To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

[BettyBoo246]

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

I totally understand. My ds was like this. Sometimes for things like this, where your ds needs to be treated differently to the rest of the class you are best to speak to the person who deals with additional support in the school. They may have experience of this and have suggestions of how to help your ds in future. Maybe a social story written for him before he has to see or listen to anything that may upset him.

My ds was so upset after seeing a body burning in a cartoon (was something to do with a religious funeral, maybe Buddhist) that the school had to get advice from the educational psychologist. No one else in the class was upset as far as I know. My ds also got upset at a panto once and would refuse to go to the cinema or theatre after that. But he is absolutely fine now. He grew out of it.

And Fairytales are supposed to be scary. To he blunt, that is their point. That is what they were written for - He wont go wandering in to any dark woods now will he.

Stop mollycoddling him. They are teaching him to be safe, and Beauty and the Beast is an appropriate children's film, it's not the teachers fault your son can't handle a scary part.

Talk to him, reason with why hey wouldn't be in the house at night and that you're there etc and that seeing as he's not on the internet there isn't a risk atm. And that there are no wolves in the Uk 😂

“Is this your first child by any chance?”

Oh so sneery.

And children don’t learn resilience by being terrified.

OP: maybe ‘Primary Education’ would have been a better place than AIBU.

Are they teaching your child the difference between their and they're? I'd worry more about that to be honest.

I think it might be worth having a word with the teacher to the effect that your DS is finding the scary stuff particularly upsetting, and that maybe they could do some whole-class work on managing distress.

I remember being not exactly thrilled when the fire-safety talks given to DS' Year 1 class led to weeks of nightmares. I get the impression this sort of thing isn't always handled with enough sensitivity, and that there are some people who believe that actively terrifying DC is the best way to 'keep them safe' ie ensure obedience.

Now wondering if I can blame education for my fear of the bogey man under the bed. As well as stranger danger, Charley says, also had stay safe around train lines and the dangers of lightning.

“Is this your first child by any chance?” Oh so sneery.

It was far less sneery than the OPs statement about the teacher.

Yes he is my first child. I appreciate they can’t cater for each individual child and that to some 5 year olds it will be water off a ducks back. He is such a worrier though and now he doesn’t want to go school at all.
I know teaching has moved on from when I was 5 but I just feel that it’s maybe my job to teach him about strangers and internet safety when I feel he’s old enough to process it properly. I just think at 5 he doesn’t need to know that naughty people can contact him through the internet he hardly plays on the tablet at home as he’s more interested in writing, drawing, painting and stuff.
Stranger danger yes I do want him to be aware of this but again surely teaching all these things in a matter of 2-3 weeks is just too much for them?
We are under a sleep consultant and have also spoke to gp who has said to contact his teacher and find out exactly what he is being taught (I think the ‘weirdos’ has come from another child, well I hope it has)

Oh forgot all about the fire safety stuff. Oh and the kitchen safety stuff about panhandles and kettle cords. Probably loads more safety stuff taught/tv ads in the early 80's that I have forgotten about.

All schools teach stranger danger, internet safety, appropriate touch etc from a young age.
I get that your ds is sensitive, but in the world we live him, these are necessary lessons to be learned.
He needs to know about the dangers out there . As much as We'd all love to protect our kids from the nasty things in the world and maintain their innocence ....kids need to know this stuff.
It needs to start early to help their awareness..... this opens chanel of communication, so as they get older, if they are exposed to something inappropriate, they will seek help.
We can't wrap our kids in cotton wool..... unfortunately .

I don't think any of that is age inappropriate.

What would you like to happen?

YABVVVU. Your child needs to build resilience and not be so oversensitive, and you need to help with that not mollycoddle him.

The NSPCC talk and the internet safety talks are extremely important, so no, he wasn’t allowed to leave for good reason.

As for Beauty and the Beast, the scary part was over and it’s an age appropritate film/production.

Don’t try to shield him; you need to help him work through these issues, especially when they’re not scary and rather very important instead.

Of course, 5 is more than old enough to be taught about stranger danger. I am really surprised that you haven't had chats already with him about it. Do you hover around him constantly when he's in the park or let him be a child and run off with his mates, keeping an eye?

I just feel that it’s maybe my job to teach him about strangers and internet safety when I feel he’s old enough to process it properly.

The trouble with this OP is that there's always a reason to put it off, as they seem so young and it won't happen to them. The best way to teach these things is to start young, so it's always something they're aware of, and give more information gradually as they grow. It's much better than suddenly having a chat at 7 or 8, as by that point it could be too late.

And yet you say I appreciate they can’t cater for each individual child??

I think you're going to find yourself in a situation where you'll be constantly collecting him early, as he'll have to be taken out of certain classes/assemblies and there won't be extra staff to look after him.

If that doesn't work out, perhaps think about home schooling?

Or chats about what to do if out and about and you get separated because this happens and he needs to know what to do.

I just feel that it’s maybe my job to teach him about strangers and internet safety when I feel he’s old enough to process it properly. I just think at 5 he doesn’t need to know that naughty people can contact him through the internet

Not all parents feel that way, OP, and because the lessons are so vitally important they have to be held at school to make sure they’re actually taught.

And yes at five, he does need to know that, because sooner or later he will have unsupervised internet access (whether on purposefully or accidentally) and it is important he understands the dangers.

You say he’s a worrier - you need to work with him on that, not mollycoddle him and show him he has a reason to be scared.

Hope he's okay OP, but maybe as things come up chat to him about his worries and reassure him. Talk to the teacher and see how they can help. As for not even wanting to go to school, he will jump on that athisage but he needs to remember school is more fun and enjoyable than not. My sd(11) was three months settling into school at that age. He'll get there. Remember the school is there to help and don't go in all guns blazing

My 3 year old knows about weirdos on the internet.

We watch kids YouTube together. I've never seen them in person but I've seen newspaper articles about scary fake Peppa videos and things, so we've chatted about how anybody can put videos up and some people are unkind, and want to frighten children. If she sees something scary, she knows to tell me about it, and how to report it to kids YouTube so they can take it down.

I think it's so useful. She knows from this that not everyone online is trustworthy, but that we can deal with it together, and things that might be upsetting can be taken down. When she's a teenager and has weirdos trying to groom her, as could well happen and happened to me, that lesson will be as innate as anything else she's learning at the age of 3. Not everyone online is trustworthy and Mum is always there to help.

As to 'it should be left to the parents', I'm sure you are aware not everyone has good parents. Not every parent will teach their child things like that and in some cases will do much worse, in which case good job to the school for having the NSPCC in to teach them how they should be being treated.

Interestingly we've also discussed that.

Yet I've had comments from children's centre staff, from her nursery teachers, on how confident & well adjusted she is.

Some children are more sensitive but all children deserve to be able to keep themselves safe.

Maybe the best way to progress is to ask scjool to let you know in advance when they are covering topics like this so you can touch on it at home with him first?

But you haven't taught your son those things.
So luckily school is.
You have an over anxious child and a molly codling parent. Children need to learn resilience and part of that is managing risks and developing strategies to deal with them and with anxiety. You need to work on all this with your son to develop an independent, resilient young person and that work starts now.

I personally don't see anything wrong with any of these incidents.
The show - age appropriate and they probably needed the correct ratio of adults to children so wouldn't have been able to take him outside so comforted him the best they could.
Stranger danger - SOOOOO important especially at a young age.
Internet safety - becoming more and more important to be taught at young ages, just because your son doesn't use it often it doesn't mean his peers don't.
If you keep removing him from these situations and making issues of it as well, he'll think it's right to be upset and will make him more of a worrier and more sensitive.
Also, the teachers age & experience is irrelevant as she would still have all the right training and qualifications and all teachers are new at some point. The fact she has no children is even more irrelevant, you don't have to have children to know how to teach properly.

He point is that teachers have a curriculum to teach and I suppose the bottom line is if you don’t like it then you have the option to home educate so that you get to select what and when you teach things . Is it internet safety week as my ds is a secondary teacher and he’s been told to cover it in form time this week as well

YABU to be angry I’m afraid. He can’t just leave assembly. And the play was likely to have been deemed age appropriate.

However, I think you would be right go to school to discuss, but try to make it a positive conversation i.e. acknowledge that DS is struggling with some topics and you want advice and to find strategies to work with them to help him.