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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put toddler in nursery when I have a days annual leave?

312 replies

Sunday89 · 05/02/2019 09:47

My 16 month goes to nursery 4 days per week and enjoys it. He was poorly last week and we ended up taking an extra day and a half off between me and DH to keep him off. He’s pretty much better now just a cough and runny nose but he’s passed his bugs onto me and I feel grotty Sad
I had a day booked off today to use up leave before I lose it and had thought about doing something fun together, but I feel really rough and had a terrible night sleep so I’ve ended up dropping him into nursery (as it’s all paid for anyway).
Now I’m feeling aaaallll the guilt about leaving him there when he’s not 100% better himself yet, and wondering about whether to pick him up after his lunch. But then the other side of me wants to enjoy my day off, do a bit of house tidying then lie on the sofa and watch Netflix Blush AIBU!!?? And what would you do...

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 08:42

Have a day off drogo we all know what parenting is...how about less judgement and more support eh?

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 09:53

CostanzaG

It's AIBU ffs, I can have my opinion and put it forward, that's what the OP asked for, opinions. Or maybe I've been doing AIBU wrong all these years and actually you can only post if you agree with the OP... probably not though.

JassyRadlett · 06/02/2019 10:11

That's what you sign up to when you have a child, occasionally having to look after sick children even if you don't feel great yourself.

Even when there are other people who can look after that not-particularly-sick child and give them a much more active and interesting time than their poorly parent. Excellent choice. Grin

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 11:14

Dont kid yourself OP was fine, she managed to get cleaning done and now she's feeling much better, after a few hours. Ok then. Why is every one acting like the OP was at deaths door?

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 11:16

I wonder if this thread will still be going when the OP's DS is at uni, emotionally scarred from his afternoon at nursery 🤔

Was that an attempt at humour? 😂

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 12:32

It's AIBU ffs, I can have my opinion and put it forward, that's what the OP asked for, opinions. Or maybe I've been doing AIBU wrong all these years and actually you can only post if you agree with the OP... probably not though

There are opinions and then there is just pure judgement expressed to make people feel like shit.

JellycatElfie · 06/02/2019 12:54

I wonder if this thread will still be going when the OP's DS is at uni, emotionally scarred from his afternoon at nursery 🤔

Was that an attempt at humour? 😂

I mean it made me laugh. There’s going to be a ton of kids in therapy seeing as we’re all shit moms.

Tunnocks34 · 06/02/2019 13:09

I must be a monster then because even during school holidays (I’m a teacher), I still keep my youngest in nursery three days a week and if my eldest son Is in school, as our holidays don’t always align, then I just sit at home watching murder shows.

We have also been known to put our older son in holiday club so OH and I can spend the day together - child free.

Crockof · 06/02/2019 13:40

I'd have put him in nursery even if I felt perfectly well. There is nothing wrong with self care it makes us better parents.

ButtMuncher · 06/02/2019 13:56

Jesus wept. In a toddlers first year at nursery they are not 100% about 60% of the time 😂 Colds, coughs, teething. My nursery staff have reliably informed me that the distraction of nursery actually helps children learn to understand when ill means ill and what means 'mild inconvenience' - a child will let you know when they are too ill to participate in activity, and in that scenario, the child would be sent home. This is none so more important in that first winter of being exposed to germs which help immune systems - nursery staff are trained to understand the difference between slightly under the weather and ill. Fucking hell, do some of you take sick days for a runny nose or something 😂

YANBU OP anyway. I've sent DS into nursery countless times when I've had annual leave. I need it for self care, selfish needs and in order to be a better parent. My son learns far more at nursery than he could do with me trying to do housework. I spent months of my maternity leave with chronic migraines and having to see it through when all I wanted to do was die on the sofa quietly, so I'll gratefully send him in if he's bright enough and happy.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 15:06

*I must be a monster then because even during school holidays (I’m a teacher), I still keep my youngest in nursery three days a week and if my eldest son Is in school, as our holidays don’t always align, then I just sit at home watching murder shows.

We have also been known to put our older son in holiday club so OH and I can spend the day together - child free.*

Why did you bother having them?

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 15:08

There are opinions and then there is just pure judgement expressed to make people feel like shit.

Yeah well having an opinion usually means judging something based on your own feelings. Why would my opinion make the OP feel like shit? If she didn't want it she really shouldn't have asked.

Original poster
Sunday89 · 06/02/2019 15:13

I don’t feel like shit Grin I mean I still have a cold so am probably not 100% yet but guess what? I’m in work and little one is in nursery - life goes on! And thankfully most people seem to understand that sometimes when you’re not feeling well the last thing you want is to have to entertain, educate and parent. If it wasn’t the weekend or the day he doesn’t go to nursery of course I would have got on with it as we don’t have family nearby to step in but actually as a days nursery had already been paid for - why not use it as like I already said they did a better job than I would have done yesterday.
Drogos I’m not sure why you’re still trying to make people feel bad about that Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunday89 · 06/02/2019 15:15

If it was the weekend even...

OP posts:
CatsPawsAndWhiskers · 06/02/2019 15:16

If he was lying around with not much energy and not interested in playing then I would keep him at home. But you've said he was running around playing and just has the end of a cold so I think it's fine to send him. I'm presuming he enjoys nursery. It sounds like he'll have a more exciting day at nursery than being at home with you feeling poorly lying on the sofa.

Hopefully after a day's rest you will be feeling much better.

CatsPawsAndWhiskers · 06/02/2019 15:19

I've just realised this was yesterday anyway.

Hope you are feeling better.

wishywashy6 · 06/02/2019 15:45

@Drogosnextwife who's rearing your young while you pull apart everyone else's parenting? 😱

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 16:01

Me, I'm also "rearing" other people's young so I have seen first hand what people mean when they say their child is "feeling better".

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 16:04

Drogos I’m not sure why you’re still trying to make people feel bad about that

What was there 2 or 3 people including myself that disagreed with your decision. That's not "trying to make you feel bad". I'll say again, it's called an opinion, one you actively asked for. If you feel bad it's not on me it's on you, if you don't, like you said you don't then good for you.

CostanzaG · 06/02/2019 16:09

drogo there are opinions and there are comments like this Why bother having them? What an absolutely disgusting comment.

There are ways of expressing an opinion and not coming across as superior and judgemental.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 16:38

There are ways of expressing an opinion and not coming across as superior and judgemental.

How would you have preferred I expressed that opinion so as not to offend?

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 16:39

Also that wasn't an opinion. That was a question that I was genuinely interested to hear the answer to.

Tunnocks34 · 06/02/2019 16:54

drago oh do fuck off.

My children are loved, as well they know. But if I have to pay for nursery in the holidays then my youngest son can attend it. I use this time to either do activities aimed at my older son such as laser quest, cinema, bowling or if he’s still in school then I use it to chill out, watch TV, maybe do housework.

My children spend an abundance of time with us, we spend every weekend together. I pick them up from school every day and we sit round the table every night for a family dinner. They are read plenty of stories each night and cuddled within an inch of their lives by OH and I.

But yes we do have days off, yes OH and I do occasionally put my oldest son into holiday club for ONE day so We can go for an uninterrupted meal, or to watch a film that isn’t Disney at the cinema. Yes I do sometimes drop them both off in childcare and come home, watch criminal minds and eat a family sized bag of minstrels.

But my children are adored, they are content and happy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 17:04

My children spend an abundance of time with us, we spend every weekend together. I pick them up from school every day and we sit round the table every night for a family dinner. They are read plenty of stories each night and cuddled within an inch of their lives by OH and I.

I really didn't ask for a run down of what you do with your children. If your happy sticking them into nursery for half the time you are off in the summer holidays then that's your choice. I don't really care. I was just interested as to why you had children if you wanted someone else to raise them while you were kicking about at home during the what, 12 weeks that you are not working through the year.

wishywashy6 · 06/02/2019 17:05

@Tunnocks34 👏🏼👏🏼

It is perfectly possible to achieve a balance where parents can enjoy child free time (without guilt) in the knowledge that their little angels are being well cared for. A well rested and happy parent is a better parent in my opinion. Perhaps you should try having a break from yours for a day @Drogosnextwife, maybe you wouldn't be such a miserable bore 🤷🏼‍♀️
My mum rarely had anyone to help her when me and my sister were little, we didn't go to nursery or school clubs or anything, my dad worked away for weeks at a time and I remember her being exhausted and sometimes tearful trying to keep everything together. If I could go back and stick us in nursery for the afternoon so she could put her feet up for a bit I would

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