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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to rehome my destructive dog?

178 replies

novaclover · 04/02/2019 18:30

I'm rehoming my dog. When we adopted him as a puppy we had no idea what breed he was or what his temprement would be, and now we're left with a high energy, anxious, destructive dog who since our other dog died can't be left alone for more than an hour. He can escape crates, long walks don't stop his anxiety, he'll happily go to the bathroom inside and he will literally tear doors off of cupboards rather than play with his own toys. We've tried everything but it seems like the only solution will be to make sure he has company 24/7, which is obviously impossible.

The guilt is eating me alive and I feel like a failure because I can't cope anymore. It's been 6 years and today I came home to find all of my baby's toys had been destroyed despite me putting them in a high sided playpen.

AIBU to rehome him?

OP posts:
werideatdawn · 04/02/2019 18:32

You say you've tried everything. What exactly have you tried? It's easier to help if we know what hasn't worked..

Jenb2104 · 04/02/2019 18:34

Yes you are being unreasonable. Your dog needs help, he's obviously suffering from separation anxiety and it sounds as though he's pretty miserable. There are dog trainers that will be able to help you. I couldn't just give up on my dog but if you aren't willing to get him the help he needs perhaps the best thing would be for you to take him to a decent rescue that will prepare him for being rehomed.

recrudescence · 04/02/2019 18:35

It sounds as if you have made your decision - it doesn’t matter whether people here agree with it. If you are confident that you have done what a good and reasonable person would then forgive yourself for not being up to the challenge of this dog.

buzzzzzzz · 04/02/2019 18:35

Have you had a behaviourist in first?

You really should try that as an option and if you have your dog insured some policies will cover the cost.

If you aren’t willing to work on it then how do you plan to rehome? Hopefully not yourself through adverts because let’s face it, a dog showing this sort of behaviour is the sort that finds itself passed round from home to home, potentially being abused and locked outside in the cold until someone puts it down.

A rescue is he only option if you are going to rehome and you will have to be prepared for them to say he needs to go on a waiting list as rescue spaces are very limited.

If you really can’t manage and behaviour modification isn’t working, then the dog is clearly unhappy so rehoming in the right way is really not the cruellest thing you could do, although some people may tell you otherwise.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 18:35

What breed has he turned out to be the most?

Confusedbeetle · 04/02/2019 18:37

What are you going to tell the new owners? If he can be helped, help him. If not he needs to be put down

WhatTheNightBrings · 04/02/2019 18:38

Are you looking for advice?

MoreCheeseDear · 04/02/2019 18:40

YANBU. You can't cope with him, let someone else have a try.

Original poster
novaclover · 04/02/2019 18:47

@werideatdawn We've tried crate training on the advice of the rescue we adopted him from, we then tried only leaving him for small but increasingly longer periods of time but even after 30 minutes it would be a coin toss if he'd weed or pooed inside or destroyed something. He would seem perfectly content when we left, it was impossible to know if it was going to be a destructive day or a normal day. Varying the length and frequency of walks doesn't have any affect. We've tried leaving him in one safe space, we've tried letting him explore the whole house. Having company (our other dog) seemed to be a settling influence to some extent but now he's passed away and nothing is working anymore.

OP posts:
LadyBunker · 04/02/2019 18:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Original poster
novaclover · 04/02/2019 18:49

He has a space in a good, reputable rescue who know about his problems.

OP posts:
werideatdawn · 04/02/2019 18:59

The problem you have is that if he has severe separation anxiety it will be near impossible to solve because you'll need a period of time where he is never left at all, ever and then slowly left in very tiny increments (seconds..minutes..etc). You say that isn't possible for you so if I'm honest I would look at rehoming. I don't think people should keep dogs regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes it's not in the dog's best interests to stay where they are.
If you do feel up to really dedicating your time to solving the separation anxiety the 'dog training advice and support' group on facebook are fantastic and could guide you through it.

PinkGin24 · 04/02/2019 19:09

Yep YABU. Would you rehome a naughty child or would you try to get to the bottom of the issues.

Eliza9917 · 04/02/2019 19:12

Give a home to another dog instead of adding to the rescues problems, if he was fine when you had two Hmm

BarbarianMum · 04/02/2019 19:12

What is it about the OPs posts that makes you think she hasn't tried to get to the bottom of the issue pink?

bluetongue · 04/02/2019 19:16

You don’t mention getting expert help in. Your dog really needs help from someone with the right qualifications such as a behaviourist or even a specialist vet.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/02/2019 19:23

Yep YABU. Would you rehome a naughty child or would you try to get to the bottom of the issues

It’s a dog . Not a human

I feel Sorry for the dog but frustrates me how we will eat most animals and then for some reason dogs are sacrosanct

Let him move on .

CatsForLife · 04/02/2019 19:25

YANBU How on earth can pp compare a destructive dog to re-homing a naughty child?! It sounds miserable OP. I’m a dog owner but they are not children, they are animals and yes he needs help, but if OP has tried everything, someone else needs to step in and take him on. There’s no pint in getting another dog just to keep him company as it could be out of the frying pan into the fire. You can’t put an animal before your sanity, wellbeing and family life.

Original poster
novaclover · 04/02/2019 19:26

@eliza9917 If I don’t have the time or resources to dedicate to rehabilitating a dog that I love very much, what would make you think it would be a good idea to get another dog? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
novaclover · 04/02/2019 19:30

@bluetongue We did speak to our vet and the rescue we adopted him from and they couldn’t give us any additional advice, we really can’t afford a behaviourist and it would be unlikely that either of us would actually be able to dedicate 100% of our time and attention to rehabilitation due to other commitments.

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 04/02/2019 19:32

Bangs head on wall, leaves thread.

MoreCheeseDear · 04/02/2019 19:34

Would you rehome a naughty child or would you try to get to the bottom of the issues.

What a ridiculous question. It's only a dog, FFS, not a child.

adaline · 04/02/2019 19:35

Do you do any brain games or training with him? What about daycare?

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/02/2019 19:43

I love dogs and generally think people should commit to them but this sounds like a severe case and maybe the place in the rescue that know him would be best. He really sounds like he needs someone who can literally be with him 24/7 and with a baby that isn't possible.

My parents bought a Rottweiler years ago from a breeder (I was only a toddler). Beautiful dog who was very much loved and wanted. My dad worked shifts as a police officer and my mum part time so she was never on her own for very long. She had food/water/plenty of toys/was taken on long walks each day.

However, she chewed everything carpets, curtains, wallpaper, clothes, a watch - you name it, she chewed it and she was a big dog!! My parents tried all sorts but nothing worked. My dad got advice from police for handlers through his work but even they couldn't solve the problem!

Eventually, they have her to a dog handler who was retiring and she went to live with him and his wife who were at home all of the time of took her with them - she never chewed anything and was happy as anything! She just needed someone all of the time!

Enidthecat · 04/02/2019 19:52

I do sympathise as its an extremely difficult situation, and I do think in your case it would be best to rehome as he clearly needs help and a reputable rescue will have behaviourists who can work with him. I have an extremely anxious cat and it is very time consuming working to try to help him to feel more comfortable.

But there is one bit that makes me feel yabu. I'm afraid that if you can't afford a behaviourist then you shouldn't have a dog. It's part and parcel of responsible pet ownership to be able to afford to care for your animal if they are sick, and behavioural issues are included in that. People seem to see behaviour as an afterthought and do not realise how important it is to deal with behaviour issues early on (usually by training when animal is young or new to you). If this doesn't happen then situations like yours are common and it's not really fair to expect a rescue to step in when there are so many other animals in need, because you are not willing to spend that money.