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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 10:34

And I’m asking a different question. Yes, or no?

CostanzaG · 05/02/2019 10:35

I have a days a/l booked for Friday. It's my birthday and DS WILL be going to nursery. I plan on sleeping and reading.

We'll collect him early and go out for tea and we have a fun weekend planned but i'm soooooooooooo looking forward to a day to myself. I won't feel an ounce of guilt

SarahAndQuack · 05/02/2019 10:36

If her toddler is anything like mine, he'd probably prefer nursery than getting bored with a mum who's inexplicably slow and bleary-looking.

birdonawire1 · 05/02/2019 10:36

Oh goodness, go easy on yourself. Take a lemsip and curl up in bed for a snooze. DS will be happier in nursery and so will you x

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 10:36

jelly

I'm not buying into your desperate attempts at derailing my answer to the OP.

The OP asked a question, an AIBU question at that, I answered it, based on OP circumstances today, which is when the question was regarding.

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 10:37

I have a days a/l booked for Friday. It's my birthday and DS WILL be going to nursery. I plan on sleeping and reading.

Presumably your child is fit and well though so that's not the same?

DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/02/2019 10:38

Nope. Never said anything of the sort. What I said was that it doesn't matter in order to answer the OP. The question was about the circumstances TODAY.

Surely the question/circumstance TODAY is "I feel really ill and have the option of using alternative childcare whilst I recuperate, AIBU to use that option?"

flamingofridays · 05/02/2019 10:38

Presumably your child is fit and well

so is op's. He's got the tail end of a cold, not the black plague.

Do you actually keep your kids off school if they've got a cold?

JellycatElfie · 05/02/2019 10:39

Desperate attempt, eh? Lovely avoidance of the question! The OP is perfectly entitled to a day off from looking after her child who has a cough and cold (presumably like the rest of the kids at nursery) and shouldn’t be made to feel guilty. I think you know that you can’t anawer my question because her child would’ve been sent if she was at work today. Regardless of whether the OP has a day off her child is well enough to attend nursery - she’s not an unfit mother and the nursery would’ve called to send him home by now. Smile

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 10:40

OP themselves said the child was not 100%

Chinks123 · 05/02/2019 10:40

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Don’t feel guilty op!! If your child was actually still ill then I would say it would be unreasonable. But he’s at the tail end like you say, he caught it there anyway..
Parents need rest sometimes for their own health and to be able to parent at their best. I had a day off last week and used it to paint the house and have a nap. If other mums want to blame others for “palming off” their kids then Smile A latte and Netflix sounds lovely!

flamingofridays · 05/02/2019 10:41

"not 100%" and "too ill to attend nursery" are not the same thing.

CostanzaG · 05/02/2019 10:41

Presumably your child is fit and well though so that's not the same?

Actually he's a bit snuffly and has a cough....just like most young children at this time of year. Definitely not too ill to attend nursery though.

Original poster
Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 10:41

kindlyplay honestly how often are 16 month olds 100% fit and well? Maybe mines broken but between teething those horrible big molars, picking up sniffles and coughs I really can’t remember the last time he didn’t have a runny nose or a cough for longer than a few days? And I completely trust that nursery are very sensible and would (as they have in the past) call me to come and get him if he had a temperature or was genuinely unwell

OP posts:
Andtheskyisgrey · 05/02/2019 10:42

The child does not know one way or the other if her parent is at home or at work, going to nursery is just part of a daily routine. To suggest that a parent should never carve out a day to themselves and to do so makes you a bad mother is pearl clutching martyrdom.

If the parent is unwell, the child is highly likely to have a more fun, stimulating day at nursery than stuck at home with a sick parent. Taking them to nursery in these circumstances is actually in their best interests. It would be a selfish parent who chose to deliberately allow their child a day of boredom.

flamingofridays · 05/02/2019 10:43

mine had an ear infection last week. He had one afternoon off, and I got one phonecall to say he was a little off it, and they were keeping an eye on his temp (that was fine!) and giving him cuddles. He was fine when I picked him up.

not being 100% is really not the same as being too poorly for nursery.

Justwaitingforaline · 05/02/2019 10:44

Enjoy the leave and your time to yourself. My work rota means that every other week I have 8-6 alone while DD is at pre school - I genuinely think it keeps me sane Grin

Lazypuppy · 05/02/2019 10:45

You've already paif for it, i would 100% send my dd in.

I took her in last week when it snowed, there was only 6 kids there they had a great time!

Also, my dd pretty much always has a cold, so if i kept her off till she was 100% she'd never go to nursery

DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/02/2019 10:45

OP themselves said the child was not 100%

You're just being obtuse. It's not as black and white as you are making out. A child who is not "100%" is not necessarily so ill they cannot take part in normal everyday life, as you well know.

TadaTralala · 05/02/2019 10:46

Yep, I've done that! Rest, relaxation and a cuppa in peace.

kindlyplay · 05/02/2019 10:46

To suggest that a parent should never carve out a day to themselves and to do so makes you a bad mother is pearl clutching martyrdom.

I agree with you 100%. In fact when mine were in nursery I often chose a weekday off to enjoy to myself. What I didn't do however, was send a DC into nursery when they had been ill and were still not 100% well.

toomuchtooold · 05/02/2019 10:46

Sunday89 I don't have a single picture of either of my kids at that age where they are not covered in spots, dribble or snotter. They're 6 now and I was amazed to discover that some of our Calpol has gone out of date. We used to use that stuff so often it was on the shopping list like milk and bread

flamingofridays · 05/02/2019 10:46

kindly do you send your kids to school with a cold?

MissB83 · 05/02/2019 10:48

Nope! My son is in nursery and I'm not in work until next week. Been looking after him on my own for 11 months, having a well deserved rest!! You deserve some time to recuperate. As someone said to me: you can't pour from an empty vessel. You'll find the rest of the week easier if you rest and recover. Netflix and cuppa! Grin

ethelfleda · 05/02/2019 10:51

YANBU OP - use the time to yourself to rest and get better! If the nursery calls you to pick him up then do be it. But you need to get yourself better and these days don’t come along often Smile