To be sick of people wishing for a small baby?

[Bigonesmallone3]

I'm around a lot of pregnant people at the moment, me being one of them at 20 weeks and it really grinds my gears when these silly people wish for an early/small baby..
I find it a very shallow and naive comment considering it could be dangerous..
My last baby was monitored daily and eventually induced through small bump (lack of water) and slowed growth..
Maybe that's why I gets to me I don't know, or when you see these poor babies that have been born early through no fault of there own and struggle!
AIBU to be irked by this?

My first was the most difficult birth, and he was the lightest. The next two births were fine. Fast, but fine.

@OutPinked in my old job I worked as part of a collaborative about preventing smoking pregnancy in a particularly high smoking/high poverty area. An alarming number of pregnant women said they smoked to ensure their baby was smaller so childbirth would be less painful

Well my son was 6 lb 13oz and I was in labour for 3 days. So I am glad I didn't have a bigger baby. He was born a few days short of term.

I'd rather have a smaller than average baby than a bigger than average baby and I suspect that's what most people mean. The smoking thing is nuts, assuming it is true. And you can't starve a baby, it's like a parasite and takes everything it can from the mum, the mum will be the one who starves - situations like a Nazi concentration camp aside.

And a damaged vagina isn't funny - it's not about whether men will be put off by it! A small baby will get bigger and be fine, assuming they were not so premie that they suffer immediate or long term health problems. If you have torn your undercarriage badly you may never recover fully.

However, take the point that it's more about the size of the head than overall size.

when people say "small baby" I doubt they mean "very small critically ill baby on a ventilator" im guessing they mean what a 6-7 pounder.

doesn't really matter anyway, mine was 7lb 7 so not massive and I still needed stitches!

Mine (expected in 8 weeks) is measuring 99th centile for everything, including head. Whilst I appreciate this can't be 100% accurate, it is unnerving to hear and I could really do without incontinence, a prolapse on top of the unbelievable piles and pressure I already have.

Of course it's natural to hope for a smaller than a bigger. Small to me right now would be an 8 pounder!!!

Valanice, I can't say much as to the veracity of the claim, but my DM did tell me that I was lucky I was still smoking lol.
I've never had a vaginal birth, so I don't know what difference a big baby might make, as I don't even know what a normal sized baby does, but it was just one of those things I never questioned. Like my friend who's a midwife. I never asked her why.

I think the size of the baby probably relates to the birthing rather than the labour pains.

My little girl was born at 38 weeks after I was induced as she was on the small side, she was 4lb9 at birth, still hurt as hell and I had a second degree tear😭

I remember the consultant talking about small babies to me and said “less to push out”, I remember thinking I would rather have a baby at a healthy birth weight!

She’s still a little dot now at 8 months, and she’s extremely healthy and giving me the run around! X

I think that this illustrates beautifully how many women's fears are ignored regarding childbirth, and prompts some to take desperate (and unwise) measures such as smoking or starving themselves.
Wouldn't it be great if we were given proper, factual, unbiased information regarding the risks of childbirth and were then supported to decide upon the mode of delivery of our choice (ELCS or home birth too).

It's not even just head circumference it's their position (and mum's) when crowning - tiniest head in the world but coming out with their hand by their face or even just chin forward instead of tucked still isn't ideal.

Do they? how selfish! Poor babies.

Forgot to add - I’ve had two 6 pounders, and still needed stitches with one of them!
Surely damage to the vagina is all down to position of baby, position of mum, type of delivery etc?

I'm of an age where most of my friends and relatives have children and I've never, ever heard any of them wish for an early or snall baby.

One friend faught for a 38w c section (it was planned for 39 weeks) but this was to avoid being in hospital for her older DC birthday.

It took 1h30 to push my first out and suffered many tears. She was 8 pounds.

I pushed my second in less than 15mns and no tears. He was 9 pounds.

One friend faught for a 38w c section (it was planned for 39 weeks) but this was to avoid being in hospital for her older DC birthday
Really? My second was due in my first birthday. It didn't cross my mind for a second to demand a c-section to avoid them sharing the same birthday.

Well, my (fullterm) baby was 5.1lb and needed a bit of help. Do I wish she hadn't needed it? Yes of course. Am I glad I didn't have a whopper and needed surgery etc? Yes of course

I’ve birthed 2 big babies and I’ve had a rectal (still got) and bladder prolapse which I’ve both been attributed to the size of the baby. Both babies are healthy but I’ve been left with birth injuries I’ll never completely recover from so yeah you can fuck off with your ‘tighter vagina for my husband’ theory I’d just be happy to not piss or shit myself every time I sneeze/cough thanks.

Bigger babies arent easier to push out considering mine got stuck, that saying also annoys me 🙄

@CookingGood I'm so sorry to hear about your birth injuries. This is exactly why people mention they would be happy to have smaller babies.

Yes, I think YABU - unless you have had people telling you they want a tiny, ill baby. These days, a perfectly normaly, healthy 6.5 lb baby seems to be considered small by a lot of people - and a baby born at 37 weeks considered early, even though that is officially to term. Tbvh, I think you are being a bit ridiculous to think anyone actually means they want a poorly, premature baby rather than a healthy baby on the smaller side of normal and on the earlier side of normal.

As a midwife I hear this quite a lot. Agree with the poster who said some women take up smoking just to have a small baby. What they don't realise is it's a small baby that can't cope with labour so often becomes distressed, resulting in more intervention.

And tbh, if you want to be hypersensitive about it, women who naturally had relatively small, healthy babies could be seriously pissed off with you for apparently being insensitive enough to imply that small babies are never healthy.

@roundaboutthetown
If your going to post read the thread

@roundaboutthetown I agree with @Bigonesmallone3 tbh; if you're going to post this at all expect to be told that people don't agree and you're being U!

I meant that the other way round!!