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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to rehome my destructive dog?

178 replies

novaclover · 04/02/2019 18:30

I'm rehoming my dog. When we adopted him as a puppy we had no idea what breed he was or what his temprement would be, and now we're left with a high energy, anxious, destructive dog who since our other dog died can't be left alone for more than an hour. He can escape crates, long walks don't stop his anxiety, he'll happily go to the bathroom inside and he will literally tear doors off of cupboards rather than play with his own toys. We've tried everything but it seems like the only solution will be to make sure he has company 24/7, which is obviously impossible.

The guilt is eating me alive and I feel like a failure because I can't cope anymore. It's been 6 years and today I came home to find all of my baby's toys had been destroyed despite me putting them in a high sided playpen.

AIBU to rehome him?

OP posts:
missbattenburg · 05/02/2019 17:11

Bangs head on wall, leaves thread.

Hang on! I'm coming with you.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 05/02/2019 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Stifledlife · 05/02/2019 17:19

You say the problems have begun since your other dog died. If they were bonded that explains a lot.

My dogs were bonded and one day the cleaner accidentally left one outside and one inside. When I came home 30 minutes later it was carnage. The dog shut outside (the younger one) had eaten through the hardwood and glass back door to get to the other dog. There was glass, wood and blood everywhere, and the dog was trapped halfway in the door with shards of glass sticking in his sides. That's how bonded dogs feel about each other.

Your poor dog had a confusing start and now the rug has been pulled yet again with the loss of the older dog, and you not being around.

I suspect he is terrified the whole time you're gone.

So into the "too hard" basket he goes..

Bellatrix14 · 05/02/2019 17:29

The emphasis people put on child is interesting. So is it OK to choose saving your pet over saving a strange adult? People over 18 are worth less than people under 18, but are they still worth more than dogs? Children are more important than adults, but is a child of 12 less worthy of being saved than a child of 5?
People are entitled to make their own decisions about who or what they would save in this hypothetical James Bond-esque scenario about saving someone from a sinking ship/burning building/rampaging elephant etc etc. It is an opinion. Hmm

OP no, I do not think you are being unreasonable to rehome your dog if you feel you have exhausted every other option that is viable for you and your family. He is obviously very unhappy. It is better to give him a chance to be happy than to insist on keeping him out a sense of loyalty.

lilyheather1 · 05/02/2019 17:49

I'd save my dogs before a stranger's children. Without a second glance.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 05/02/2019 17:59

I had a dog with bad separation anxiety and when I adopted her at around 9 months old she wrecked the place everytime went out,pooed and weed everywhere too Gin I got a large cage for her and put her in it if went out,she never did her business in it though.I thought dogs didn't in crates as a rule? I had to cut my hours down so I could do this as full time in a crate was obviously cruel.

BlueSlipperSocks · 05/02/2019 18:14

What does someone saving a dogs life before a child's have to do with this thread? How weird!

OP has a dog that is desperately unhappy. OP doesn't have time for the dog. She doesn't have the finances to bring in support to help her train her dog. She doesn't have finances for the dog to have a normal dogs life, via dog walker or daycare.

Just because she currently owns the dog doesn't mean she's the best person to keep it. The dog would have a much better life with an owner who will bond with him, love him, support his needs and value and respect him.

I hope the dog isn't left languishing in a rescue centre for too long before he finds the owner he deserves.

FenellaMaxwell · 05/02/2019 20:39

To be fair, I think I would save a stranger’s pet before you, too, at this point @MoreCheeseDear Hmm

PinkGin24 · 05/02/2019 20:44

@FenellaMaxwell, agreed. Would save a strangers stick insect first....Hmm

MoreCheeseDear · 06/02/2019 07:27

To be fair, I think I would save a stranger’s pet before you, too, at this point @MoreCheeseDear* *

Just about sums up the craziness of those who think animals matter more than people. You just cannot see how ridiculous you are. It's so sad that some people here are missing out on meaningful relationships with humans and have to resort to animals because they are incapable of forming human relationships. I'll leave you to your misery.

I really feel desperately sorry for you, you are missing so much.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 06/02/2019 08:23

Again, I have meaningful relationships with humans. I'm married with children, have a wonderful close family and we are all very happy. I'm not missing out on a single thing.

Would still save my pets over a stranger Smile

To be honest, if all strangers are like you, I'd save a sewer rat first. Your life must be really empty if you have to resort to insulting people on the internet. It's you I feel sorry for.

MoreCheeseDear · 06/02/2019 11:08

To be honest, if all strangers are like you, I'd save a sewer rat first. Your life must be really empty if you have to resort to insulting people on the internet. It's you I feel sorry for.

Wow! I haven't insulted anyone. Just find it hard to understand such a disturbing mindset. You do know it isn't normal? You can try to justify it all you like but it isn't normal. Really it isn't.

I feel no need to compare anyone to a sewer rat as you do. What a charmer you are. Maybe that's why you relate to animals. People don't like you. My life is very full of human love and companionship. You should try it.

Bellatrix14 · 06/02/2019 11:47

@MoreCheeseDear well you’ve called them crazy, ridiculous, implied that they’re living in misery and told them that nobody likes them. That’s pretty insulting, isn’t it?

It’s actually a very normal reaction to want to protect the things we love. There is no right or wrong answer to the dilemma (which is so unlikely to happen it’s not worth worrying about) so why don’t you just get on with considering all humans to be worth more than animals and let them get on with considering the animals they love to be worth more than humans they’ve never met before.

MirriVan · 06/02/2019 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 06/02/2019 12:57

You haven't insulted anyone? Have you even looked at what you've posted? You've called people vile names and made derogatory comments about their lives. Now you're saying they aren't normal, it's disturbing and that specifically, people don't like me. I can assure you that they do, or I wouldn't be married Wink

You seem to have reading issues. I didn't compare you to a sewer rat, that would be cruel. To the rat. I said I'd save one over a human like you.

Just because your brain capacity doesn't expand enough to realise that some humans are awful, horrible creatures and most animals are not, doesn't mean that other people don't feel differently. You don't have the monopoly on feelings, emotions or love.

lljkk · 06/02/2019 13:01

How would Knowing the breed mix help OP find a way to keep the dog happy without problems?

KittyVonCatsington · 06/02/2019 13:28

we really can’t afford a behaviourist and it would be unlikely that either of us would actually be able to dedicate 100% of our time and attention to rehabilitation due to other commitments.

If you want to rehome him that that's what you should do but you really can't, in all honesty, claim you have tried everything, as you have in your OP, when you have not. Poor dog deserves help.

PinkGin24 · 06/02/2019 13:44

@MoreCheeseDear who exactly do you think you are to determine what is 'normal' as you can see from the last few pages of this thread alot of people would save their own pets over a stranger.

Bambamber · 06/02/2019 13:51

It's an incredibly sad situation. Your dog has lost his best buddy and it sounds like his whole life had been turned upside down with a change of circumstances and a young child and less time.

If you don't have the time or the money to help the dog then it is best to rehome. It sounds like the dog is miserable, you are clearly miserable and things aren't going to improve. At least if you rehome, the dog will hopefully go to someone with the resources to settle him back down again

Strokethefurrywall · 06/02/2019 13:53

Fuck me, this thread... it's rabid (badoom tish!) Anyway....

I’m now going to be judged for the rest of my life as the selfish bitch who gave her dog away aren’t I?

Only if you listen to most of the psychos on Mumsnet OP - the fact is YOU DON'T HAVE THE FINANCES. With the best will in the world, you would be a fool to get yourself into debt in order to fork out for potentially ongoing behavioural therapy. And your circumstances have changed and you can no longer devote the time EVEN IF you had the financial resources.

You say you have him a good spot in a rescue? Then take it. You have done all you can for him to the point of risking sanity and ridiculous stress levels.

And don't ever ask anyone on Mumsnet for advice on dogs because people are friggin' nuts.

I have two dogs. But if my dog was displaying the continual behavior above despite my best efforts whilst trying to raise children and hold down a job and a life, then I would look to rehome too.

Sometimes we aren't the best option for them, despite us choosing them to live with us.

And to the posters comparing destructive dogs to children - get a fucking grip on yourselves.

SilverySurfer · 06/02/2019 13:56

MoreCheese I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't experienced the bond that can occur between human and pet and you really don't have the right to insult others or tell them how they should or shouldn't feel until you have.

MoreCheeseDear · 06/02/2019 16:25

I'm not telling them how to feel. I'm staggered at how they do feel and think maybe some are hairy handed bridge dwellers. And I feel a deep pity for them if that's really how they feel. But it has to be called out - in case there are people who do think it's ok. It isn't ok - any more than misogyny is ok.

I've had pets and I loved them but I would throw every one of them under a bus to save a human, even the one who said I was like a sewer rat. That's what humanity means.

PinkGin24 · 06/02/2019 17:18

@MoreCheeseDear I think you need to take your blinkers off and accept the reality of your osn narrow mindedness.

You CANNOT tell people on this thread that it is wrong that they would choose to save their own pets over strangers. It is their choice to do that, it isn't something that is right or wrong.

Quite frankly the only ignorant one here is you refusing to accept that your OPINION is NOT a FACT.

BlueSlipperSocks · 06/02/2019 17:53

I've had pets and I loved them but I would throw every one of them under a bus to save a human

No words... Shock

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2019 18:07

“Point is there are alot of us who would save our pets over a stranger (and that includes a child).”
There may be a lot of people who would save an animal over a child-they are called psychopaths.