AIBU to rehome my destructive dog?

[novaclover]

I'm rehoming my dog. When we adopted him as a puppy we had no idea what breed he was or what his temprement would be, and now we're left with a high energy, anxious, destructive dog who since our other dog died can't be left alone for more than an hour. He can escape crates, long walks don't stop his anxiety, he'll happily go to the bathroom inside and he will literally tear doors off of cupboards rather than play with his own toys. We've tried everything but it seems like the only solution will be to make sure he has company 24/7, which is obviously impossible.

The guilt is eating me alive and I feel like a failure because I can't cope anymore. It's been 6 years and today I came home to find all of my baby's toys had been destroyed despite me putting them in a high sided playpen.

AIBU to rehome him?

Jesus, you made me do an actual LOL

Rehome the dog and get off this batshit thread where people think dogs are more important than people. They will never give you any kind of realistic, practical advice.

Actually @BertrandRussell, one of the first indicators of psychopathy is a lack of empathy towards animals. Having a strong emotional connection to a person or animal and prioritising them over a random stranger is pretty much the exact opposite behaviour of a psychopath. HTH.

There is a bit of a difference between not having empathy for animals and prioritising one over a baby when a house is on fire!

Ah yes the 'but who should you save in a fire' scenario is back. That totally artificial made up scenario that gets bought up on threads like this to prove how wonderful someone is and how terrible another person is.

Honestly it's artificial, would not happen (someone's loved pet in the same house as your loved baby) and is completely batshit as a guide on how anyone thinks and behaves.

@BertrandRussell in this hypothetical scenario is it MY dog AND my baby? Because I am saying where it is MY dog and a strangers baby obviously I save the one I love and have the emotional attachment to - i.e. MY dog.

Then you should be prosecuted somehow for letting a child die .

“Honestly it's artificial, would not happen (someone's loved pet in the same house as your loved baby) and is completely batshit as a guide on how anyone thinks and behaves.”
So the proper response is “don’t be silly, i’m not going to engage in this pointless exercise”. Not “I would save my dog and leave your baby to die in a heartbeat”

Prosecuted

So the proper response is “don’t be silly, i’m not going to engage in this pointless exercise”. Not “I would save my dog and leave your baby to die in a heartbeat

Why is that the proper response? Why is it ok to hold this artificial stupid scenario as a moral compass and an excuse to call other people names but the response others are giving you back wrong?

I must admit I look at these threads and wonder why others feel such a need to be more moral/better/superior than others. It always depends into name calling so that MN are forced to pull it.

All this talk about moral compass, this thread I think has been really useful for illuminating the moral compass of those who would most seek to shame someone in the OP’s position from rehoming their dog. We can now all see and decide what weight to put on the opinions of those who prioritize dogs over children - and call those who think that’s awful as being lower than a sewer rat. So in that regard this has been a useful thread for me to see the thought processes that lie behind some of the posts on here about dogs!

Gosh, so many people on this thread need to learn to read. I didn't call anyone a sewer rat. I didn't liken anyone to a sewer rat. I said I'd save a sewer rat over a human like the Cheese person. I'd save a sewer rat over many humans (Trump, Tommy Robinson, my ex-husband).

If you don't put any weight on my opinions, why would you think I'd care? I really don't. I'm not bothered as to what anyone thinks about me, especially a stranger on the internet. I'll do me. And my pets are more valuable to me than a complete stranger.

No YANBU, you are guilt ridden but you have tried and it is not working. Let go.

I think that rehoming a pet is unreasonable. I think that part of getting a pet is commuting to caring for them for better or worse.

That said, at least you have found a reputable rescue place. And rehoming is better than keeping but not meeting the dog's needs.

But maybe don't get another pet if you aren't able to make the commitment to keep them.

“But maybe don't get another pet if you aren't able to make the commitment to keep them.“
So no empathy with humans then? No empathy that circumstances can change dramatically overnight?

So you got a dog you don't actually have time for? Give him back to the shelter and please don't get any other pets

So no empathy with humans then? No empathy that circumstances can change dramatically overnight?

I have empathy, but OP has fully admitted she hasn't tried everything she could. That's what's frustrating.

Dogs are destructive for a reason, normally because they're anxious or bored or under stimulated. There are solutions to that - daycare, a dog walker during the day, getting a behaviourist and training your dog to be happy alone, crate-training properly (if they're happy in a crate they won't try and destroy it and escape), leaving them with appropriate entertainment and chews.

OP hasn't mentioned trying any of those things, does't think she can afford a behaviourist and even if she could she wouldn't have the time to implement any of the techniques given to her.

Too many people get dogs and don't realise quite how much work they can be. For every dog that's happy to be left all day with a 20 minute walk around the block before work, there are those who need 2-3 walks a day, daycare, crate-training and who can't be left alone for longer than an hour or two. Too many people assume they'll get the former and give up when they get one with any form of fear-based behaviour or anxiety.

The OP hasn't tried everything.

My circumstances changed so much I don't know who I am any more. I didn't give up on my pets. They aren't disposable.

@Lockerblocker oh don’t be so bloody ridiculous. What if it were two children and you only saved one? Not to mention that the government advice as per the fire brigade is that civilians shouldn’t enter burning buildings, deep water etc to save ANYONE. So how would you enforce not saving a stranger’s child being a prosecutable offence?

Well! That went well.

Thanks for stopping by, mumsnet at its absolute finest

Goodness me, this thread is eye opening to say the least. I'm glad I don't have friends who are quite so biased towards pets.

I'm moving abroad, and I'm not taking my cat with me, (but I am taking my DSs ). I'll miss him, but I'm not putting him through the torture of shots, flight, and possible quarantine. I did it before, and my poor cat was so traumatised he developed liver failure and had to be PTS in quarantine. I am not going to NOT move because of him either. He is a pet, and I won't make live changing decisions solely for the sake of a pet. He will likely be just as happy catching mice for and snuggling up to his new slave owner.

Thankfully my friend are like me

How awful though, to keep getting cats then abandoning them.

So no empathy with humans then? No empathy that circumstances can change dramatically overnight?

Of course, but the op doesn't say that there has been any unexpected change, just that she hadn't expected the dog to behave in that way.

I fully accept that there are circumstances where it would be appropriate to rehome (fleeing domestic violence, unexpected poor health etc) but I think it is something you do in an emergency, not because your dog hasn't behaved in the way you hoped.