absolutely terrified of train tracks and electric pylons due to amount of children meeting their maker in fluke situations on the videos.

However the flip side is I’ve never felt the urge to climb a pylon Wink

tennisracquet · 06/02/2019 09:55

I feel the same, my child (DD5) is so anxious, conscientious and good that she does not not need to be frightened into paying attention to threats

I spend most of my time talking down threats to her! not talking them up

I found a book on this very helpful, I can't remember the title but it was like "Highly Sensitive Child"

Mabumssare · 06/02/2019 09:56

My P1 is being taught all the same things at the moment and my older DC did similar.

He also informed me this morning that there is fluoride in toothpaste which is good for teeth but not for tummies ..... didn't stop him swallowing it anyway GrinConfused

I would go on Amazon and find some age appropriate books on the subjects or on worries/fears. There are always lots of books aimed at this age group and I always find them a great way to talk these things through at home.

theworldistoosmall · 06/02/2019 09:58

Oh, Billy was scary as fuck. I'm surprised any of us went out in the late 70's/early 80's with the number of scary videos we were shown in school and tv ads lol.

You will also have anti-bullying - body changes - harmful substances - road safety amongst other things.
She hasn't pulled all this out of thin air, it's a part of the national curriculum for PSHE.

Designerenvy · 06/02/2019 09:58

I agree @GloryForGloves.
In Ireland we had an ad about fire safety....It was a young girl in a night dress leaning over the fire place to get something off it, her night dress caught fire and went up in flames ! ( that was the 80's/ late 70's).... it terrified me but I never leaned over the fire to get anything! Kept me safe !

TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/02/2019 09:58

Can we please desist from the tiresome SPAG corrections? It’s not big or clever, it makes you look like a twat and frankly, it’s just not the done thing on this board.

Topseyt · 06/02/2019 09:58

All schools teach this. The teacher has done nothing wrong.

He will have to learn to be more resilient.

It isn't uncommon for young children to be scared by the evil monsters in fairytales. They outgrow it though.

RiverTam · 06/02/2019 09:59

I also have a child who can get very frightened by this kind of thing, OP- we've pretty much stopped taking her to the cinema (she's 9).

On the one hand, this is your issue to resolve, but on the other the school should be aware that not all 5 year olds are as tough as old boots. So I would certainly make them aware.

Confusedbeetle · 06/02/2019 10:00

Some children are naturally more easily upset and frightened by these issues. It is up to the parent to help them work through their fears and become resilient. Tricky I know but the school cannot change a curriculum for one child. We all want to protect our child but a little fear is natural, it's just how we deal with it that changes. Our job as parents is to help our children deal with the world they will face

cheesemongery · 06/02/2019 10:00

My 3 year old knows about weirdos on the internet.

maybe just do painting, glueing, play and fun stuff with her?

She knows how to report something on the tablet that seems dodgy? Jesus one end of the spectrum to another.

stayathomer · 06/02/2019 10:01

However the flip side is I’ve never felt the urge to climb a pylon

I always thought those boys were such eejits to climb!!! But yes, its an ad that stuck with me!!!

blueberryporridge · 06/02/2019 10:01

Any experiences at school which mean that the child is terrified and not wanting to go to school indicate that the experiences have not been appropriate for this particular child. Telling OP that he needs to be resilient is not going to help. OP, YANBU in respect of your own child and I think you need to speak to the school so that they and you can explore strategies for helping him in this kind of situation in the future.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2019 10:01

I feel the same, my child (DD5) is so anxious, conscientious and good that she does not not need to be frightened into paying attention to threats

She does need to be taught about safety though, no matter how 'good and conscientious' she is.

If she's frightened by the examples given, it's up to you to reassure her and talk them through, but she does definitely need to be taught these things.

CandyFlossLegend · 06/02/2019 10:02

I think yesterday was an international day about internet safety. Most schools teach about stranger danger/good touches and bad touches/bullying/who to tell if you have a problem etc. It is to make them aware of their safety and protect against abuse.
The teacher had to stay with the group during the play (pupil to teacher ratio) but she did sit your child on her lap for reassurance. It was a good compromise.

It is natural to worry but all these lessons are important for preparing and empowering your child to cope in everyday situations. If your child worries and is anxious, it is good to help him find ways of expressing himself and releasing his anxiety.

poglets · 06/02/2019 10:02

Which Beauty & The Beast was it - the original animated cartoon?

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 10:02

Yes think I’ve already pointed out my own spelling mistake jenny but thanks again!

Both myself and dh have told him about stranger danger he was taught this in reception aswell but obviously in a more sensitive manner or maybe it just didn’t register with him.
In all honesty do I want him to know about inappropriate touching at 5, absolutely not. It was for the whole school assembly, so from 4 years old to 11 year olds, fine for the 7-8 year onwards but surely if it’s appropriate for 11 year olds it’s not for 4 year olds?
He’s sensitive, she knows this, I’ve told her before if there is anything coming up that she thinks he might not like then just tell me and I can prep him. This teacher has had several complaints made against her in the last few months, we have been told my the head that she is getting extra support in for herself.
My son came out of school before Xmas with a huge abrasion and cut on his face from being thrown on the floor by another child, her response was boys will be boys! Seriously I’m not a helicopter mum nor do I wrap him in cotton wool.

OP posts:
Jebuschristchocolatebar · 06/02/2019 10:03

It was national internet safety day in Ireland yesterday and my 5 year old had a lesson at school about strangers online and staying safe and always telling mum and dad. He hasn’t a clue what the teacher was on about becuase he isn’t at the stage where he uses the internet in that context but it’s a valuable lesson to learn from young. They do a stay safe programme here from day one in schools about strangers, uncomfortable touches, not keeping secrets. Op you would probably die of shock

Confusedbeetle · 06/02/2019 10:03

Try the Big book of worries. Some of my more sensitive grandchildren loved it. Children need to feel that they can control these worries and that some of them are not even their worries!

HauntedPencil · 06/02/2019 10:03

The staff haven't done anything wrong but I'd have a chat with him & them about if not angrily but mention it so they are aware, im sure the staff would be happy to have a chat with him too.

I mean the pantomime that's really not their fault it's age appropriate. I think it was better for him really to see if through and the ending and I think it sounds like they did reassure him and sit him in their lap. They wouldn't have the ratios to take every kid out that had a wobble.

Hermagsjesty · 06/02/2019 10:03

My DD (7) is also very anxious and when they watch a film etc at wet play she has special permission to use her busy book to distract her from the scary bits (she’s not able to leave the room though - as they have 30 kids to cater for). She also got very, very distraught in a session about WW1. So, I do know where you are coming from but I’m afraid I still think YABU to be angry. Stranger danger and internet safety are absolutely important topics for this age group. Talk to the teacher about how you can work together to prepare your DS and work together to support him. I don’t know if its useful but I talk to my DD a lot about how it’s okay to have strong feelings and how it’s part of what makes her special and that we can work together to control them. It might be good for you to read Matt Haig The Truth Pixie with your DS - that’s a good kids book about dealing with strong feelings and how the world is both scary and sad and wonderful all at once.

tennisracquet · 06/02/2019 10:03

Oh definitely worraLiberty I just mean I have to contextualise everything constantly for her, like "not all strangers are bad, BUT" "not all X are bad BUT" "Its highly unlikely you'll ever BUT"

she is actually very receptive to hearing about it all if she can remain calm and just discuss rather than be frightened

Kismetjayn · 06/02/2019 10:05

He absolutely should be taught about bad touches.

Would you rather he didn't know and was taken advantage of? Abusers have said categorically that they go for children who don't know as they're less risky.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2019 10:05

In all honesty do I want him to know about inappropriate touching at 5, absolutely not.

FFS why ever not??

If kids don't know something is wrong, how on earth are they going to know to tell another adult about it?

Kids who don't know about these things, are a groomer's paradise.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 06/02/2019 10:05

OP you're being overly precious and it will damage your child in the end.

You can't shelter him forever and the school have done nothing wrong.