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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
Dieu · 05/02/2019 16:00

Jesus wept woman, take the day off and enjoy! BrewCakeSmile

JassyRadlett · 05/02/2019 16:01

I wouldn't put my child into nursery if they are not 100%. Sorry.

If every child with a cough or a runny nose who was otherwise ok was kept home, nurseries would be empty from October to March.

Schuyler · 05/02/2019 16:02

OP isn’t going on a spa day, she also doesn’t feel well. Those who are berating her are missing the point! If she was totally well and her little one was also not 100%, that’s different. This is not the case.

halfwitpicker · 05/02/2019 16:04

Same here, blue Grin

CottonSock · 05/02/2019 16:05

I've had days leave to go hiking, do diy, have a break and watch Netflix. In what life do you keep a child off with a runny nose!

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 16:05

If she was totally well and her little one was also not 100%, that’s different.

Is it? Surely whether a child goes to nursery when not 100% depends on the child and how unwell they actually are, not the mothers health?

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 16:07

Obtuse is indeed the word! I would imagine the OP is in fact the person best placed to decide whether her own child is well enough to go to nursery and whether his needs will be sufficiently catered for, don't you think?

No obviously I don't think she is, hense my previous post.
Child not feeling great, been off ill for the last couple of days but is sent to nursery today to listen to other kids run about shouting and screaming while mummy sits at home watching Netflix and having a nice wee quiet time to herself. I stand by it. Its selfish. OP isn't exactly lying in bed at deaths door now is she.

Celticrose · 05/02/2019 16:08

If the op had said that instead of nursery but her mum was going to look after her dc as she usually did I don't think she would be getting the same grief. Especially if her mum had said you go home and rest as you are not well.

Also op the fact that you are unwell can you claim a sick day and take a another day as annual leave as we can do that at our work

DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/02/2019 16:15

Is it? Surely whether a child goes to nursery when not 100% depends on the child and how unwell they actually are, not the mothers health?

Surely the child should be in the place where they will get the best care, and that is likely to be with adults who are well, rather than with adults who are not.

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 16:26

If the op had said that instead of nursery but her mum was going to look after her dc as she usually did I don't think she would be getting the same grief.

That's because it would not be the same situation.

JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 16:26

It would’ve been selfish to keep the child at home where they’d have probably gotten no real interaction, beans on toast and sat in front of the tv all day. At nursery he’ll have been amongst friends, good
Meals and proper stimulation. Mother is able to rest and fight off her cold or bug and be a better parent for it tonight.

JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 16:27

Kindlyplay do you keep your children at home on day 5 of a cold?

You’re still avoiding my question. Would it have been ok to send the child in if the OP was at work? Smile

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 16:29

Kindlyplay do you keep your children at home on day 5 of a cold?

This again Hmm

You’re still avoiding my question.

Indeed.

Would it have been ok to send the child in if the OP was at work?

No. Because the child is not 100%. However, as I have said to you numerous times this is not relevant at the OP was not at work today. The OP asked a question regarding her circumstances today, when she is at home. The fact that she is home today formed a huge past of the question, so there really isn't any point in trying to remove it.

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 16:30

If the op had said that instead of nursery but her mum was going to look after her dc as she usually did I don't think she would be getting the same grief. Especially if her mum had said you go home and rest as you are not well.

Yeah really not the same, unless OPs mum lives in a nursery 🙄.
This is not about how OP is feeling it's about the comfort of her child and the fact is he has been sent back to nursery because OP in now feeling a bit under the weather and doesn't want to look after him so has shifted the responsibility to the someone else.

JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 16:31

So we should all avoid sending our children in nursery or school when they had a cold the previous week? That’s just proved how ridiculously skewed your viewpoint is. Thankfully the most of the replies on this thread are sensible!

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 16:35

Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch NetflixAIBU!!?? And what would you do...

See^ clearly stated, ds still isn't feeling very well and that OP actually just wants to do some housework and catch up on the telly. So clearly well enough to look after her child. Just making excuses that she "feels a bit rough" to make herself feel better about sending ds into nursery also feeling a bit rough.

Popandcrackle · 05/02/2019 16:35

I did this last week, I figured I’d already paid for the day and she enjoys nursery. It was lovely!

JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 16:36

She didn’t say he isn’t feeling well. She said he’s not 100% yet. How many toddlers have more than few days of no cough or runny nose during a British winter?! If every child was kept off school and nursery with a cough and cold no one would ever attend.

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 16:36

Thankfully the most of the replies on this thread are sensible!

Most of the replies on this thread are selfish!

^ fixed it for you 😁

JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 16:38

Haha yes you’re right we’re all terribly selfish mothers Grin

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 16:39

You are missing the point, OP is off and basically feeling fine, her ds is still a bit under the weather, she has no reason to send him. Honestly don't see what paying for it has to do with anything, unless people are that money orientated that they care more about the money than the comfort of their child.

wishywashy6 · 05/02/2019 16:41

@kindlyplay how much cotton wool do you go through wrapping your kids up in it? 🙄

OP, hope you enjoyed your Netflix!

DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/02/2019 16:41

This is not about how OP is feeling it's about the comfort of her child and the fact is he has been sent back to nursery because OP in now feeling a bit under the weather and doesn't want to look after him so has shifted the responsibility to the someone else.

The two cannot be separated in the way you think they can. The OP is feeling really rough and has had very little sleep. If you are truly concerned about its comfort, you would be able to see that this is not a particularly great state for an adult to be in whilst looking after a child. Far better for the child to be looked after by adults who are not unwell.

SparkleBanana · 05/02/2019 16:42

Don’t feel guilty, you need to look after yourself too. I don’t need to send my kids to nursery but I do for their benefit, my daughter is doing brilliantly and my son is signed up to start later this year. They do things with them that I would never be able to do at home for various reasons.
I don’t think there has been a day since September where I would have said my son has been 100%. We still have to do things and we just stay home when either is contagious.
Hope that you feel better soon OP.

wishywashy6 · 05/02/2019 16:43

@Drogosnextwife did you read the post? OP is feeling unwell, DS has the tail end of a cold. I'm not sure how you managed to get both parts so wrong 🤔

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