To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

[BettyBoo246]

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

All of those things are totally appropriate. I’m a parent of a y2 child and have also been a teacher for 20 years. I’ll also add I was once the new young teacher without her own children. It’s anhard enough job without those sorts of comments from parents. Luckily the first class I had on a temporary contract had parents who went to request that I was kept on permanently as they liked my teaching! Phew.

School trip to the panto. Probably handled as best as they could. They need certain pupil staff ratios so they couldn’t have just taken your child out for the rest of the performance. To be honest, as a parent I wouldn’t either. I’d just sit my child on my knee and offer support and comfort just as your child’s teacher has done.

Night terrors are a thing that happens at that age. They may have happened anyway without the things you’ve described. My daughter had night terrors on and off at that age. We had to ride it out. Seemed to kick in an hour or so after she went to sleep. There are plenty suggestions online as to how you can tackle them.

The NSPCC must have been doing the rounds. My children have both had visits recently and can proudly recite the telephone number. They shared what they were told and it all seemed in scary. They’ve done stranger danger too. Again, nothing scary. I’ve gone into worse scary tactics myself when they’ve wandered off and started talking to people in the park - my eldest will literally talk to anyone given half the chance so I also worry she would go off with anyone.

Anyway, both my children are August birthdays and I see that being the youngest is often used as an excuse for them being sensitive. Some kids are just sensitive. The school can’t be expected to halt all visits and visitors for the sake of the sensitive children. They grow out of it and will do quicker if they are encouraged to take part in these things not withdrawn at the soonest time.

*in scary should read unscary.

Really ..what are you going to say ..

How strange that so many people are so callous about a little boy's sensitivity. Many of you just seem.to take the "he needs to toughen up.a bit" line, which I find quite unbelievable in this day and age! From a psychological perspective, forcing him to watch/listen to things that scare him so much could set him up for big problems in the future. It simply isn't right to treat children as though 'one size fits all '. And schools/classes being big/understaffed is not an excuse either. Sure kids need to know this stuff, but not all need to know this young and differences in maturity or sensitivity should be respected.

YANBU. I have a sensitive DS who could be deeply distressed and scared watching programmes or seeing plays considered appropriate at school. I hated the “oh, they see worse things at home” response. My DCs didn’t! I knew when he was ready for something, and I knew if he wasn’t. It is not a good thing to make a child sit through something s/he finds scary, nor does ignoring their emotions make them “resilient”. He is 5 for goodness sake!

Thank you listentothewind that’s really helpful
I do sometimes compare which I know I shouldn’t in the line at school in the mornings and just think why can’t my ds be as carefree and confident. He is the youngest in the class but I’ve always tried not to get hung up on that.
I will definitely look at all the recommendations and be careful not to bombard ds with all of it at once

Hey OP, sorry your kiddo is finding it so stressful and I'm sorry you've had to endure some of the horrible catty comments I've just read.
Some kids are more sensitive and it isn't a case of 'not teaching them' but de-sensitising them. With the wolf thing, maybe a home project on wolves, a story or cartoon the includes a good wolf, playing what's the time Mr wolf etc.
Do speak to school about how certain things upset your child and how you are helping him, hopefully they will support the strategy. Internet safety is important but it doesn't need to be terrifying. Can you get someone to play along a game, messaging someone (your friend pretending to be someone else) , get child to imagine what the person is like, draw a picture then show then who it is - hopefully not scary because they know friend and explain how people are not who we think they are etc.
Praise the brave moments and support the bad, your little one will get resilient. Good luck

ThoseWhoDance & nellieellie

Thank you Jerry
Yes I did this with ds, we drew wolves together tried to make them look funny and he even asked for a wolf teddy. We talked about how they don’t live in the UK and how they don’t eat people and really are just wild dogs. It worked for a few weeks but every now and then if we see a wolf in book or on tv and I can still see the uncertainty on his face.

Try a worry teddy they have a zip on their mouth and you can write what is scaring them on paper, or draw a picture and then zip it away in the teddy's mouth. It really helped my little worrier and I have one in my classroom too and some of the children also find it reassuring. I also find having soft music playing and a projection of stars on the ceiling really helps to calm him at bed time. I leave the music on until I go to bed and it seems to decrease the night terrors and nightmares. Have you tried doing yoga with him and there are some good mindfulness /reflective podcasts for children which can also be calming, my 4 and 7 year olds like them. Good luck you have alot on your plate 🌸 💐

Yes I got a worry monster a few weeks back thank you, it does work some of the time I think. We also have a dream catcher again works some of the time.
I’ve also ordered today the mindful monsters cards, ds actually asked for these so hopefully they will help too.

Yoga sounds good I think he’d enjoy that.

From a scientific perspective, 5 years old is too young for a child to have a cognitive ability to comprehend differences between real life and things that aren't real life. There has not been enough neurological development for them to know the difference between imagination and reality.

So 5 years old is too young to be teaching children in the way that they are , genereally , being taught in schools. This is a major flaw in the entire schooling system because when the schooling system was established we did not have such scientific evidence on the matter of cognitive development as we do now. But that's going a bit off the subject...

I am so sorry your. hold has been exposed to these things that have caused him so much distress and fear.
You are not being unreasonable at all to be questioning how this has been able to happen, and wanting to prevent it happening again.

As for the solution only you can work that out , and I hope you can find one that stops and prevents further distress.

You dont know what stress is ..all the so sorry really sorry for what .. Yes we really are on another planet

Wow, some of the comments on here are harsh and critical. Pretty sure OP wasn't having a go at the teacher and unless sending a formal letter who worries about spelling? Barely know what the abbreviations on mn mean half the time so misspelled words go over my head. We should have each others backs ladies.

OP, if it were me I would let the school teach the curriculum as they see fit, they are the experts after all, but I would probably talk to his teacher and give them a heads-up about his sensitivity and the nightmares he's been having. I'd have a good 121 and seek their advice and maybe ask for an outline of upcoming events so you can talk to him ahead of such talks, trips etc That way he'll know what to expect and you guys can having a good natter about it, should take the sting out of the tail for him. Good luck to you.

From a scientific perspective, 5 years old is too young for a child to have a cognitive ability to comprehend differences between real life and things that aren't real life. There has not been enough neurological development for them to know the difference between imagination and reality.

I'm interested in the science.

My children at 5 seemed to know that zombies, ghosts etc weren't real. Was it because they'd seen them unmasked in Scooby Doo and Halloween masks in the shops?

My kids are in secondary school so I may have forgotten what 5 year olds are like but when dd wore a princess dress and wanted to be called Belle did she think that wearing a dress made her Belle ? I always assumed it was wishful thinking (pretending)

My 5 year old definitely understands the difference between imagination and reality. My 3.5 year old still has the lines a bit blurred.

Good god, no wonder teachers are having a bloody nightmare with parents complaining about the national curriculum and it’s application!

They have to teach stranger danger and internet safety because precious parents like you who molly coddle their child will wait until it’s too late. Thank god I say. And if your child is scared of very normal 5 year old activities then you gently need to work on his resilience. Poor kid will be terrified his whole life if you enable irrational fears, rather than teach him to deal with them and develop his own coping strategies.

Don’t get me started in the sleep consultant....

Shit Please enlighten me on your thoughts of the sleep consultant?

Yes OP why doesn't he already know about stranger danger?? Do you not realise how judgemental you are?? Do you not want him to be taught anything?? Oh yeh... and your spellings rubbish. Wow, don't you just love angry mums netters... don't you know not to ask a totally innocent question?!

My little girls similar, she's the youngest in the school and still finding her feet in the world. Definitely chat to the teacher if you're feeling uneasy about whats being taught etc. Maybe when it comes to sensitive subjects (which shouldn't be arising that often to be fair) they can give you a heads up so you can approach it in a way you know will be a little less overwhelming for him before he has the lesson, just until he's over the hurdle. It so hard when they are the babies of the year, those months make one hell of a difference.

at least they're not teaching them to be gay www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-47158357

good luck to the parents trying to stop this, like stopping the tide coming in

Nightmares/night terrors/being scared if the dark etc are all very normal. I have one still very scared 7 year old who regularly wakes up frightened. I reassure her. I help her develop coping strategies. I help her to rationalise her fear. I give her a cuddle. Most importantly, I don’t overreact. I stay calm, so I don’t push any adult anxieties onto her. Being scared is normal, learning to deal with fears is as important as what they learn at school. You don’t need a sleep consultant to tell you that.

You sound like an anxious overanalyser. You have a small baby so I’m guessing you’re sleep deprived too which may explain some if it. But for gods sake, take a step back and stop helicoptering all around you eldest. Yo really aren’t doing him or yourself any favours at all. I suspect that your underlying tension is fuelling most if not all of his anxiety.

Thanks Shit I did genuinely want to know your thoughts on sleep cons as it was recommended by a GP as he thought 7 weeks of nightmares was a little too long but did also say 5 is the average age for children’s imagination to peak and for nightmares to start so was a bit confused by his advice.

My 7 year old has been having nightmares/terrors since she was too tiny to articulate anything. Some wakeful, some entirely asleep (with open eyes and walking, very weird). I wouldn’t dream of asking a doctor,p about it. It’s not a medical issue. We all have nightmares and we have to learn to deal with them, and other irrational fears.

I am naturally a highly anxious person. My daughter thankfully isn’t but she definitely had the potential to be. I think my own fears and anxieties stemmed from childhood issues and they were not dealt with very well. I am so keen not to let my anxious nature rub off on my children. Both my girls have straits of being highly strung but, due to years of deliberately trying to counter overreaction, they are mostly very calm. They know that there is a solution to pretty much most problems (that they will face as a child anyway). It is a constant process - reassuring, calming, rationalising etc, regardless of what the potential overreaction is - but I don’t want them to have the utter exhaustion that I have as someone who is constantly anxious. I have the heartbeat of a mouse, I never sit down, I over analyse everything, I worry needlessly but constantly, it’s a truly exhausting way to live. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy and fight hard to ensure my girls will not suffer the same.

I know you’re doing your best, but I think you need a rethink. Yo have an anxious son and are anxious yourself (that much is clear, even if you don’t realise that yourself), you have to find a way to help him, rather than feed the beast. Maybe you need to deal with your own anxieties first, before you can help him.

*traits

If your son has an EHCP and a dedicated 1:1 then it’s fair to ask for him to be taken out.
If not...then you’re being unreasonable. There are other children there and they have to take staffing ratios in to consideration.