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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
wishywashy6 · 07/02/2019 00:21

Well you were getting a bit touchy. They probably are, I still feel a bit sorry for them having a mother that thinks children make you miserable and boring!

Was I? 🤨 I shall pass on your sympathies to them, although they're really not required.
Just to clarify though I didn't mean all children made parents miserable and boring, I just wondered if yours were the reason you're coming across that way on this thread.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 07:35

Sorry, why does thinking a mother putting her child into nursery when he's not very well, while she is off work anyway is u reasonable make me miserable and boring?

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 07:38

God this is tedious. I'm don't repeating myself now. I still think the OP was being selfish, and I still can't understand why, the teacher from earlier bothered having children.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 07:47

Oh and all g = along

CostanzaG · 07/02/2019 09:13

When you worked in a nursery did you judge the parents and the reasons why they were using the nursery?

What makes you qualified to pass judgement on other people's perfectly valid parenting choices?

Should childcare be only used if you are working? What about trips away, nights out, couple time, or in this case rest!!

My DS want to nursery one day a week from 6 months, while I was still on mat leave to give me time to rest and catch up with house stuff. Thankfully, the staff at the nursery we use weren't judgemental in the slightest.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 09:39

Presumably he wasn't ill though. Not sure why everyone is skipping over that bit now. Oh no wait, I do know why.

Also you have no idea when someone is judging you. The people working in the nursery are unlikely to express how they feel because it wouldn't be professional. I don't need to be professional on mumsnet 😂. I'm a cm now and if parents send their sick children to me while they are at home, yes I judge them, not many people wouldn't in that situation. If they send their child in good health and have a day to themselves, I wouldn't judge.
If I looked after a teachers child and they sent the child to me for their usual days while they were off for the whole summer holidays, I would think they were a bit selfish, would I say that to them? probably not because I need to make a living. I wouldn't do it, because I like having my children with me if I'm off (which doesn't happen often). I judge based on my own feelings towards my kids.

CostanzaG · 07/02/2019 09:50

But why judge at all? It is possible to think it's not the way you would do it but not think negatively of those that do it differently.
That teacher bringing their kids to you are providing you with an income and livelihood yet you'd judge them? Why is that your place?

Anyway, you clearly feel it's your right to pass judgement on other parents whereas I think it's pretty poor form. I wouldn't argue with you IRL because as soon as you made the 'why bother having them' comment I wouldn't have wasted anymore time on you. I still think that was beyond disgraceful and as someone who looks after children for a living I can't believe you don't see that.

StreetwiseHercules · 07/02/2019 10:57

Some of the replies on this thread are right down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass and out the other end of insane.

  1. The very idea that sending a child to nursery is “palming them off”. WTF? It is good for children to go to nursery. It is better for children than being at home.
  1. The idea that wanting a bit of peace is bad. It’s not. And anyone who says it is, is a fruit loop.
  1. The idea that children should only go to nursery if they are “100%”. How do you quantify that? Children build up immunity from other people. Having a bit of a.cold doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go to work, or school, or nursery.
  1. The idea that people who have to work for a living can just be off every time their child is very slightly unwell. Not reality.

Some people really need a reality check.

StreetwiseHercules · 07/02/2019 11:02

“Why do parents think it's some sort of godgiven right to still have time to themselves when they choose to have a family? Beats me!!”

Everyone has the right to mental health. Everyone should be able to have at least some time to themselves. Parenthood is not a sentence to years of unending labour and people are better parents if they have good mental health.

Can you honestly not fathom how never having any time to yourself can damage someone?

Is this the utter nadir that this discussion has reached?

Gottalovesummer · 07/02/2019 11:56

Just to confirm that not all childminders judge parents.

I certainly don't.

LadyFlumpalot · 07/02/2019 12:10

@Drogosnextwife you said:

"If I looked after a teachers child and they sent the child to me for their usual days while they were off for the whole summer holidays, I would think they were a bit selfish"

Presumably you wouldn't charge the teacher for those days if they choose to keep their children at home then?

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:37

Of course I would, but probably half fee. Doesn't change my opinion on them being a bit selfish though. As usual all about money, it's quite sad.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:39

Anyway, you clearly feel it's your right to pass judgement on other parents whereas I think it's pretty poor form. I wouldn't argue with you IRL because as soon as you made the 'why bother having them' comment I wouldn't have wasted anymore time on you.

You don't mind doing it on here though eh? Bit hypocritical to ask me if I would do something irl, as though if I didn't IABU to do it on here, yet you have done exactly that.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:40

I still think that was beyond disgraceful and as someone who looks after children for a living I can't believe you don't see that.

I think it's disgraceful that someone with such good holidays doesn't want to spend that time with their child!

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:42

StreetwiseHercules

Yeah that was a sarcastic comment mad by that poster. I know it wasn't easy to figure that out at first given that the rest of the post was actually pretty accurate.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:43

you'd judge them? Why is that your place?

Climb down off your horse. Everyone judges everyone. Don't try and pretend to yourself that you don't. You really can't take the moral high ground with that one because you are no different.

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 12:45

Of course I would, but probably half fee. Doesn't change my opinion on them being a bit selfish though. As usual all about money, it's quite sad.

Nonsense. You are putting your interpretation of motives onto others.

Here’s why I sometimes keep DS2 in nursery when I’m off with DS1 in half terms or school holdays (DH and I split school breaks between us as much as possible apart from 1-2 weeks’ holiday each year).

DS2 gets a day a week of one on one time with me or DH as we both work compressed hours. DS1 would never get that time if we always had DS2 home when he was on holidays and we were home with him.

So sometimes DS2 goes to nursery while we do things that are specifically focused on his elder brother, because the 7 year old benefits from it and needs it just as much as the 3 year old, and the 3 year old gets more of that dedicated time anyway.

Not money. Balancing what’s best for everyone in the family, not only the youngest person.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:45

*Just to confirm that not all childminders judge parents.

I certainly don't.*

Oh no you do trust me. Like I said everyone judges others at some point. My parents would never know I felt that way if they did bring their child through their 8 week holiday, so not sure why it bothers you all so much.

CostanzaG · 07/02/2019 12:47

Know me personally do you? Don't judge everyone by your low standards. I don't judge other parents and the decisions they make.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:48

JassyRadlett

I honestly couldn't give 2 shiney shits why you do, what you do with your kids. Still judging it, but it has no impact on my life.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:50

Know me personally do you? Don't judge everyone by your low standards. I don't judge other parents and the decisions they make.

Oh but you do, your judgement is just that you think it's ok.

SummerStrong · 07/02/2019 12:50

OP posted on here for opinions and she's getting them, she's opened herself up to judgement on the AIBU board, so she must be able to take others opinions surely?

Personally I wouldn't send a child into nursery with the tail end of a cold, I would worry he would've better off at home with his mum (and as she has a day off anyway I'm flabbergasted she packed him off to nursery) I would imagine all parents feel like this, but after reading this thread it appears not, it has been a real eye opener.

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2019 12:50

TBH childminders like Drogos and reading their posts on MN was the final deciding factor in choosing a nursery over CM for my kids. Because at least with a nursery there is less of a chance of one negative and malign influence being the overwhelming one my child is exposed to and more likely to be balanced by others. At my nursery many of them are themselves working parents.

Drogosnextwife · 07/02/2019 12:51

Don't judge everyone by your low standards.

What are these low standards?

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