To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

[BettyBoo246]

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

He recognises if someone is playing on their own and plays with them, and if someone’s visibly upset he’ll comfort them,

Yes that is lovely but thats not the same as being sensitive, thats just being a nice person. Great that your DS has empathy at a young age but honestly you need to stop mixing these traits up. Its good you have understood where you are in the wrong and that you are calmly speaking to the teacher. Maybe ask for support the help your son through this heightened fear he is displaying. And please stop the school gate gossip- it really is of no help

OP, you are clearly interested in your child's education, so many aren't.
I know you must be rushed off your feet, but what helped me was downloading the curriculum for each subject and loosely following it when they told me what they'd done at school, if they remembered
it stops any huge surprises and you can be prepared to help when required.
I was anxious about other aspects, but it certainly helped in other ways too.

I’m surprised stranger danger is still being taught, it’s been discredited and the real danger to children is someone in the family.

Thanks romany that’s a great idea. I will do that watch the Pants video later.

I respect that OP does have a lot on her plate but there seem to be things she is doing wrong

Oh cmon, she had a baby three months ago, , that changed things, she's struggling with three kids, let's all have a bit of empathy.

Yes of course he need to know about pants and everything else. But the recent updates are he's behaving at school but playing up at home. Likely because he has a new baby sister, a dad who works long hours and a mum who is trying to cope with much of it on her own.

Maybe cut her a little slack. I don't think thr situation is quite as was initially portrayed,

OP I'm glad the teacher called you. Your DS is getting attention by his behaviour. If I was him I'd do the same . I would suggest you arrange an appointment with the teacher and I promise you it will be helpful.

OP, once you get into the habit of downloading KS1 subjects, then ks2 as they move up, yo become an authority
I've done it 3 times now and am up to GCSE with our youngest.
I can't stress what a help it is, in all sorts of ways.
I've never sat and studied for long, except when H.ed one for a while.
It's just good to know it's there for guidance.

BettyBoo, thanks for understanding, I hope I didn't overreact, obviously it's a touchy subject. It sounds like you have the best intentions for your child - I would say about 99% of the teachers I've come across want the best for the children in their care too. Whilst you might have disagreements about how to achieve this, it's worth remembering that you both share the same goal.
I think you could do with going in to chat with the teacher, it sounds like the last conversation you had was useful! Try not to listen to gossip about the teacher, if she's not doing a good job, by all means, talk to someone further up the chain, but passing around rumours won't help your case if you do have a real complaint to make.

Your post made me think this-you're setting your son up to be a victim,OP and I mean that with great concern. You say he doesn't need to know that someone else might want to touch his private parts!!!! It actually sounds like you've painted quite a story to the doctor about your son's school as if he's being taught Masters and Johnson curriculum! Maybe your poor kid needs strategies to learn to cope with anxiety or maybe both of you need it?

You seem to know how I can help ds with resilience but not actually saying how so please I’m asking how?

This was not directed at me however I’ll provide a suggestion.

What you are describing sounds a lot like anxiety which is not the same as ‘sensitive’. You can have a sensitive nature but not have the issues your child is experiencing. I have one with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) amongst numerous other things and it wouldn’t hurt to have this investigated. Their first year of school was pretty traumatic, a lot of what you describe resonates. So after a horror year we engaged the help of a clinical psychologist who specialises in this area to assist. They not only worked with our child but also us for implementation of personalised management strategies etc. This really helped our child. We spent two years on this and don’t regret anything but I think we would have regretted not doing it.

Our child (now young adult) was not ‘cured’ of anxiety. They will always have anxiety. It’s part of who they are. However they needed professional assistance to manage this as a child. Not continuously, we did the initial 2 years then had 2/3 years where we didn’t see anyone then had them back for another year as it became unmanageable again. Now it’s different, they just get as hoc assistance to manage specific issues from their ‘adult’ psychologist as and when needed, no big deal.

It’s not about a school/teacher having to adapt everything for everyone to cater for a child with issues. It’s about getting a child with issues the assistance and support required to deal with normal life and experiences otherwise the future is going to be really rocky.

I wouldn’t say sensitive. I would say extremely anxious. You have to keep smiling or he thinks you’re angry? Really? Better to explain to him that you’re not.
It breaks your heart? Sounds like a lot of this is coming from you.
If my youngest fell over he would look at me. If I looked shocked and worried then he would cry. If I smiled and said up you get you’re fine then he would be ok.

OP the problem is you.

You've wrapped him and his feelings in bubble wrap for so long that he can't cope with the slightest bit of negativity.

Children need to experice fear, sadness and other negative e emotions to really develop an understanding of them all. You're stunting his development and now he's at school he's going to be exposed to things which aren't always rainbows and Unicorns.

How long will you continue with this? Will you be there compmaing when he learns about global warming, world wars and the black death?

You need to let him grow.

I do explain to him just because mummy isn’t smiling doesn’t mean I’m angry.
I am also one not to run over as soon as he falls, always been careful not to do this. my dh in fact use to comment on how I could be bit more sympathetic with ds etc but then again dh is very sensitive also.
What breaks my heart is that he seems to have the weight of the world on his shoulders and he is a different child to what he was a year ago and yes that makes me sad. Obviously he doesn’t see me get upset about that and I am trying to keep everything as it was before dd arrived 12 weeks ago well as much as I can anyway but it doesn’t seem to be working

Please what am I doing that’s not letting him grow?
How do I stop him or help him from not being scared of wolves, robbers, mummy leaving, the dark, skeletons, Zombies the list is endless. I try and encourage to talk about his worries and I try and rationalise them and diffuse the fears but we get over one and then another one comes the next day.

Find some relevant books, literature about this to read up on and this may also help improve your spelling.

Thanks tantric
I’m living off zero hours sleep, feeding a 12 week old whilst a 3 year old is swinging off my leg but yes I will certainly try and improve my typing skills as that is top of my list of priorities at the moment!

How do I stop him or help him from not being scared of wolves, robbers, mummy leaving, the dark, skeletons, Zombies the list is endless

Books, role play, asking him why constantlhy (pretend you're the 3 year old going through the why stage!)

DS I'm scare of wolves
You: Why
DS: becuase they might eat me
You: I don;t think wolves eat little boys - shall we look at this website and find out about what wolves eat?

Exactly watch titchy has said.

You offer real answers.

You encourage him to talk about his fears? You’re reinforcing that these things are scary.
Give him clear and factual information about why zombies aren’t something to worry about.

He clearly is very anxious. It’s noy because of what the school is teaching or because the teacher is young.

You can discuss the issues he has, but really don’t blame school for them. They will want to know and help but they aren’t causing the problem.

Some children are like this. Sensible parenting with discussion of fears, encouraging resilience, little step at a time (lots of good ideas on here£ helps most move forward.

Some have a bigger issue but it’s prob too soon to be thinking about that.

The topics school are covering are all reasonable.

Best of luck in helping your son to move forward. It will take time so be patient with him and yourself.

It may have been mentioned already, but what TV is he watching, and are you providing any commentary to it, in that it is make-believe and not at all real?

Wolves - none wild in this country.
Dark - absence of light
Skeletons - bones, inanimate
Zombies - just pretend
Robbers - nothing here they'd want to take
Mummy leaving - not going to happen, loves you too much

Mummy & Daddy & family & teachers are here to keep you safe.

Are his friends taking delight in scaring him? Tell him they are just telling stories.

maybe my job to teach him about strangers and internet safety when I feel he’s old enough to process it properly.

Online Safety is part of the curriculum in the UK. It isn't just not he Computing curriculum either. It should be taught to all children throughout the year, and not just on 'Online Safety' week.

Your child will have access to the internet at school, and should therefore be taught how to stay safe online.

We do not use the words 'wierdos' etc and that approach is concerning. I am not sure where that would come from. Its not on any advisory type sites Ive ever come across - and I teach this to children ages 4 - 7 years old every week!

Op, I honestly think that it’s not helpful for you to try to engage in conversation with the numerous people who are implying that you have mollycoddled/neglected/made some catastrophic mistakes with your child etc etc because non of those things are true. So if you can just focus on the posts which offer helpful advice and ignore the rest you will be able to take something positive away from this.
The way you worded the OP reads as though, to you at least, this level of anxiety and intensity of reaction is “normal” behaviour for children. Unfortunately, and I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but it’s not usual for children of 5 to suffer with this level of anxiety to which you describe in your son. It seems to me that a lot of people here have wanted to, rather harshly in my opinion, “put you in your place”, but please understand that regardless of the many blunt comments you are likely not to blame for your child being anxious. So please don’t feel badly about it.
It’s actually fairly normal (especially with first born children) for parents to set the bar of normality (sorry to keep on using that word) based their own child’s behaviours. As a consequence we find ourselves thinking that the school/teachers/ the other parents etc are doing something wrong or are wildly missunderstanding our kid. The reality is instead that, sometimes we’re the ones not seeing the whole picture.

I think it likely that your child is suffering some acute anxiety episodes. I totally understand this as my eldest has in the past suffered with acute episodes of anxiety, some of them were almost debilitating in terms of his ability to function normally at school. However the school can be your ally in this if you go in and discuss with his teacher how you are all going to support him in coping. It might mean simple things such as the teacher informing him (or you) beforehand about what is going to happen so there is no surprise element or whatever plan you both think is in his best interest.
They will want to work with you and help because stressed children cannot learn and they will know that. At home there is also much you can do as well. I am always recommending the book Sitting Still Like a Frog by Eline Snell as it is an excellent resource for parents of anxious children. It comes with a CD of exercises for children to do (which are engaging and fun) which teach them coping mechanisms for their anxieties or you can stream the tracks directly from the Shambhala website (Track 2 The Little Frog is perfect for children your sons age).
The other thing I would suggest would be to put him on a good quality vitamin supplement as sometimes a deficiency can be a contributing factor with childhood anxiety. It won’t hurt to give him that in any case. Go for something decent like the bioglan smart kids fussy eater as it has a good balance of vitamins (avoid the haliborange type which are little more than sweets and don’t contain enough of the things needed).
I hope you don’t think my post in anyway harsh, I totally understand having been there myself and like you my eldest was in reception whilst I had a two yr old and a new baby at home.
You can massively improve things once you start to recognise it and once you start working with the teachers, not against them.
Please message me if you would like any further advice, I’d be happy to help.

Thank you so much, that’s really helped me and I really appreciate the advice.

I will definitely have a look at that book and he does have a multivitamin but it is a haliborange so I will change them.
I’ve just started today reading a book called what to do when you worry too much, which he kind of engaged in but I think it was too soon after school!
Did you find with your dc it was set off by a new sibling at all?

There are two things I noticed here and don’t think your issues are unreasonable as long as you have covered them.

1. does the school not prepare you for what’s being taught? We get plenty of information and especially a school trip would have been clearly explained. If they are talking about wolves, strangers or whatever, I’d say if you have concerns you talk rationally to the school about being prewarned.

2. if you know these things are issues, do you talk to your child about them? If not why not. School is scary but only way to stop it being scary is for you to talk it through.