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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 06/02/2019 22:18

Me and fellow working mums had a phrase that covered time off when dc were in nursery
Golden time

Starlight456 · 06/02/2019 22:18

I am a childminder . I encourage my parents to take some time to themselves.

It is important and paid for .

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:22

@Tunnocks34

😂 ok then, not sure why you feel the need to justify them to me if you are perfectly happy. I find it odd personally that's all.

Now off you fuck 🙄 oh ffs, how clever.

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 22:25

I was interested as like I said I often find these types of judgements aimed at women but rarely men. A simple question and far less offensive than your 'why did you bother having them' question.

I was trying to point out that as a society we all chose to parent differently - just because you don't personally know of any parents who choose parent a particular way doesn't mean it doesn't happen or that there is anything wrong with the way they do it. Yes we draw from our own experiences but most of us can understand the limitations of our own experiences and networks.

You are just coming across as incredibly judgemental. Instead of calling people shit parents why can't you understand and accept that other people choices are different but no better or worse than your choices?

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:28

This has turned into a rant about me apparently not thinking parents should get anytime to themselves.... Actually I said I don't think it's great that a child is sent to nursery while not feeling great and their mum is at home. Also find it strange that a teacher with 13 weeks holiday sends her child to nursery for his usual days while she is off. As usual on MN it gets blown way out of proportion and everyone claims they don't give a fuck what anyone thinks, yet the tone of their posts, and the massive rants say different.

Sunhill4 · 06/02/2019 22:29

Not sure the point in even bothering the question when you don't like the answers! If you just feel guilty for dumping your poorly child in nursery and want everyone to tell you that's ok - don't post on MN?!

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:32

@CostanzaG

No it was a desperate attempt at trying to paint me as a misogynist.

You are just coming across as incredibly judgemental. Instead of calling people shit parents why can't you understand and accept that other people choices are different but no better or worse than your choices?

I actually did not say that once. Again, this is AIBU, my answer is yes, I think the OP was. You don't have to judge me based on that bit you are. If you are on AIBU arguing with someone you are judging them, don't be a hypocrite!

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:35

Not sure the point in even bothering the question when you don't like the answers! If you just feel guilty for dumping your poorly child in nursery and want everyone to tell you that's ok - don't post on MN?!

^My point exactly, but your not allowed to disagree on this thread apparently.

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 22:37

Call me what you like. At least I've not asked another women why she bothered having children today....simply because I didn't agree with her parenting choices.
You really should be ashamed for that comment alone.

I hope when you worked in a nursery you showed the parents you interacted with more respect and refrained from judging their choices.

Sunhill4 · 06/02/2019 22:38

Drogo totally agree with you, why bother having children when they are such a nuisance to people? In years gone by how on earth did mothers cope having to actually bring their own children up without Netflix/spa/shopping days. Why do parents think it's some sort of godgiven right to still have time to themselves when they choose to have a family? Beats me!!

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 22:39

Also ...there is a difference between opinion and judgement. You don't have to come on here and judge people. It is possible to just offer an opinion.

Canuckduck · 06/02/2019 22:43

Doesn’t every mother like ‘palm their children off to get a bit of peace’.

All children have runny noses all winter at nursery. It doesn’t mean they are too unwell to attend,

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:56

You really should be ashamed for that comment alone

I really don't.

JassyRadlett · 06/02/2019 22:57

No that is what she wrote.

No, she really didn’t. If you’re going to play at being a GF, at least do it properly.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:57

Also ...there is a difference between opinion and judgement. You don't have to come on here and judge people. It is possible to just offer an opinion.

There really isn't.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:59

There must have been a reason the OP felt she had to post on AIBU.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 23:01

Why do parents think it's some sort of godgiven right to still have time to themselves when they choose to have a family? Beats me!!

Hmmm, good one.

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 23:05

Yes there is. I spend a lot of my time teaching university students that.....
Judgement is inherently biased. You are saying one thing is better than another. You assign value to it.....

Opinion is different. It isn't saying one way is better than the other. It's typically you saying that the evidence leads me to believe X but that doesn't necessarily discount Y.

In the case of this post you could have said that for you and your child this wouldn't be something you would do but that doesn't necessarily mean what OP chose to do was wrong. Instead you made a value based judgements on the OP and other posters parenting styles.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 23:06

OP: "Should I have sent my sick child to nursery? He's been off ill but now I'm not feeling very good so just want to go home and do the housework and watch Netflix and not be bpthered by him. After all I have paid for it and really whats more important than that?"

Everyone on MN " YANBU. He is fine, you are clearly at deaths door and need time to yourself. You have paod for the day and that's all thats important. Doesn't matter if he's not feeling great he will manage. Go for a spa day"

😂 it's fucking comical sometimes.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 23:09

OP didnt ask what other people would do, she asked if she was being unreasonable! I think she was. Call that an opinion or a judgement, it makes absolutely no difference to me.

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 23:12

😂 it's fucking comical sometimes

Why is it so funny?

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 23:15

What is funny is your misrepresentation of the OP. Paraphrasing isn't your strong point drogo

DontMakeMeShushYou · 06/02/2019 23:28

Only of their kids are of very well like OPs.

Fuck knows what you actually meant to write there.

I have absolutely no problem with nurseries, I've worked in one 😂 but yeah that's what it is

Ah yes! You've worked in one bloody awful and badly run nursery so you think they must all be the same. Thankfully they're not.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 23:44

Fuck knows what you actually meant to write there.

Cba to actually go back and see what I ment.

Ah yes! You've worked in onebloody awful and badly runnursery so you think they must all be the same. Thankfully they're not.

Fuck knows why you would think it was a badly run nursery. This has absolutely nothing to do with the nursery and how well it's run. It has do with the fact the OPs child was not feeling well. There was honestly no point to that comment at all.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 23:47

What did it even mean? "Ah yes!" Like you have cracked some code. 😂 did that make you feel a bit clever?