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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 07/02/2019 12:52

The fact you do judge other parents 🙄 that's pretty low imo

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 12:52

Personally I wouldn't send a child into nursery with the tail end of a cold.

Primary school must love parents like this. No wonder attendance figures are crap.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:53

Because at least with a nursery there is less of a chance of one negative and malign influence being the overwhelming one my child is exposed to and more likely to be balanced by others. At my nursery many of them are themselves working parents.

Why do you presume I would be a negative influence on a child because I wpuld judge their parent for bringing them to me I'll.

Nursery staff will judge parents too you know.

Gottalovesummer · 07/02/2019 12:55

Drago do not tell me what I do and don't think.

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 12:57

Why do you presume I would be a negative influence on a child because I wpuld judge their parent for bringing them to me I'll.

Nursery staff will judge parents too you know.

As I say, with a childminder it’s an all-or-nothing roll of the dice. I don’t want to risk for my kids spending so much time with a caregiver lacking empathy or an inability to think flexibly and try to understand the experiences, feelings and needs of others when they diverge from his or her own.

At a nursery you’re more likely to get a mix, including the really positive people you read about on here (CMs included) to balance out the bad. As I say, I really value my own nursery as so many of the staff are working mothers and fathers who are doing a similar juggling act and have shown exemplary support and empathy to many parents I’ve known in the last 6.5 years there, and were brilliant to our family during health issues DS2 had.

SummerStrong · 07/02/2019 13:00

@JassyRadlett

*Personally I wouldn't send a child into nursery with the tail end of a cold.

Primary school must love parents like this. No wonder attendance figures are crap.*

We're talking about nursery here, not primary school.

Schmoobarb · 07/02/2019 13:03

Jesus some of these replies are ridiculous.

The child was in nursery, ie where he’d have been if OP hadn’t had annual leave, seeing as how he wasn’t too ill to actually go there.

As long as the child is being looked after, which he was, it is actually OK for mums to give themselves a bit of TLC from time to time 🙄

wishywashy6 · 07/02/2019 13:03

@SummerStrong I can only speak from the experience of my own children but what exactly does 'better off at home with Mum' mean? Why would the tail end of a cold bother a child?
I can't think of any occasion where either of mine have wanted to cuddle/ lounge around on the sofa feeling sorry for themselves. A cold has genuinely never affected them in any way other than they produce a tsunami of snot from their noses. Other than that they function like they would any other time.
I think if I told them they couldn't go to one of their usual activities due to the fact they had a cold they'd look at me like I'd grown toenails from my face and tell me I was being ridiculous.

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 13:05

We're talking about nursery here, not primary school.

I’m unclear on why it would be unacceptable for a three year old but tickety-boo for a four year old?

At any rate, few parents would hold down jobs if they kept their kids home every time their nose was running and they had a cough.

TheyGotMyName · 07/02/2019 13:06

Rest enjoy being a parent is hard at the best of times even more so when you are sick... it was paid for. If they were too sick to be there you'd of had a call to collect them...

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:09

Primary school mustloveparents like this. No wonder attendance figures are crap.

This isn't primary school though is it?

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:15

As I say, with a childminder it’s an all-or-nothing roll of the dice. I don’t want to risk for my kids spending so much time with a caregiver lacking empathy or an inability to think flexibly and try to understand the experiences, feelings and needs of others when they diverge from his or her own

Trust me. I couldn't be any more empathetic and caring towards the kids I look after. They get more attention and care from me than my own children, while they are here. They treat my house like their own home and I have babysit on weekends for their parents so they can have nights out etc. A lot of people make the decision to use a nursery for that reason.

I am not going to pretend that I think it's ok for a parent who is off at home to send their sick child to nursery, nor for a parent with the bonus of having so many weeks holiday from work, to send their child to nursery as though they were at work. My time with my own kids is very important to me, I wouldn't give it up just because I was paying for the time at nursery anyway.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:17

JassyRadlett

This is a private, paid for nursery. It is not an educational nursery. They really don't care if your child is there or not. As long as you are paying for it you can keep them off as much as you see fit.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:18

Dragodo not tell me what I do and don't think

Ok then 😂

gday064 · 07/02/2019 13:20

Definitely get some rest, don't feel guilty.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:21

At any rate, few parents would hold down jobs if they kept their kids home every time their nose was running and they had a cough.

OP was at home anyway. So that ^ was pointless.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:22

JassyRadlett

Parents like you are the problem tbh.

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 13:28

Trust me. I couldn't be any more empathetic and caring towards the kids I look after. They get more attention and care from me than my own children, while they are here. They treat my house like their own home and I have babysit on weekends for their parents so they can have nights out etc. A lot of people make the decision to use a nursery for that reason

😮 That is time the parents could have been spending with their children! How can you live with yourself for enabling parents to spend precious time away from their kids when they could be dedicating that time to their children!

Anyway, broader attitudes are important to me. Inability to display true empathy in one area can carry over into others. That’s in conflict with my own values, and the values I want my kids to have - that just because we wouldn’t contemplate something for ourselves, it doesn’t make it objectively wrong. We never know 90% of what is going on in other people’s lives.

This is a private, paid for nursery. It is not an educational nursery. They really don't care if your child is there or not. As long as you are paying for it you can keep them off as much as you see fit.

I was commenting on the parental attitude, not the nursery’s...

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 13:29

Parents like you are the problem tbh.

Pray do tell. I’m fascinated. What are ‘parents like me’?

qazxc · 07/02/2019 13:33

YANBU. Do not feel guilty. Have some time for yourself to recuperate and relax.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:35

No you said there is no difference between 3 year old and 4 year olds. That age range is state run nurseries, this one is private, so they don't care.

They ask, I'm not going to say no. How they want to parent is their decision. I still have my opinions on people who send their child into nursery I'll while they are off just because they have paid for it. Or teachers who send their kids to nursery for their usual days.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 13:38

JassyRadlett

Oh I was just copying your statement aimed at me. Have no idea what kind of parent you are, just like you have no idea what kind of childminder I am. I don't judge my minded kids on the decisions their parents make, infact sometimes I feel more empathy towards them because I feel sorry for them.
You presume I'm a bad childminder because of my opinions on the parents decisions, I will presume you are one of those parents and presume you are a bad parent. HTH

LaurieMarlow · 07/02/2019 13:40

In years gone by how on earth did mothers cope having to actually bring their own children up without Netflix/spa/shopping days.

I actually think mothers had far more time to themselves in years gone by. When I was a child I spent whole weekends in my granny's house. I lived out of doors in the summer. I spent whole days in my cousins/friends houses on a regular basis.

It's only modern mothers (and notably not fathers Hmm) who are put under pressure to spend every waking minute they're not at work with their DCs.

Gottalovesummer · 07/02/2019 13:41

Drago you are so rude and aggressive

No wonder cm's get a bad name on here.

LadyFlumpalot · 07/02/2019 13:54

"Of course I would, but probably half fee. Doesn't change my opinion on them being a bit selfish though. As usual all about money, it's quite sad."

So the hypothetical teacher is supposed to pay you good money for a service you aren't providing and you think they are the selfish ones for not keeping their kids at home?

I wouldn't be happy about paying a restaurant for a meal but still cooking it myself at home, why would I throw away money paying someone to look after my child but keep them at home anyway?!