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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
Andtheskyisgrey · 05/02/2019 10:53

A residual cough and runny nose can hang around for weeks. It does not mean the child should not go to nursery (or school). Otherwise most kids would never be there and no one would ever be able to hold down a job.

Birdsgottafly · 05/02/2019 10:57

You don't have to spend everyday you aren't at work with your child.

In old style extended families, you'd happily send your children off with relatives/friends.

My Nan not only took me to sleep/on holiday, but my friends as well. It was the norm in my peer group, I'm 51. Our Mums took it in turns to have sleepovers (usually with upto 12 kids).

Nursery isn't school, they can nap still have cuddles etc. If our under 2s had to be 100% we'll to go, many would never go over winter/spring.

I feel sorry for how much pressure Mothers are under these days. It's shifted from housework to 24/7 involved Parenting.

OP take time to rest, you will be a better Parent for it.

Original poster
Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 11:01

Birdsgottafly thank you Smile
It’s bloody hard sometimes. I’m over the guilt now. I have a lemsip and will enjoy my quiet day then power through work the rest of the week before a nice three day weekend with my DS. They’re celebrating Chinese New Year at nursery today so he’ll have a great time and I’ll pick him up earlier than normal.

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 05/02/2019 11:07

🙄 at some of the ridiculous replies on here.

OP is more unwell than her child who has already had a good number of days of to recover and is almost better, certainly well enough to attend nursery.

OP feels rotten. She has paid for nursery. The staff I’m sure are in a better position to look after LO then the unwell OP. Now he’s getting better he will have lots more energy, especially after being cooped up inside whilst he’s been ill. In this position, I think the nursery can meet LOs needs better than OP currently can due to her being unwell. It’s a no brainer that she should rest at home.

Ignore the guilt trippers OP. And hope you feel better soon Flowers

Celebelly · 05/02/2019 11:08

Enjoy your day! Hope you're feeling better soon Thanks You have to look after yourself too - an ill and frazzled mum all weekend wouldn't be much fun! This way you can rest and get some bits done and then have more quality time.

oh4forkssake · 05/02/2019 11:10

I feel sorry for how much pressure Mothers are under these days. It's shifted from housework to 24/7 involved Parenting

A thousand times this. I feel like I'm wasting time and being lazy if I'm not 100% productive. I recently considered giving up paid work to concentrate on the children.....until a friend pointed out that wouldn't be good for anyone's mental health Grin.

You rest up OP - your little one will be thrilled to see you at the end of the day and you'll feel better.

IAmWonderWoman · 05/02/2019 11:16

This thread is ridiculous. Enjoy your time OP.

Most children at this time of year have some sort of virus, it’s winter. Doesn’t mean they can’t go to nursery, I don’t keep my children off school or nursery unless they’re actually unwell which it doesn’t sound like the OP’s child is.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/02/2019 11:20

I used to love doing this. I would drop DD at the CM and then stop for a bacon butty on the way home, then shop without interruption, potter around the house, catch up on some hobby stuff and generally feel great by the time I picked her up.

I used to feel more embarrassed as the CM would spot that I wasn't in my usual work wear and would therefore have guessed I'd taken annual leave.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/02/2019 11:22

In fact, the biggest perk of working was taking annual leave without having to look after the children. Being a SAHM is now relentless because when I'm not with the children (youngest now in 1/2 day nursery), I feel that I have to be studying for my career or doing housework. Then I'm on dinner/homework/crowd control etc until DH gets home.

juliainthedeepwater · 05/02/2019 11:33

Hahaha to the naivety/aggression of posters who think all kids at nursery are/should be in 100% perfect health. The nurseries would be empty and employed parents would be off work constantly. Totally unrealistic in capitalist society. Also, it's brutal being unwell and looking after young children - it's sensible for the OP to rest if she has the opportunity. YANBU!

Omzlas · 05/02/2019 11:37

Jesus, some of the replies! OP Is sending her child to nursery, not Outer Mongolia!

OP, get some rest and you'll feel better for it, then be a more fun mum when you don't feel like death

Pearl clutching at its finest!

LiquoricePickle · 05/02/2019 11:46

Definitely ditch the guilt. Parents who take a break and practice self care are better parents in general.

Missingstreetlife · 05/02/2019 11:47

If the guilt gets the better of you call them. They will probably tell you he's fine.
All the guilt trippers haven't seen you are sick yourself. Could probably take that days leave again.

anxiousbundle · 05/02/2019 11:55

Definitely not being unreasonable OP! I hope you're resting and enjoying some recovery time :) get well soon

Also, you've paid for the day anyways!

Can't believe @kindlyplay 
I doubt toddlers are ever 100% well, there's always something! And the end of a cold is nothing like sending a child in with an ear infection screaming and crying or a stomach bug.
You must never get into work @kindlyplay if you keep your kids home for the minutest ailments...

DonnaDarko · 05/02/2019 11:58

I work full time, DS is in nursery full time. I've had more than one day off without taking him out of nursery. Sometimes my partner and I take the same day off so we can have some alone time ;)

Nothing wrong with some rest and relaxation! It sounds like you need it.

noordinaryweirdo · 05/02/2019 12:01

I haven't RTFT but I assume OP you have been told how evil and cruel you would be to do such a thing.

I do it all the time. As someone who grew up with a FT working DM who (although much adored) was often stressed and frazzled due to not having ANY time just for her, I feel no guilt about time for me.

BusyMum47 · 05/02/2019 13:02

Don't feel guilty at all - you need to be physically & emotionally ok to be a good mum so you've done what was needed today- enjoy! X

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 14:46

Good go people are being purposely obtuse. If you are off work because you are ill and your child isn't feeling great then yes you should keep them at home, why because it is best for the child to be in the comfort of their own home, access to food, water, a place to sleep etc at any point for theor own comfort. Some selfish people on here!

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 14:48

And before anyone says they have all that at nursery, no they really don't with 20-80 (depending on nursery size) other kids running around.

MeOldChina · 05/02/2019 15:00

My DS does one day a week and I always send him even if I am off work, unless he is too poorly. I would send him in with a runny nose, because otherwise he would never be there.

On these days I do lots of things that he would find boring. Sometimes that involves Netflix. Sometimes not. He meanwhile has an awesome time at nursery.

There are no losers.

EastEndQueen · 05/02/2019 15:16

Enjoy it OP.

I’ve just started maternity leave for baby number two and so with baby not born yet and my nanny still working looking after DS (we want to keep her so she is staying whilst I am on mat leave looking after DD whilst I focus on baby and then I am going back to work at 4-5 months as I need to keep paying her - the alternative is making her redundant and starting again with a new nanny when I go back to work and that would be awful for everyone) so i’m feeling the guilt too!

But you need time to rest and recover from your own illness and as you said, he has the tail end of a cold not bubonic plague. As others have said, the nursery will certainly call if little one isn’t well enough to be there!

I’m combining rest with life admin (dentist, hairdresser, eye checks, visits to elderly relatives who I struggle to have enough time for normally) and more detailed housework like de-cluttering/ deep cleaning so I feel a bit more sorted when baby comes (and rested!)

If you are anything like me working in the week then caring for a toddler at weekends then you will be constantly exhausted and run-down and chasing your own tail. A day or so to build up your reserves is an excellent idea.

EastEndQueen · 05/02/2019 15:17

*looking after DS

DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/02/2019 15:29

Good go people are being purposely obtuse. If you are off work because you are ill and your child isn't feeling great then yes you should keep them at home, why because it is best for the child to be in the comfort of their own home, access to food, water, a place to sleep etc at any point for theor own comfort. Some selfish people on here!

Obtuse is indeed the word! I would imagine the OP is in fact the person best placed to decide whether her own child is well enough to go to nursery and whether his needs will be sufficiently catered for, don't you think?

BlueThesaurusRex · 05/02/2019 15:55

I live for my AL days when DS is in nursery Grin
Well, not quite but you get the idea!

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 15:56

I would imagine the OP is in fact the person best placed to decide whether her own child is well enough to go to nursery and whether his needs will be sufficiently catered for, don't you think?

Quite. Except for the fact that she posted on here asking for people's opinions. Don't be surprised that people have given them.